How to Maintain a Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationships do not rely on physical love, long distance relationships are driven by the love that inspires your heart, mind and soul.
― Anonymous

long distance relationshipI was always in search of true love— nursing the feeling that my prince charming would suddenly appear out of the blue and save the damsel in distress. Reality dawned on me when I ended up having several failed relationships that dealt me some hard blows, and taught me things I refused to learn the easy way.

I remember talking to a close friend of mine back then, asking him when I was going to find my soul mate, the one who would love me unconditionally. He would say to me- ” just hold on, the right man will find you even without your knowing,” this wasn’t enough, so I would pout and sulk.

As bad as I felt, one day something incredible happened. The same friend called me and said, “hey, I’ve got a good friend who likes you and wants to talk to you.” I felt excited and immediately agreed to exchange contacts.

He took the next flight to my state to see me.

To say I was excited was an understatement.

Now how did it happen? He saw a picture of me, thought I looked great and was love stuck.

We later met up at a quiet place for a date and instantly connected. You know that feeling you have like you’ve known each other for years? That was just how we felt.

We met a couple more times while he was in town and we decided to have a relationship since we shared strong mutual feelings of attraction.

Again, reality suddenly dawned on me when my partner decided it was time for him to fly back abroad. My fears and doubts immediately crept in.

It was now a long distance relationship. It caught me unaware, unprepared. I cried knowing that he would be away from me for a long time, at least until we reunited again.

I never thought I would end up in a long distance relationship. I had to accept it out of the love we had for each other, and believed we would go through it together. Being in a long distance relationship means that there are certain things that both people have to consider for it to last. Such as trust; can you trust your partner, knowing that you’re going to be apart while facing all of the temptations out there?

It was difficult at the beginning but we soon adjusted, and it was worth it. To this day, we are still together.

We tried quite a few basic steps to make the relationship a success. If you are already in a long distance relationships or you thinking about dating someone far away, here are some of the things we did to keep our relationship going:

1. Discuss Do’s and Don’t’s

Setting the necessary boundaries in your long distance relationship is very important. My partner and I agreed that we were going to be faithful no matter what.

Talk to your partner to determine what the deal breakers are in your relationship. It could be no kissing or getting intimate with the opposite sex— but if you spell out your expectations in advance, then you both have clear guidelines to prevent misunderstandings.

2. Communicate Clearly

Anyone who thinks that long distance relationships can survive without constant communication is dreaming. When we were apart, we constantly communicated, practically every day. This was challenging for the both of us, because we both had busy schedules, and there was a six hour time difference between us.

Work out your daily schedule together. This is where sacrifice comes in. It might not be so easy to do, but both of you need to communicate to keep things working right between you two.

3. Trust

Yes- you read that right, just trust them. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t trusted any one else, ever. But trust me, trust is a key to a successful relationship- especially a long distance one.

There were times were people would make both of us suspicious of the other with their own worries about the other person. We had to stick together by trusting ourselves. Trust your partner to be loyal and faithful to you.

4. Respect

Now, respect is very vital in a healthy relationship. There will always be times when things are just not right. It could be a arguments or disagreements over issues in the relationship, however cultivating love and respect for each other should enable you both to see things from a place of compromise and understanding.

5. Love

Nothing real can be threatened and nothing unreal exists. True love can never be threatened. Without love a relationship cannot survive or run its full course.

The love you both have will keep the relationship going because it is all that matters.

Long distance relationships are not the easiest thing in the world to maintain, but with love and compromise, they can be incredibly fulfilling.

MORE: 8 Ways to Keep Your Long Distance Relationship Happy

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10 thoughts on “How to Maintain a Long Distance Relationship”

  1. Avatar

    This is a perfect write up. I and my hubby are in a LDR due to work issues. But we do have schedules to catch up and work things too.

  2. Avatar

    In a couple of weeks it will officially be 2 years that I have been in a LDR.
    We met online. Talked for a year and I decided to visit him in Italy. It’s been great since the moment we started talking.
    But like you mentioned, this specific type of relationship is not for everyone. A lot of people ask me how I do it.
    I do it because I am willing to spend some time apart to eventually be together for good. I do it because I found someone who is worth all the patience I have.
    Communication is definitely KEY.
    Honesty. Trust. Clear communication.

  3. Avatar

    I’m in a relationship with a guy from another town and we see each other pretty much every weekend, which is not bad at all.
    The question is how long someone in a long distance relationship should wait before starting planning to take that distance away?
    I worry the time might never come..

    1. Elizabeth Stone

      Hi Michelle, I think it’s good to have a plan as soon as the relationship is on solid ground– this way both people know what to expect. It’s okay to ask about it and get a plan together, after all, most people don’t start LDRs with the intention of it going on forever. A gentle conversation, like, “hey, I’m really enjoying what we’re doing together, but I’m not sure about driving back and forth forever, what do you think?” Is not out of order.

  4. Avatar

    I’m so grateful for coming across this page. I’m in a wonderful LDR (3 years now) but there are so many external pressures from friends that doubt about our relationship continuously creeps in. Trust is huge for me and the poor man accepts me for who I am, warts, insecurities and all.. I must be honest right now, this minute to say I understand why he says I don’t accept him completely. Gosh!!! thank you, thank you. I feel quite close to tears now. I think the penny has just dropped and I get it!!! … my LDR is truly fantastic and I’ve been missing this blatant ‘in my face’ fact. WOW.. I’m so doff…

  5. Avatar

    Hi, I’m 17 and my boyfriend is about to leave for basic training for the army, this column really gives me hope, and I will be sure to go over these points with him! Thanks so much! 🙂

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