How To Tell Someone You Miss Them Without Sounding Needy

Go back to part 1 here.

Next question:

“Is there any way that you can communicate that you miss somebody without coming off as needy?”

So you have to really stop and think about this. What exactly do you miss about them?

You don’t just want to tick the box of being in a relationship with somebody, right?

You don’t just want to say to yourself, “OK, great! I’m in a relationship with somebody. Tick the box. I can update my Facebook status. Let’s move on,” right?

You probably want what you think the relationship is going to give you.

There’s a lot of relationships out there that probably aren’t the kind of relationship that you want to have.

You know, the kind of relationships where people are putting up with each other and going through the emotions.

Maybe they’ve been together for decades and they have both stopped trying and they’re complacent with one another.

That’s probably not what you want, yet they have “ticked” the relationship box.

What you probably want is what you think the relationship is going to get you which is most likely going to be the connection, bonding, closeness, the fun experiences together, all of that stuff. You can communicate that to somebody by saying,

“I really miss the way we used to be able to talk like this.”

“I really miss the way that we used to relax, talk about whatever and just be able to have the hours melt away,” or whatever it might be.

If you can do that and phrase it in a way where you own your experience rather than offloading it onto them, then that is really a way that you can communicate that you miss somebody without it coming across as needy.

If you say instead:

“I really need you. I miss you. I miss you so much. I… I don’t know, cry every night when I’m not with you.”

That is more like using somebody as a means to an end. When you say:

“I miss you. I have this big gaping hole and only you can fill it by coming in and taking responsibility for my well-being.”

That’s using somebody as a means to an end which is, of course, negative vulnerability.

If you are able to be complete and whole in yourself but to say, “Hey, I really liked it when we used to be able to do…” whatever it might be that you actually missed about them and that’s a great way to go about expressing that. That can actually increase the connection and increase the bonding between the two of you rather than come across as needy or desperate.

What else are folks talking about? OK. I’ve got a bunch of questions suddenly here. Lance says that he already learned this inside my Ex Solution Course.

“But this is a very insightful and different way to hear about it. Thanks!”

Well, thank you so much, Lance.

Continue to part 3 now here.

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The Ex Solution Course is a comprehensive online training program chock full of everything Clay Andrews has learned about saving a relationship from working with real people since 2009 and seeing every type of situation imaginable.

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