One of my male friends recently found himself in a really common dating situation that I want to talk about today.
He met a new woman on Tinder and initiated their in-person meeting after exchanging a week’s worth of text messages and calls.
Their first date went well. Their phone conversations were good and went long– sometimes running an hour or two.
After their first meeting, they started talking every day.
The following Wednesday, after he got in touch to say hello, she asked what he was planning to do that day.
He simply listed what he was planning. His response didn’t include her or much of anything else besides spending time with his son who he shares custody with and finishing out his busy work day.
She responded with “so I’m not seeing you this week?”
As he often does, he got in touch with me to share his frustration and annoyance with her approach.
In the beginning of a new courtship, saying things like this can drive the other person away and ruin the whole thing. And that’s what happened to him.
I told him to give her another chance– which he did– but the negative seed had already been planted.
So what happened here? What went wrong?
First, she pre-rejected herself.
She took his response as a rejection and then reacted to the perceived rejection.
But my friend wasn’t actually rejecting her.
He was simply answering her question. He didn’t have a grand plan for what he was doing with this woman. He was just going about his normal day.
Next, she implied that he was doing something wrong by not asking her out yet.
This was a normal Wednesday for him.
For her to say “so I’m not seeing you this week”, she implied that he was doing something wrong by not scheduling a date… yet.
And it’s Wednesday. Sure, he could have started sooner. I can understand that she probably wanted to plan her weekend.
However, it’s more likely that she liked him and allowed herself to get anxious about his feelings for her.
Some women sabotage themselves when they fall for the mistaken idea that if a guy doesn’t make plans for the weekend by the beginning of the week, he doesn’t want to see them at all.
This was the furthest thing from his mind. To him, they were in touch.
Whether he was or was not planning anything at that moment is irrelevant since he was interested enough to be speaking to her daily in the first place.
She basically made up something in her head about what he should/should not be doing and then passive aggressively attacked him over it.
Third, nagging a man about his behavior is not a good way to inspire him long term (or even short term in this case).
The sad part about this exchange is that her comment was actually meant as a bid to see him again. Instead, it came off naggy and out of place because it came from a place of lack and rejection.
Even this short comment made him want nothing to do with her.
And unfortunately, that’s how quickly masculine energy people will disappear when they feel disrespected.
So, why was her comment disrespectful to him?
Because it points to a lack of respect for his timing. And the masculine energy source absolutely rules timing.
When you disrespect a masculine man’s timing by being passive aggressive about his choices like this, he will not give you more time. He will give you less.
If she wasn’t in her own anxiety about what he was doing, she could have tackled this situation with him in several different ways:
She could have gone into her own masculine and asked him out herself.
She could have waited and let him make a plan.
She could have done nothing (including having no anxiety about any of it) from a place of total security in her own irresistibility (best and what I teach inside my group coaching program Manifest True Love).
In the last position, she would have been at her most irresistible and he would have been at his most likely to be very attracted to her.
I’m not saying this to be hard on her or make either one of them into saintly beings with perfect dating behavior.
My point is to explain what happens when people let their anxiety take control of their dating situation.
Being in the feminine energy is great.
Being in masculine energy is great.
Being in anxiety is not.
A primarily masculine person in anxiety will be over-controlling and crush the feminine’s emotional processing, which will prevent her feelings for him from growing.
A feminine person in anxiety will lose faith and patience in their own attractiveness and irresistibility.
This woman’s behavior points to her wanting to be the feminine partner because she wants HIM to make a plan. She mistakenly assumed that because he had not made one yet, she was being rejected.
Doing and initiating and planning is inherently masculine energy.
There’s nothing wrong with her initiating as long as she’s okay with being in her masculine.
And there’s nothing wrong with waiting for him to ask her back out (even if he never chooses to do so) if she wants to be in her feminine.
In this case, she’s doing neither one since she’s in anxiety.
Her statement gives away that she’s not able to respect his timing OR go all the way into her masculine and ask him back out.
Since he’s interested in being the masculine partner, he would be much more excited about the relationship if she let him pursue her.
Finding a way to ask to see him again might not be fatal either, since there are many ways to inspire a man to make a plan.
Or she could make one herself if she chooses to be in the masculine.
But passively aggressively nagging a man who has not decided to make a plan will not inspire his devotion.
All this approach did was make him completely resistant to even speaking to her ever again.
And sadly, she probably hoped to see him again.
Otherwise she wouldn’t have brought it up.
Have you ever snapped at a man because you were worried he didn’t want you?
I know I have.
This is just one of the love blocks I cover in my 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love Masterclass which you can find here.
