You’re happily married and things are going great, or so it seems. Then unexpectedly, your wife hits you with some shocking news. She wants a divorce.
The announcement hits you like a ton of bricks and suddenly, you feel like a helpless child.
Before you throw in the towel or say something you’ll regret, let me share with you 4 big tips for preventing divorce.
Hi, Brad Browning here. As a relationship coach and author of Mend The Marriage, an online coaching program that teaches readers how to save their marriage, preventing divorce is a hot topic for me. So let’s dive straight into it.
If your wife wants a divorce, chances are, she is past the point of trying to work out your problems or asking for things to change. She is feeling exhausted. To her, your marriage is lost.
For you, this news may come as a huge shock. Sure, you know there have been problems but you didn’t think that things were that bad.
Now is your time to take action. If you want to save your marriage and convince your wife not to leave you, then it’s time to step up to the plate and make some changes.
Before we get started, I want to say that while it may seem impossible to save your marriage without the cooperation of your wife, I have helped many people in your situation.
It’s true that you can’t control your wife’s decisions but I have seen amazing things happen when even just one person in the marriage begins making some positive changes.
Without further ado, here are 4 things you can do to rebuild your marriage and prevent a divorce.
The most important piece of advice I can give you is not overreact when your wife tells you she’s unhappy with your marriage. As hard as it may be, you must stay calm. It’s perfectly OK for you her to know that you’re upset and scared but you need to keep control of your emotions.
It’s true that humans have a natural instinct to pursue their needs and wants but in situations like these where emotions are running high, there is no room to act on instinct.
Screaming, begging, hysterics, name-calling, retaliation, blaming, abuse are all things you can’t take back. This kind of behavior will push your wife further away and make you look pathetic. At the end of the day, you want to be proud of your actions, not ashamed of them.
Simply put, you have two choices. One, you can be angry and wallow in self-pity. Or two, you could choose to love your wife through this difficult time.
Even if your wife is stubborn and unresponsive, that’s OK. Just because she turned out the lights on your marriage doesn’t mean you can’t still shine. If you really want to prevent divorce, then you need to take the high road and commit yourself and your actions to save your marriage.
Developing great communication skills can be a powerful tool for overcoming issues in your marriage.
However, communicating could be particularly tough when your wife is done with talking. No matter how hard it is to get your message through to her, at no point should you belittle, threaten, ridicule, or manipulate your wife into changing her mind.
Remember, your words and actions are you greatest allies right now so keep them in check and in control.
To help with your communication, try this quick exercise. Begin by reminiscing about when you and your wife first go out together, how you met and what you enjoyed doing together. You probably kissed, cuddled, talked nights away, and made love at every opportunity. You thought she was funny, smart, and interesting.
You fell in love with her because she made you feel good. Try and capture those feelings again.
Next, think about your wedding and how excited you both were in the days that followed. By recalling these types of memories, you will be able to reset your focus on what’s important in your marriage and find ways to communicate these messages to her.
Over time, you and your wife have built a pattern of habitual actions and reactions. That means how you act influences how she reacts and vice-versa.
So, making a change in your behavior will mean a change in your wife’s behavior. If your new actions are positive, the relationship and your wife’s reactions can also take a turn for the best.
In order to save your marriage without your wife’s help, you need to look honestly at your own behavior and assess how you can change it to keep your wife. You can only change yourself, but in doing so, you will also change your relationship.
Saving your marriage is going to take a lot of hard work and determination.
Sometimes you will backslide and may even try things that don’t work but this is where commitment comes into play. If you keep trying, eventually you will start to have small successes and it will get easier.
A big part of being committed means giving your wife time to heal.
If you have gotten to this point in your marriage, chances are that it has been rocky for some time now. You wife needs time to see that you are determined and dedicated to making any necessary changes.
If you’re interested in learning more about preventing divorce, visit my website and watch the full length video presentation. There, you will also learn about my ABCD system which is designed specifically to strengthen and save your marriage.
4. The Forever Phrase.
Once you have put in the time and commitment to making some personal changes, then you may want to consider using the forever phrase. Again, this is not something that you should use right off the bat but only after you’ve made some progress on your own.
The forever phrase is an effective sentence or two used to tap into your wife’s nostalgic memories. Here’s how it goes:
“Remember that time when I told how much I loved you during our trip to Rome? I will always regret it if we don’t at least try to rebuild our connection before we throw our love away.”
Of course, you have to adapt the trip to Rome with a particularly happy moment you shared together. The key here is to use a memory that will remind your wife how incredible your connection was at that stage. This is a powerful tool. If you’re going to use it, then just be sure you do so at the right time.
All right. That’s about it all for today. I hope you enjoyed it and learned some tips that you can use to save your marriage if your wife wants a divorce.
If you have any questions, feel free to post in the comments section below. You can also get more information about Mend The Marriage and more free tips at my website.