(Go back to part 2 here.)
Our next question is from May who wonders about whether she and her ex are right for each other. May says:
“Hi, Clay!
My ex may be at the beginning of riding the dragon (stage of getting back together).
After our recent interactions, he has said it is not good for us to be spending too much time together since he had a great relationship and he is now dating someone else. It would also make it hard for me to move on. When we do meet, it is easy for us to connect.
We also shared an emotional moment together due to some bad news he received despite him saying that he shouldn’t be sharing this news with me.
Is it possible he thinks that I am a good woman but not the right woman?
Given that he wants to keep me at a distance and potentially risk breaking up with a nice woman could turn out to be the right woman.
How do I show empathy and respect his wishes while still staying true to myself? I don’t want to just “bow out.”
So the question here is, is it possible that he thinks that you are a good woman but not the right woman?
If you settle for a good person, there are going to be fundamental things that are missing or fatal flaws that you do not want to experience in a relationship that are going to always leave you feeling dissatisfied.
With that being said, it is absolutely possible that he might see you as a good woman and not the right woman for him.
I doubt he’s gone through our training— but even still— if he hasn’t, then he probably has some sort of idea about the person he wants to be in a relationship with.
If that’s not you, for any number of reasons, you have to really look at what he’s told you he wants in a relationship and in a woman.
You have to ask yourself, “Are you congruent with that in your own self?”
You have to not be trying to put on a mask and force a round peg into a square hole to make the relationship work.
Obviously, that’s just going to result in a lot of frustration on your end and probably on his end as well too.
Can you be yourself? Does that line up with the kind of person that he wants?
More importantly, can you be yourself and say, “this is the kind of man I want to be in a relationship with.”
Does he line up with that if there’s a mismatch?
If you’re not his right woman and he’s not your right man, then there’s going to be a lot of trouble ahead.
That’s something you should more time to explore and think about when it comes to what you might be wanting to do in the bigger scheme of things between the two of you.
Continue to part 4 here.
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