4 Questions To QUIT Asking Yourself About Why Men Disappear


Today, we’re going to hit on a big topic. This is why guys act interested and then disappear. Poof!

Why men disappear has to the number one question of all time that I get. Almost every single week, somebody emails me about the following pattern.

She meets a new guy. He seems really cool, really into her. She starts thinking, “Ooh, this is the one!” She gets excited, calls her girlfriends, tells her mom— you know, her whole clan.

Then, out of nowhere the guy stops calling, texting, and stops communicating with her in any way. She starts beating her head against the wall and, of course, emailing Carlos.

By the way, sometimes emailing me is the last step with him disappearing. When a guy disappears, sometimes it happens all at once or sometimes slowly. But when it happens, it confuses the hell out of you.

I’m going to do a deep dive into why men lose interest and disappear and we’re going to talk some serious trash on this one right here right now.

First of all, you probably find yourself asking these four questions about why men disappear:

1. “Is he just commitment phobic?”

I have said this time after time after time. Men are not really commitment phobic compared to you.

Maybe a little bit, but not when we talk to other guys.

We may be communicating ineptly.

We may have intimacy issues.

We may have some trust issues.

The reality is that men don’t disappear only because you got too close to them.

What usually happens quite honestly is that you were too damn easy.

And, there are a lot of guys who seek relationships where they can stay superficial. You should be able to detect these guys if you’re paying attention to your own instincts and your intuition.

However, if you shut off your instincts and intuition by turning too much attention on asking:

“What does he think?”

“Does he like me?”

If you’re in this outward focus that isn’t connected to what’s going on inside you, you’re more likely to miss all his signals of wanting to keep things very casual.

The second question that you’re probably asking yourself is:

2. “Is he just after sex?”

It sure looks like it, doesn’t it? He hits you up for a booty call or maybe a one-night stand on the date and then he’s gone. So what gives?

It might look like he’s only after the bedroom mambo but in the end, he’s looking for the same thing you are. Love, connection, the feeling of being desired.

The difference is that men don’t understand that getting intimate too early is the one thing that will kill a potential relationship.

Most women don’t feel this because they don’t have the same inner need to be challenged as strongly as men do.

When a man has to work for a woman’s affection, he is investing himself.

When he does that, his brain switches to whole new internal dialogue.

He says to himself:

“What’s going on here? Why am I working so hard for this girl? I want to win her over. So, if I’m working hard to win her, she must be worth it. She must be valuable, right? I need to keep working to win this prize.”

And that’s how he thinks all the way up until he sleeps with you. After that, he starts to check in on the scales and sees how much effort he put in and how much that stacks up against the feeling of being with you in bed.

3. “Is he just scared of intimacy?”

This is another question that comes up when a guy acts interested then disappears that’s very easy to mistake for the truth.

There are a ton of books on the self-help sites out there and whole aisles of bookstores telling you that every guy out there is afraid of intimacy.

Men appear to be afraid of any kind of relationship, right?

Wrong. Men just connect and create relationships differently than women do. That’s it.

With other guys, men have no problem bonding and connecting.

Interesting, right?

But, with women, it seems to change and here’s why.

Men connect and bond through spending time with the person. This is especially true when he’s connecting with a woman.

When a woman sleeps with a guy too soon, she shortcuts this process. She short-circuits that and the part of his brain that wants a challenge.

Most women don’t realize how important challenge is to a man.

Real quick test here. Think about it yourself.

Is it easier for you to feel gratitude for something that you got easily or something that took a lot of effort to get?

If you’re being completely honest with yourself, you know that the things you worked the hardest for are the things that you treasure the most.

That’s exactly what’s going on inside his little pea brain.

A man realizes how much effort was required to win a woman and get you in bed and that’s how he determines the level of value you have.

And finally, question number four that women ask about why men disappear.

4. “Did I do something wrong to make him disappear?”

At the end of this crazy train, you’re wondering why he pulled away.

It’s the real big question.

You wonder if you did something seriously wrong and spooked him.

And, that’s the one thing you usually don’t want to admit. It’s also a constant fear that we may have scared this guy off with our own bag of crazy. This also triggers feelings of inadequacy and sadness.

When it comes to his distancing behavior, yes, you might have said something that set him off.

But then again, how awful could it really have been?

Remember that we each have agency in our lives. Agency is the ability to act for ourselves. He could easily have sought a clarification for something you said that struck him wrong, right?

But if he just disappeared and ran away, well then, he didn’t bother to clarify. We all have this ability to take this kind of action in our lives and do things for ourselves that we need to do.

What’s more interesting is this feeling of worrying you said (or did) something wrong actually says more about you than him.

Why does that fear come up?

Is it there all the time?

Take some time to really immerse yourself in your own experience about this.

This is something that nobody else is going to tell you to do. They’re going to tell you to go out and buy a happy pill. Go out and watch Netflix, watch another movie somewhere or go out and spend time with your girlfriends.

They’re going to encourage you to stop thinking.

Instead, really feel into your experience and discover the source of where this is fear it’s your fault he disappeared is coming from. It could have been something somebody said to you once in a conversation or an angry reaction you got from your mom or your dad when you were a kid.

There are tons of ways that this kind of fear can prevent you from having this kind of relationship you want to have. Usually this kind of self consciousness says more about us on our growth path than it does about your partners.

So… how do you show him you “get” him before he disappears and pulls away for good?

When you show him something I call the “Secret Signal,” he instantly melts for you.

You can have just about any man spellbound, irresistibly desiring you and only you.

…And… if you think that the “Secret Signal” men are looking for is SEX, you’re wrong.

To find out what this “Secret Signal” is that makes men desire you uncontrollably, I want you to watch my video here.

You’ll also discover something incredibly exciting – a NEW way for you to unlock the secrets of the male mind…

You don’t want to miss this.

Carlos Cavallo

About Carlos Cavallo

Carlos Cavallo is a dating and attraction coach, as well as a motivational life counselor and health & fitness coach. He’s the author and coach behind the Forever Yours, and Irresistible Desire programs. He’s also been featured on ABC, CBS television, national radio, and numerous print magazine and online articles.

To learn how you can break through the wall around your man’s heart, connect with him on a deep level, and make him yours forever, don’t miss his free Love Detector video here right now.

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