So you’ve been following the no contact rule and are a few weeks into it.
Things are going OK.
You are trying your best to stay busy and slowly but surely you’re feeling less and less tempted to reach out to your ex.
Suddenly, out of the blue, your ex calls during no contact. What do you do?
My name is Amy North. I’m a relationship and dating coach from Vancouver, Canada.
Today, I’m going to explain what to do when your ex contacts you during no contact.
I get asked this often so I figured I would clear the air and break it all down for you.
As you probably already know, the no contact period is about removing yourself from your ex’s life for about 30 days and making him miss you.
Chances are that if he’s reaching out to you, it’s because the no contact period is working and he wants to know what’s going on with your life.
One of the biggest misunderstandings about the no contact period is that you shouldn’t respond to your ex when he calls, texts, or emails you.
Well, that’s not true.
Believe it or not, this is your chance to show him how wonderful you are doing. So, how do you do it?
1. When your ex reaches out during no contact, it is important you don’t reply right away.
Instead, wait about three hours to text or call him back or 24 hours to email.
You may be wondering why I’m telling you to delay your response to your ex after no contact.
After all, you’ve been waiting for him to come back to you and now you have to wait longer?
The reason for waiting to talk to your ex after no contact is to show them that you’re not sitting around waiting for him to message you because you’re too busy enjoying your life, even if that’s not exactly the case.
When it comes time to message your ex back after no contact, there are several other rules to follow.
2. Your reply to your ex should be short and sweet.
Keeping your reply short and sweet will show you’re too busy to write him a speech and better yet, it will keep him intrigued.
Since you’ve not been telling or hinting at how much you miss him, he’ll want to know more about what’s going on in your life.
Part of what to do when your ex contacts you after no contact is what NOT to do.
3. Give the impression that you’re happy.
It doesn’t matter if you cry yourself to sleep every night missing your ex.
There is no way you want him to know that.
As ladies, we may think it’s sweet to be missed but guys find it clingy and desperate.
You don’t want your ex to think that way about you, especially after you haven’t talked for a while.
What you’re going to do instead is use lots of exclamation marks and tell him why you’ve been busy in a shortest way possible.
For example, you could say something like:
Hey, I’m just out with some friends right now. Hope all is well!”
The point is to make it seem like you’re living a great life which is too busy to be sitting around missing him after your breakup.
4. Be the one to end the conversation with your ex.
Make sure you tell your ex you have to go.
In other words, be the one to end the conversation and tell him why.
Even if you’re doing nothing, don’t tell him that because it’s boring.
Instead, let your ex know that you got other things going on and can’t talk.
End the conversation abruptly but politely.
For instance, you can say something like:
“Well, I have to go meet a friend for dinner and maybe we’ll talk later.”
This message after no contact tells him that you’re busy and you get to be the one to end the chat. Simple as that.
This is also one of the many psychological tricks that you can use to make your ex want you back.
For more information about what you can do to get your ex back, watch the free video presentation here.
In that video, Brad Browning will teach you how to properly use the contact to make your ex miss you like crazy.
One more little rule before we wrap things up:
5. Always leave it to your ex to contact you again.
Even if you tell your ex that you’ll talk to him later, wait for him to come to you.
You don’t want to appear needy.
The reason these rules about what to do if your ex contacts you during no contact work is because guys want what they can’t have.
By showing him that you’re doing great but are too busy to sit around and catch up with him, it keeps him interested.
When you send the message that you’re unavailable, it shifts the power from him to you.
…And guess what? Now, he’s chasing you.
So if your ex contacts you during no contact then it’s important to follow the same basic concepts.
Meaning, let your ex lead the conversation, make small talk and tell him briefly about some of the fun things you’ve been up to with your friends.
It’s important that you are nice and cheerful and that you end the call first.
Just tell him that you have to go and maybe suggest a time you could talk tomorrow.
So many women make the mistake of trying to make their ex jealous when he calls or spilling their hearts out about the relationship.
Don’t do this.
6. Don’t bring up past issues or your love life.
Bringing up issues from the past, talking about your current love life or asking about his are all time bombs that you need to avoid.
If you do this, he’ll see that you miss him and you’ll lose control of the no contact period. You’ve come this far and you definitely don’t want that to happen.
As I said, when your ex contacts you after no contact, keep everything light and cheery.
If your ex calls and wants to talk about the relationship, then it probably means that he wants to try and fix things.
That is fine but let him do the talking and act indifferent to the situation.
If he calls and wants to argue with you, then it may just be his excuse for contacting you. Don’t get dragged into the drama and stick to positive, fun topics.
Remember, the goal is to act like you are unavailable so it shifts power from him to you.
After no contact, you want your ex to be choosing you, not vice-versa.
I hope you learn something and that you can put these tips for when your ex contacts you after your breakup to good use. I know that it can be hard to sometimes come across positive when you’re hurting inside.
Trust me, showing your ex you’re fine without him will do wonders for getting him back.
If you’re looking for more advice on what to do when your ex contacts you during no contact and how to win your ex back, watch the free how-to video here.
Until next time, take care and good luck!
