Over the past couple of articles, we’ve been talking about the five emotional stages that your ex goes through during the process of getting back together with you.
Today, we’re going to be talking about the fourth stage of getting back together.
This one is called the “crisis point.” And oftentimes, in my work with people over the years, people are actually very excited to get to the crisis point because they know it’s the one right before they get back together. But “The Crisis” is no easy cake walk.
What actually happens typically at the crisis point is that your ex will tell you, “we should move on,” “we should not get back together,” or “we should date other people” like something that.
If your ex is telling you to move on, it absolutely could be a sign that the two of you are at the crisis point. It’s not a definitive sign that you are at the crisis point, your ex could be at “wall of reactance” and in a moment of frustration they say, “Just move on.” or something like that.
But if they’re at the crisis point of getting back together, your ex will often tell you to move on.
Now, why is this?
Over the past couple of stages of getting back together, your ex’s emotional reactance toward wanting to interact with you has been decreasing.
The positive emotions between the two of you have been increasing, so at this point, you have mostly positive emotions and low negative emotions.
What’s going on is your ex really is noticing that they’re having a good time interacting with you. They’re really feeling your emotional connection.
However, there is still that lingering doubt in the back of their mind.
They can’t really put this off any longer and they’re being forced to confront the actual decision about whether or not they should make a clearing in their life for the two of you to get back together.
This crisis, this decision that they are confronting could take many different forms.
It might take the form of a rebound relationship for example – if your ex is in a rebound relationship and is starting to develop very strong emotional feelings towards you, there is going to come to a point in time where they have to decide:
“Am I going to break up with my rebound relationship partner? Or am going to stay together with my rebound?”
They can kick this can down the road for a while.
But, once their emotions start to really heat up based on what we’ve been talking about so far— decreasing their reactance, increasing your emotional connection, there will come a point— which we call a crisis point— where your ex is forced to make that decision.
In order to avoid having to go through the very stressful prospect of making that decision, they may tell you to do things to actively discourage you from trying to be in a relationship with them, such as telling you to move on, telling you to date other people, and telling you to give up.
That is how you know you are in the crisis point.
When you are at the crisis point, the most important thing for you to do is to have a strong emotional connection with your ex and continue to focus on that with a lot of conviction, integrity, composure, knowing what you want and being willing to speak it while still maintaining that emotional connection with them.
This can be very tricky, which is why we break this down in the Advanced Relational Skills that I teach in our courses, programs and articles.
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