Sometimes people sabotage their first dates by oversharing, saying the wrong things, or bringing up taboo topics too soon.
Are you unknowingly driving people away?
That’s why I want to share exactly what to talk about on a first date and what to avoid.
Let’s get to it.
1. Negativity.
Any negative topics that you discuss will make you seem like a negative person.
They don’t have a long history with you to balance these comments with your overall personality. Anything negative will seem magnified and give a bad impression.
2. How much you have always wanted children.
If you have kids, it’s important to be clear and transparent about this.
However, if you don’t, spilling all about your desire to have kids can come off like you’re desperately looking for a baby Momma or Daddy.
Same with the next point:
3. Wanting to be married within a certain timeframe.
Even if you’ve already bought the dress and are dying to settle down with someone, keep in mind that you just met the human being in front of you.
Sharing a lot about how you see your future going will scare them off and make him feel like you’re looking for someone, anyone to fill the spouse role.
This is insulting and you will inadvertently make him feel like it doesn’t matter who does it, you just want to get married ASAP.
4. Intimacy.
This includes inviting them back to your place, discussing your favorite positions, fantasies or anything else intimacy-related.
Just keep the bedroom talk to yourself unless you are only interested in a one night stand or a fling.
If that is the case, then let your freak flag fly, but keep in mind that talking about it might still come off too forward.
5. Your finances.
Are things going great/poorly in your pocketbook?
Avoid talking about raises, debts, or financial woes.
You don’t want to attract a gold digger or plant the seed of worry if things aren’t going great with your money.
6. Health problems.
If you have something going on heath-wise, it’s too early to share.
An exception would be if it somehow affects what you’re doing in the present moment.
Otherwise, keep the very personal health issues for later.
7. Previous relationships.
You should never, ever talk about your ex or your previous relationships on a first date.
Talking about your ex makes it sound like you aren’t over the failed relationship whether you are or not.
If you’ve been on the other side of the table from someone who is droning on about their ex, you know how annoying it is. Don’t do it.
8. Skeletons in your closet.
Keep your deep, dark secrets to yourself. Revealing them too soon can make you seem unbalanced.
Also, if these things really are secrets, why are you sharing them with someone you just met anyway?
9. Addictions.
Are you in recovery for an addiction?
This is not the time to share that either.
Being in recovery is highly personal and should be held back until you have built deeper rapport.
10. Why your life isn’t going the way you want.
Hitting a lot of walls lately in your personal life? Job got you down?
Complaining about your life projects negativity and lack of motivation.
Also, if you aren’t doing anything at the moment about hating your job, this makes you look not only negative but also unmotivated.
11. Your crazy family.
If your family isn’t quite what family is cracked up to be, it’s best to leave this out.
You can’t change your family, but you can avoid framing it negatively to new people.
When you get to know them better you can tell them all about it. The first date is just too soon.
12. Lies of any type.
Don’t stretch (or break) the truth so that later you have a mess on your hands.
While I’m definitely supportive of you framing your life positively, it’s important never to lie about your circumstances.
Don’t set things up so that you have to unravel it later or are always trying to keep track of what you said. Just don’t.
13. Where this relationship is going.
It’s the first date! You should not have any idea where the relationship is going yet. Neither do they!
Don’t say something sappy like “I think us meeting was fate” either. This is creepy.
14. Plastic surgery.
Had work done? Keep it to yourself on the first date.
While you might be proud of your new physique, the other person doesn’t necessarily care and it comes off like you are unhappy with yourself.
15. Rambling on and on about yourself.
Think “pitch AND catch” when you’re having a conversation on a first date.
Don’t launch into a monologue about yourself. Just think about how turned off you would feel you if the tables were turned.
16. Politics.
Remember that while your views might be totally logical and reasonable, if you get into a heated political discussion with them, it will probably backfire.
Also, plenty of people with opposing viewpoints get along long term, but it won’t happen if you drive them away on the first date.
If your date brings up any of these topics, listen politely and steer the conversation in a different direction.
So… what should you talk about on a first date?
I know I just ruled out many first date conversation topics, which can leave you wondering what to talk about.
Asking your date questions is a great way to keep things flowing.
Remember, they might be a bit nervous, so the conversation could feel a little strained.
That’s why asking specific questions and listening closely to their answers can help both of you.
Here are some great first date conversation topics with several open-ended icebreaker questions to ask about each.
Creative interests.
A first date is a perfect time to share your unique passions, interests and hobbies and find these things out about your date.
A first date is perfect for sharing passions and hobbies.
- “What are your favorite creative activities?”
- “Have you taken up any new hobbies recently?”
- “Is there anything you love to do so much that you lose track of time?”
- “If you could spend a whole day doing something you love, what would it be?”
- “What inspires your creative side?”
Goals and purpose.
Some good ice breaker questions to ask your date about their goals and purpose are:
- “What are some of the biggest goals you’re working towards right now?”
- “What inspires you to get out of bed in the morning?”
- “Is there a cause or issue you’re particularly passionate about?”
- “How do you envision your life in the next five years?”
You can learn a lot about someone by finding out why they chose their current path.
The local area.
The local area is a good conversation topic because you get to find out more about what your date enjoys without coming across as invasive or too personal.
- “What’s your favorite hidden gem in this area?”
- “Are there any local events or activities you enjoy attending?”
- “Do you have a favorite restaurant or café around here?”
- “Is there a particular spot around here that holds special meaning to you?”
- “What’s the best place to relax and unwind in this area?”
BONUS: if there is a spark between you, this is a great way to get inspiration for your next date.
Current events.
Asking about current events is an opportunity to find out what they think is important in the world.
Here are questions to ask on a first date about current events:
- “Have you been following any interesting news stories lately?”
- “What are your thoughts on [recent event]?”
- “Is there a particular current event that has caught your attention?”
- “How do you stay informed about what’s happening in the world?”
- “What’s one recent event or development that you think will have a big impact on the future?”
First date conversations can be tricky, but asking thoughtful questions about interests, goals, local spots, and current events will help you create a connection.
If you want to fall in love and create a close, connected relationship with a good man, be sure to watch my free masterclass 3 Innocent Mistakes Women Make With Men.
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