Marriage can be tough.
We are all guilty of making mistakes, after all it’s only human. But despite what we may see in our favorite television sitcoms, the truth is that there really is no such thing as a perfect couple.
In fact, if you’re not having the occasional tiff with your spouse, then there’s probably something wrong with your relationship. Arguments can be quite healthy for any relationship, letting off steam and telling your partner directly how their mistakes have bothered you is much more productive then bottling up your emotions.
That said, there are certain marriage mistakes that once they’re made there is no undoing it.
No matter how many times you say “I’m sorry” for these types of mistakes, it won’t undo the damage that’s already done. As the old saying goes, “it’s easier to forgive than to forget.”
Unfortunately there are certain relationship mistakes that can be deal breakers.
Sometimes it’s one big mistake and other times it can be a series of smaller ones, if you and your spouse don’t work towards rectifying your mistakes as you grow together then your marriage will begin to suffer. You may be wondering what some of the mistake that can end your marriage are, so let’s talk about them, but before we do, allow me to introduce myself properly.
Now that you know about me, let’s look at the kinds of mistakes that can ruin your marriage.
The only way you can avoid making the same mistake twice is to acknowledge that you made a mistake and understand why what you did was wrong – and then never do it again.
Many of us commit the same mistakes over and over again for reasons only we know, but we fail to see that when we commit these mistakes we’re actually just hurting ourselves and our spouse. If you find yourself committing the following mistakes that I’m about to talk about, take a step back and consider how your actions are possibly setting a negative tone in your marriage.
To get underway, I’m going to start by acknowledging that cheating is clearly the big no-no of any marriage. Yes, it’s an obvious one. But these other marriage mistakes I’m going to talk about are maybe more overlooked than you might think, so let’s get started.
You might think when you tell a little white lie that your spouse will never find out. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.
There are circumstances where you tell your spouse a white lie after rationalizing that it’s acceptable. Often, these little white lies come out and when they do, your spouse will feel deceived and believe that you have lied about other things throughout your marriage.
You create a space for doubt. Essentially, doubt is powerful emotion that can cause your partner to have second thoughts about the marriage in general.
So how do you avoid this?
Practice honesty in your marriage, even if it means telling your partner something that they may not want to hear. Doing this is not only going to improve your marriage, but it also means in return your partner will be more open and honest with you.
2. Disrespect and distrust.
It is common for couples to get on each other’s nerves or bump heads, but it is key never to lose respect for one another. Once the insults begin, there is no going back.
Don’t throw the past in your spouse’s face or take each other for granted.
If you are in doubt about something, never go through each other’s personal belongings looking for answers. Not only is that an invasion of privacy but if your spouse finds out, they will have a hard time trusting you again. So instead, face your doubts and discuss your concerns with your spouse.
Respect each other’s space, opinions, and beliefs. Good marriages are based on creating a positive environment where encouragement and respect are nurtured.
As long as there is respect between you, differences are only going to be respected. Out of respect our partners will not cheat on us and out of respect they will help us, if we let them know what’s going on.
3. Controlling behavior.
Another mistake in a marriage– one that’s often overlooked– is when one partner tries desperately to control the other.
Let’s take a step back and look at the bigger picture here.
In life, we’re given opportunities.
Every now and then, you might come across a chance to better yourself. This may mean you may not be able to see your other half for a short period of time or it may mean that your relationship isn’t number one on the priority list for a while, but if your spouse can’t see the importance of these opportunities, then this is not a good sign.
In a healthy relationship, you should encourage each other to be the best that you can be and to strive towards making both of your dreams come true, no matter the sacrifices.
Most of the time the main trait of a controlling partner is a need to try and change who you are. Before you start thinking “but Brad, I’m only trying to help them,” let me explain.
It is perfectly fine to encourage your partner to better themselves by suggesting they get active or to cut down on the Pepsi, but it’s another thing, to demand that they dress a certain way or to try and change their fundamental beliefs or opinions.
You married your spouse for a reason, so let them be who they are and let them do what they like. In return, your spouse and your marriage is going to be much happier.
4. Trying to do a mind-meld with your spouse.
We all know a couple that are seemingly all smiles and agreement. They are the kind of people that go to everything together, they like the same foods, they take the same cooking classes and they watch the same TV shows, basically they’re happy as a 1950’s TV movie.
“Why wasn’t I that lucky?” you may wonder. But take a step back because things are not always as they appear to be.
In a marriage, it is a mistake to expect your partner to like the same things that you do every minute of every day.
So what if they have a different opinion than you? It’s a good thing. Don’t push your spouse away or criticize their opinion just because it’s different to yours. Words hurt and they can often be tough to forget. It is totally normally to have different interests and opinions from your spouse. If anything, this actually keeps things exciting.
To avoid conflict, it is important to accept and embrace your spouse’s differences. Not only does this allow for a healthy relationship but it allows you to be you. Just because you have different interests or options, it doesn’t mean that you and your spouse are not compatible. It is okay to change your mind on things.
5. Neglecting friendships outside the marriage.
We’ve all seen it before, where one of our friends gets into a relationship and disappears off the scene. They stop turning up to events, their behavior changes and you realize they’re not the same person they once were.
Some people laugh about it and say that it’s a case of being whipped but this type of behavior in married couples is a lot more serious and common than many of us want to believe.
Here’s the thing.
Just because you’re married doesn’t change the fact that humans are social beings.
This isn’t to say that your spouse should be hitting the bar every weekend, but every now and again, a night out with old time buddies should not be interpreted as a sign of boredom or a reason for jealously. Sure, their banter may include small complaints about married life but that’s healthy. Just think of it as free and friendly therapy.
Your spouse’s friends are an outlet for them to express their feelings and share their stories.
Believe it or not, taking these things away from your spouse will only secretly eat away at them. In the long run it will actually hinder your marriage. Besides, do you really want to hear your other half ramble on about football or dissect the latest Justin Bieber album?
6. Expectations and responsibilities are out of whack.
Last but certainly not least on the list is expectations and responsibilities.
As a married couple, don’t assume that one spouse is responsible for everything. Both partners should share responsibilities.
In some instances, maybe one spouse handles things a little more than the other. It’s up to the couple’s discretion. Nevertheless, expecting one spouse to do it all is very unreasonable. In that case why be married at all?
You’re a team, remember?
If you have any questions on these common marriage mistakes or would like some more advice about how to avoid conflict in your marriage, please watch the full length video presentation on my website here.
I hope that you’ve learned something new and as always I really appreciate those of you who take the time to share your feedback in the comments below. Thanks very much for reading. I’ll see you next time. Good Luck.