Getting married is kind of a big deal, that’s why it’s so important to choose someone who truly completes you.
Believe it or not, seeing a marriage therapist before walking down the aisle can shed some much-needed light on the person who you are thinking about shacking up with for life.
A marriage therapist can help you figure out the big stuff so that you’ll be set for a fun and satisfying future together. Choosing who you want to spend the rest of your life with is a huge decision that can make or break your relationship.
Are they patient? How do they act when they’re stuck in traffic? Do you really have as much in common as you thought?
That’s why we’re looking at 7 things to look for in your relationship before you get married.
1. Commitment and loyalty.
You can’t be in a strong and happy relationship with someone you can’t trust. After all, getting married is all about finding someone who is just as crazy about you as you are about them. This person should take care of your heart, not break it!
The ability to commit and stay loyal to each other are huge factors in a successful marriage. It shows you that you can trust your spouse and rely on them.
Ask your spouse about past relationships and see whether they have been disloyal before and watch how they handle their commitments.
Do they let their yes mean yes?
Knowing these things will make an informed decision about whether or not you can trust your partner for life.
2. An amazing friendship.
Your spouse is someone you go to romantic dinners with, buy surprise gifts for, and who you are intimate with. Your friend is someone you want to hang out with, buy concert tickets, laugh until you cry together, and ride roller coasters. Once you marry these two worlds together, you have your dream relationship!
Friendship is just as important as romance when it comes to marriage.
If you want to build a long-lasting relationship with the love of your life, you’ll need to marry romance and friendship. Studies show that shared activities (that friends often share together) promote marital satisfaction.
Further research also goes on to show that couples are happier when they treat each other like best friends.
3. Open communication.
Getting married is about bringing two lives together and sharing your experiences. This can be a huge change for many people and requires infinite communication.
Learning how to talk to your spouse is what will help you open up, develop a deeper connection to one another, and build trust.
Learning how to problem solve maturely and respectfully is another way couples successfully communicate.
Conflict resolution is about listening to your partner, showing empathy and patience, and working together to solve a problem. It is not about who can yell the loudest or even about who is technically right.
Respect is a huge part of a successful marriage. It shows how much your partner loves and cares for you.
If you decide to go to pre-marriage therapy, it’s important to listen to how your spouse talks about you.
Are they a “We” person or a “Me” person?
Research shows that partners who view themselves as a “we” couple (saying things like “we love this!” instead of “I love this!”) “report being more satisfied with their relationship than those who primarily perceive themselves as individuals.”
You can tell if your spouse respects you by the way they treat you.
Do they listen to what you have to say or bowl you over when you’re talking?
Do they keep the secrets you share with them or use it as a source of good gossip?
Does your spouse value your opinions or disregard you?
These are important things to find out before you get married.
5. A great intimate connection.
The oxytocin released from physical touching (such as kissing, holding hands, or hugging) has also been proven to increase trust between partners and boost monogamy. You are making your relationship more likely to succeed.
Oxytocin can also have a powerful bonding effect between loving partners and acts as a mood elevator.
Emotional intimacy is equally important to consider when looking for your forever partner. You want to find someone you have a deep emotional connection with and can be vulnerable around.
6. They take care of themselves (and you).
It may not sound nice to say out loud, but any marriage therapist can confirm that finding someone who is able to financially, emotionally, and physically care for themselves is an attractive quality.
You want to find a partner who is financially independent, who eats well, cares for their mental health and makes body care a priority.
If they value these things for themselves, they will also value making sure that you are taken care of in these different avenues of life as well.
7. You share compatible beliefs.
Do you really have to marry someone who shares your political, moral, or religious beliefs in order to be happy? Certainly not, but these things definitely help couples get along better.
In a study on what qualities most contribute to a happy, lasting marriage, results showed that partners who agreed on aims and goals and viewed marriage as a sacred union were more likely to stay together than those that didn’t.
Generally, when you’re thinking about getting married, you want to find someone who wants the same things that you do. For example, if you want to start a family one day, you likely want a partner who also wants children. You want someone who shares your values.
Getting married is probably the biggest decision you will make in your life.
When choosing a spouse, look for important qualities like commitment, loyalty, friendship, and shared interests.
It’s also good to remember that seeing a pre-marriage therapist is a great way to get to know your spouse on a deeper level and decide whether you would be compatible for life.