When you just start dating someone it feels amazing when they pull out all the stops in the beginning. They reek of charm. They shower you with affection and gifts.
All of it seems too good to be true. Before you know it, you’re calling your friends, telling them about the amazing person you just met. It all seems perfect, until…
There is a powerful reason why it’s so important to take your time in a new relationship.
Psychopaths can be men or women and are evenly distributed 50/50, so keep in mind that I’m referring to both genders. It’s important to understand what it feels like when one shows up– so you don’t end up seriously dating a psychopath with the capacity to ruin your life.
The term love bomb was originally coined by the Moonies, a cult, who used it to mean “a genuine expression of friendship, fellowship, interest or concern.” The term was later adopted to describe the techniques that psychopaths use to attract people in their relationships.
Often, it is the absolute only way to tell that something is off with the other person since they are so skilled at keeping on the mask.
What is Love Bombing?
The love bomb is the stage in the beginning of the relationship with a psychopath where the other person pulls out the stops.
The psychopath reeks of charm. They superficially flatter you and make you feel like a million bucks. They might give you gifts or do incredible things for you. They listen and incorporate everything they hear into creating the kind of relationship that you deeply crave. They use things that they learn about you to reflect back a persona that mirrors exactly what you want in a mate.
Why Is Being Love Bombed Is A Red Flag?
Often, the psychopath’s charming, over the top loving behavior is your only sign that something is amiss with a new relationship. The feeling of being overwhelmed and distracted by the amount of love and caring attention being heaped upon you feels amazing. This combined with the way that they seem to adore you is really hard to resist.
The psychopath uses this overwhelming attention to hook their partner and gain the upper hand. After all, if someone acted the way the psychopath does in the end of a relationship at the beginning, few people would fall for them in the first place.
Years later, victims of psychopaths still say things like “s/he was so great in the beginning, why can’t I get that person back? Was it all not real? I know they love me, they showed me so.”
The reason why this feels too good to be true is that it was all a dangerous illusion crafted with the sole purpose of gaining their victim’s love and trust.
1. Over the top statements at inappropriately early times, any time in the first few months.
A psychopath might say things like:
“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”
“I knew you were the one the moment I laid eyes on you.”
“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me”
“There is no one in the world as beautiful, handsome, intelligent as you.”
Notice the use of absolutes. It isn’t normal for healthy, well-adjusted people in the beginning of relationships to talk like this. Normal people might fall in love with you but they don’t usually flatter you in this intense, over-the-top way.
Consider that they can’t really know you that well that early in your relationship.
2. Watch for lots of statements about your similarities.
The nature of psychopaths is that they are chameleons who adopt new masks when they are trying to seduce someone new. They listen a lot and say things that are meant to make you feel exactly alike.
“Wow, I ALSO played that weird sport and was a fan of tuba music.”
3. Notice if someone seems to be everything you have ever wanted in a mate.
Space and time are your weapons. Keep a rein on your emotions. If you have that “wow, this seems off” feeling in your gut, always listen and RUN.
4. They make you feel sympathy for them.
Hearing sob stories?
Psychopaths know that people love to root for the underdog and use it to their advantage. They often hide the fact that they are completely unemployable and are a total parasite with lots of statements about how they are down on their luck and just looking for a big break.
Remember that healthy partners have pride in themselves and their life!
A healthy person won’t bring their skeletons out of the closet right away and walk them around for fear that you will be scared off and afraid to date them.
The psychopath knows this and will use their down on their luck stories to make them seem more honest and trustworthy, when in fact they are the opposite.
How to protect yourself from dating a psychopath.
Your greatest weapon in any new relationship is time.
Never, ever, make big, life-changing decisions in the beginning of a new relationship. Just take your time and see where it goes. If the other person is genuine, they will also want to get to know you and won’t mind if it takes a while to build your relationship.
Remember there is never a rush to do anything in a relationship.
The longer that you know a psychopath and spend time with them closely, the harder it becomes for them to maintain the mask and keep their lies straight.
From other’s reports, it takes three to six months before the mask starts slipping. That is why the beginning of the relationship is such a critical time to take it slow.
Phew. I know all of this sounds scary, but rest assured, psychopaths make up about 1% of the population based on research.
There are tons of great people out there who have never considered making a skin suit.
Remember to always listen to your gut feeling and use space and time to your advantage in a new relationship.