Here are some common relationship mistakes people make in dating and relationships, along with how to do damage control if you find yourself behaving badly.
1. Acting insecure and clingy.
Becoming worried and insecure that the person you’re dating is going to take off, stop loving you or start pulling away emotionally will cause them to take off, stop loving you and pull away. Fear is one of the most detrimental forces in relationships. When you start to cling, you come off as very insecure.
Cut the clinging by cutting the insecurity at it’s root. Work on affirming that you are secure in the relationship, or if your relationship isn’t actually secure, work on developing your confidence so you don’t feel the need to cling to anyone like saran wrap. Unless you have an established monogamous relationship, date multiple people at once.
Develop the mindset that if any one relationship ends, you will be all right, no matter what. The feeling that you are whole alone is essential to not falling into insecure and clingy behavior.
2. Becoming jealous and possessive.
Jealousy and possessiveness is a huge turn off. Have you ever had someone get super jealous on you? It feels like you have to keep constantly proving yourself to the jealous partner while hoping they believe that you haven’t done anything wrong. It sucks! Honestly, it makes you feel like you should just go out and do whatever it is you’re being accused of so you at least had some fun; after all you’re going to get accused of wrongdoing anyway.
You have to cultivate your self confidence. There is no replacement for a solid view of yourself. Do whatever you have to do to make sure that you’re not smothering your partner or accusing them of things they haven’t done. Don’t let your imagination run wild.
3. Emotional outbursts.
Did you let your emotions get the best of you and have some kind of angry outburst? Is it possible you MIGHT yell? This used to be me. It is still a challenge to keep a firm hold on my emotions when I disagree, but it definitely can be done.
People’s conflict styles start from childhood. Having a tendency to get out of control when angry or having a disagreement is a massive challenge to overcome, but you must practice having conflict with your partner in a healthy way.
Study and use techniques like taking a time out to calm down, trying to see the other person’s perspective and practicing active listening. If you have a legitimate anger management problem, do the work on yourself to get past it.
Do you text and call a lot? It’s tempting when you’re with someone to text them at work, call them during your lunch break and generally take up a lot of their time with communication when you aren’t actually in the same room. Since you’re thinking about them so much, it can make sense that you want to reach out. However, it’s a mistake to be in constant contact.
To fix this relationship mistake, pull way back. Don’t disappear or start ignoring their communication, just become a bit more reserved. Initiate communication about half the time you used to. Also, hobbies and distractions are a good idea.
5. “Hinting” about wanting a commitment.
While you think that hinting might help you figure things out when you’re wondering what the heck the two of you are doing together, this is a bad idea. Hinting comes off very insecure and not at all subtle.
Either have the conversation about commitment or don’t, but don’t go half way and try and drop hints that you want more. When you do this you are putting the ball firmly in the other person’s court. It’s like you’re saying “since you’re driving, where are we going?”
It’s okay to have a conversation about what YOU want out of life. Constantly making veiled references to commitment without having an actual frank conversation is a bad idea. If your pairing has gone on for over a year and you have no idea whether they want to commit to you or not, it is time for a conversation about your mutual goals. But “hinting” sounds a lot like nagging.