Today, we’re going to be talking about five signs you are trying too hard with the person you have crush on or who you’re dating.
Let’s get right into this. We all know that trying too hard and being too needy and desperate can be very off-putting.
Let’s see if trying too hard is something that you might benefit from working on.
1. You think they are too good for you.
The first sign you are trying too hard is that you think that they are too good for you.
Maybe you have limiting beliefs about your worthiness. If you believe that this person that you’re seeing or dating is way out of your league, too good for you and you have no business dating someone this awesome, that can be a sign that you might be trying too hard.
If you have that belief that this person is too hot for me then you’re essentially saying that they are way above you, on a pedestal.
When you put somebody on a pedestal, you have no choice but to look up to them.
You’re going to try and validate yourself to them and prove that you’re worthy of them which is going to come across as try-hard.
If you are of the belief that this person is too good for you, is out of your league and you have no business dating somebody that hot, beautiful, handsome, sexy or whatever then that can be a sign that you might be putting them up on a pedestal and possibly trying too hard.
2. You have messed-up beliefs about love or who you want to attract.
The second sign is that you might have messed up beliefs about love, dating, relationships, men, women or even yourself.
If you have a messed up belief like relationships are supposed to be hard, that can cause you to actually try too hard.
You think relationships are supposed to be hard so you’re going to unconsciously find a way of making it seem hard and then you’re going to put in all this work.
And, unsurprisingly, that will come across as you trying too hard, right?
So that’s just one example. Of course, there’s probably thousands of different psychological things that people might get sort of hung up on when it comes to dating and relationships.
Basically, if you have psychological issues and limiting beliefs around either yourself, your own value, men, women or dating and relationships or love in general, that might be a sign you are trying too hard.
3. You have a hidden agenda.
What do I mean by hidden agenda?
When you are getting to know somebody, your primary agenda should simply be to just enjoy the interaction for what it is– being around them, getting to know them, having an interaction, having a conversation, enjoying their company.
Getting to know them should be your primary objective.
If you have a hidden agenda, you might be hoping that this person might become your boyfriend or girlfriend.
You might be hoping that you can sleep with them or that they might commit to you.
You might be hoping that you might move in together.
You might hope that if you could get this person to be in a relationship with you then all of your friends would think that you are amazing and wonderful.
And, it would finally validate that your mother was wrong and you actually are a worthy and lovable person. Or anything in between.
If you have a hidden agenda, no matter what it might be, that can cause you to try too hard than you probably should with this particular person.
Again, if the primary objective of interacting or hanging out with or spending time with or dating somebody is to just have a good conversation, get to know them, have a pleasant interaction, and you think what’s on the line is your entire self-worth or your relationship with your future spouse— it’s going to ratchet up your expectations, stress and anxiety.
Suddenly, you’re going to find that you are trying too hard given that the actual intention of the interaction is just to have a good time, interact with somebody and enjoy being with somebody.
3. You’re stalking them online (or in real life).
The fourth sign you are trying too hard is if you find yourself stalking the other person online.
Maybe you’re browsing through their social media feeds and analyzing who’s liking their posts.
Who is that guy though?
He keeps liking her posts.
Is that her boyfriend?
Is that someone that who has a crush on her?
Do I need to beat him up in a dark alley after he gets off of work?
If you find yourself having these sorts of thoughts then number one, you are spending way too much time stalking this person online.
Number two, this is a sign you are trying too hard because you have most likely invested way too much energy into them given the amount of return that they are likely giving back to you.
You definitely don’t want to be spending a whole lot of time stalking and analyzing and looking at the secret trail of likes and posts and comments and social media.
I promise you, nothing good ever comes from stalking them online.
Seriously, take my word. Nothing ever good comes from stalking.
Not even you who’s reading this who’s pretty sure that your situation is an exception to the rule. Nothing good is ever going to come from that. Just don’t do it.
5. You’re keeping score in your relationship.
And the fifth sign that you are trying too hard is that you’re keeping score in your relationship.
We all know that keeping score in a relationship is never a great idea for the long-term success and enjoyment when it comes to dating and relationships.
And, for some reason, whenever you keep score, it’s always you that’s winning, isn’t it?
It’s never you that’s losing somehow because why would we keep score of things when we’re losing, right? We only want to keep score of things when the score is actually on our side.
Basically, if you’re keeping score about who’s contacting who more often or who’s paying for dates more often or who’s doing whatever more often, chances are that you’re trying too hard.
You’re over-investing way too much in the process and not focusing enough on the quality of the connection between the two of you.
The Bottom Line About The Signs You Are Trying Too Hard
Again, what I’ve been trying to teach in most of my work is that the quality of the connection between you and the person you desire is the most important thing that you can focus on.
It’s the most important thing that you can work on, improve, and address— more than text message games, social media stalking, or body language analyzing.
Have a good quality connection and you’ll be ahead of like 99 percent of the other people out there.
I hope this has helped you out. If you have recognized yourself in any of these signs you are trying too hard, perhaps there might be something that you want to look at.
