4 Key Things I Learned About Dirty Talk

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Dirty Talk

IMAGE: Belovodchenko Anton

Ever had a man ask you to talk dirty to him?

If you’re like me, you froze like a deer in the headlights, rock solid and completely unsure of what to say, not to mention totally embarrassed about your inability to come up with anything that would satisfy him.

Here’s what happened to me, and how you can prevent it from happening to you.

Without getting too graphic, here’s what went down one rainy evening.

“Talk dirty to me,” he said lustily.

“Umm… you’re soo sexy,” I said, scared and without enthusiasm.

“More!” he said enthusiastically.

“I’m not.. um.. sure.. yeah, do it!” I said, hoping for the ceiling fan to fall on us, hoping for anything to make this uncomfortable situation end. I thought fleetingly that the only thing more embarrassing would be to have someone walk in on us. I tried kissing him hard on the mouth to shut him up.

“You’re so hot!” he said, pulling away from the deep kiss I hoped would stop this whole awkward exchange.

“You are too!” I said, wishing that he would let up.

Needless to say, after struggling through a few more failed and awkward attempts to give him the dirty talk that he wanted, I fell silent.

After the act was over, he seemed withdrawn and disappointed. It wasn’t long before he pulled away entirely and lost interest. While I know that the relationship wasn’t exactly solid from the start, the breakup got me thinking. Was the reason he left a sexual one? Did he feel like I wasn’t interested?

Anyway, here’s what I learned while trying to figure out how to talk dirty to a guy.

1. Dirty talk isn’t exclusively for during sex.

Dirty talk doesn’t have to happen just during the sex. Little sexy text messages, things whispered in his ear while he’s doing something else and flirty little comments help keep a relationship hot.

Spontaneity is key, and so is timing and delivery.

2. Talking dirty doesn’t make you slutty.

For a good girl like me, talking dirty DOES NOT come naturally. That’s why when asked for it, I froze up like a deer in the headlights. Bad thoughts started rushing through my head. Thoughts like:

“what I go TOO DIRTY and he decides I’m a slut?”
“What if I show too much interest?”
“What if I say the wrong thing and he pulls away?” (he did, and I will never know if it was this or something else I did).

The truth is, when you’re already in a relationship, he just perceives it as you being interested in HIM. After all, you’re telling him how excited you are about him, not someone else, right? One key to not feeling slutty while talking dirty is to roll it out in stages. You won’t feel as uncomfortable if you don’t spring it all on him at once.

3. Practice makes perfect.

Like anything else in the relationship realm, talking dirty takes practice. Sex is one of those things that we think we should be automatically great at, but that isn’t the case. The more you make a little flirtatious dirty talk, the better you’ll get at it over time.

There is a learning curve because it takes a while to A, know what to say and B, not feel bizarre and embarrassed while saying it. However, the more you try it, starting off easy, the more confident you’ll feel over time.

4. Body language and vocal tone is key.

The way you say something can turn out to be more important that what you say. Simply put, sometimes it’s not WHAT you say, it’s HOW you say it. If you look over him blandly while you’re watching TV and say “you look hot in those jeans,” it’s much different than if you were to grab his ass and whisper the same thing in his ear. The more flirtatious your body language is, the hotter everything sounds.

Have you tried talking dirty? How did it go? Tell me in the comment section below.

To find out more about what you can do to spice things up with your guy without even touching him, click here to unleash your naughty side.

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is the founder of Attract The One.

Her popular program Ex Attraction Formula, has helped hundreds of women reunite with their men. She is thrilled to have helped so many people reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has been featured on EHarmony Blog, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Mogul, Fox News Magazine, Ravishly, Femalista, Popsugar, Read Unwritten, Medium and many more.

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