Marriage can be heaven— or pure soul-destroying chaos.
After coaching thousands of women through love, breakups, and everything in between, I’ve seen how many “good reasons” to get married turn out to be traps.
I help smart, capable women create relationships that actually work, and I’ve heard every excuse for rushing to the altar.
Some are funny, some are heartbreaking, and plenty are downright disastrous when left unchecked.
Here’s my list of the most common wrong reasons people tie the knot.
1. You expect them to change
Unfortunately this is one of the worst reasons to get married on this list.
Imagine that you’re in a store and you found something beautiful that you’ve decided to buy.
You take it to the checkout, pay and leave the store. When you get home, it changes into something else. Obviously not the intended result, right?
When you get married while wanting the other person to change (whether the desired change is big or small), you’re expecting that once you get home from the store, they will be different.
Thinking your partner will significantly change for the better after getting married is unfair and unrealistic, but unfortunately common.
If you think that being married will stop their wandering eye, this is a really bad reason to tie the knot since whatever you’re getting from them now, good or bad, will largely continue after the wedding.
2. You want financial support or health insurance
Whenever the idea of gold digging comes up, I’m reminded of this quote (by I’m not sure whom) “If you marry for money, you’ll earn every penny.”
The opportunity cost lost in wasting the best years of your life is incredibly high. Date with integrity please.
3. You’ve fallen for the white picket fence myth
The idea that getting married and having a family will make you happy is sold to us all the time.
It’s as though having the whole enchilada, house, kids and a family is a balm for our soul.
And all of this can be great, but NOT if it’s with the wrong person or you’re settling (and you know it).
Studies show that marital satisfaction starts off high just after the wedding and declines after the couple begins to have children.
It isn’t that once you get the whole white picket fence shebang, you’re overcome with domestic bliss forever thereafter. The reality is the opposite.
4. You’re hoping the relationship will change for the better
Just like hoping that your relationship will change somehow, it’s still unfair to hope that the relationship will transform into something better than what it already is.
Statistically, before you get married, your relationship is the happiest that it will ever be.
If you’re ridiculously happy with this person, then go for it.
But if you aren’t, it’s time for a big huge pause.
5. You hope that with more commitment, you won’t feel so alone
In our everyday lives, we turn to lots of things to fill the void.
Whether it’s food, addiction, or relationships, often we cast around looking for something, anything, to help us not feel like we’re alone.
Sometimes we imagine that if we could just meet someone and settle down, we might not feel that nagging sense of unfulfilled energy that actually comes from not slaying the unmet passion dragons in our lives.
The sad part about this is that when we look for someone else to fill this void, we’re simply placing too much responsibility for our happiness on someone else.
6. Your parents are happily married
My parents have been married happily for a long time. I assumed for a long time that I wouldn’t succeed in having the fairy-tale relationship that I imagined they did (because I’m sometimes fatalistic and overdramatic).
On the other side, that made me consciously look for the kind of relationship that they had, thinking that was the ideal.
While they have a great relationship, the pedestal I put them on isn’t realistic or a reason to pursue my own commitment.
7. You got pregnant
If the relationship is wrong, a baby won’t make it right.
Plus, if you decide to keep the baby, you have something larger than a commitment, you have flesh and blood that ties you together for the rest of your lives.
The idea that you have to tie the knot to have the child be legitimate is antiquated.
8. You WANT to get pregnant
You might be listening to your biological clock tick so loudly that you can’t hear anything else.
You might be considering actually stealing that cute baby you saw the other day. You might be hoping day and night to have a baby.
All of that is STILL not a worthwhile reason to get married without the right relationship to go along with it.
9. Your family is pressuring you
You might not be able to get through a holiday meal without your grandma making comments about how you should settle down.
Your mother might nag you every chance she gets about how desperately she wants to have grand children.
Is this a reason to march to the altar and dutifully start having kids? No.
Withstand the pressure and trust that marriage will fall into place once you meet the right person who wants the same things.
10. Marriage seems like the next logical step
Sometimes that relationship that is just okay wears on for awhile. It seems like the next logical step is to just go ahead and “make it official.”
You might feel a strong friendship with the other person or you might have no passion but tons of friendship.
Either way, something is not quite perfect but you figure that you’re not getting any younger and you might not meet anyone else.
This bird-in-the-hand syndrome will come back and bite you in the ass later.
Have the courage to make changes and find the right relationship.
11. They asked
Whether you expected that they would propose or not– they have– and in the moment you said YES! without thinking about it.
Now you have nagging doubts.
Serious ones that keep you up at night, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings or stop the wedding machine that geared up the second you put that shiny ring on your finger.
If this is you, I know how much it sucks. I called off a wedding once, a long, long time ago.
But I’m still alive, and he’s off somewhere happily married… to someone else.
If I had gone through with it, I’m sure it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.
In the moment, I said yes. My gut said, NO. It was wrong for me to agree in the first place.
12. You want a big beautiful wedding
If you grew up fantasizing about your wedding, wanting something big and gorgeous is hard to shake.
Allow me to impress upon you that the wedding really is ONE day.
It might be gorgeous, perfect and even featured in Bride magazine, but a great wedding does not correlate with a great marriage.
The wedding really is one day with a lot of planning leading up to it.
You had better be thrilled to wake up next to the other person the next day, because once it’s over, forever can hit you like a ton of bricks and you’d better want to be there.
13. You’re tired of being single
I remember being single really, really well.
It went on for what seemed like a long time. I can remember flip-flopping between wanting to get married and wanting to give up entirely.
The thing is, when it feels like you’re going through a drought, any water will do.
The first relationship with anyone half decent can make you want to grab on with both hands even if it’s not quite right for you.
14. Your friends are all doing it
In the marriage sweet spot, right in my late 20’s, it seemed like my friends were all getting married one by one.
After feeling like I was always the bridesmaid but never the bride, I ached to be throwing the bouquet instead of catching it.
This is a really bad reason to go out and marry the first person you have something in common with. It’s like getting the same tattoo as your best friend because you liked the tattoo artist.
Marriage can be beautiful.
It’s just not a solution for boredom, loneliness, or a messy life you don’t feel like cleaning up.
If any of these reasons rang a little too true for you, maybe hold off on the registry.
Get married because you actually want the life you’d be building together— not because you’re tired of dating apps, need better health insurance, or want a ring to show the group chat.
Anything less is a life-long gamble you don’t need to take.
So double-check your motives, and wait until the only reason left is the right one.
MORE: Dear Bride-To-Be: You Can Call Off The Wedding Right Now
