“When I give empathy to any subject my ex shares with me, she ignores me unless it is about her 6-year-old son, whom I’ve helped raise for three years. She now only lets us connect solely on him.”
It really depends on a couple of different things.
The first factor you may want to explore is how exactly are you talking to her?
If you put yourself in her position and hear the words that are coming out of your mouth through her ears– from what you know of her life experience and emotional personality, it could be that you discover what you’re saying is not really as empathetic as you might hope and that you come across as having a hidden agenda.
Maybe you’re trying to use her as a means to an end or something along those lines.
Assuming that you run through that scenario and you’re like, “Hey, I’m squeaky clean in how I’m talking to her.”
The other possibility is that she is still holding on to some degree of emotional resistance for one reason or another and she is not emotionally ready to open up to you.
Maybe your ex is still hurt over something that happened around the breakup or she is not certain about what your intentions are.
Maybe she thinks you might be trying to line things up in order to get back together, whereas you haven’t really shown her that you care about what her experience is.
She might be afraid you are more interested in just trying to get back together and getting back to where things used to be rather than actually hearing her out and seeing where she’s at emotionally and connecting with her there.
That’s one possibility as well too.
Another possibility is that she might have her hands full and she really only has the capacity to connect on the subject of her son.
A 6-year-old is probably very different from a 9-month-old. But my wife and I, we are running on limited amounts of energy bandwidth and all of that stuff with our 9-month-old daughter.
Especially since just the past day or two, she started to have separation anxiety.
She’s really terrified when we put her down to sleep at night. She thinks we have disappeared and she’s all alone and so she starts crying and it’s an “experience,” let me put it that way.
But I definitely recommend exploring those possibilities when it comes to your ex and her emotional availability and her willingness or unwillingness to connect on subjects that do not revolve around her 6-year-old son.
Anyway, this has been Clay Andrews.
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