A client inside Manifest True Love recently got in touch to ask whether women should only date men who have as much or more wealth as they do.
Here we go:
I’m wondering your thoughts about relationships where the woman has more money and financial wealth than the man.
In this day and age is this more common place?
How does it work so the man and woman still feel masculine and feminine?
Do you think it’s necessary for the man to be at a higher income level?
Yes– it’s more commonplace for women to have more financial resources nowadays.
Thankfully, we’ve come a long way since marriage and relationships were a property agreement where women were part of the property being exchanged.
And no, it’s not necessary for the man to be at a higher income level to “compete” with a woman’s amount of resources.
Emotionally, this is a separate issue from the practical concerns behind the resources.
A courting man in his masculine will usually want to bring resources (emotional, time, physical) to cherish the woman he’s with– no matter what worldly possessions either of them happens to have.
Masculine men are not objectively attracted to a feminine woman’s stuff and things.
They might think it’s technically ‘cool’ that a wealthy woman has certain things, but just like having a Ph.D and a resume a mile long don’t attract a man, neither does financial wealth.
If he’s aware that there’s a big imbalance between them, how much she has may make him feel anxious and uncertain about whether what he has to offer is good enough for her, but resources in and of themselves won’t impress a man who is in his masculine energy.
This is why a woman who wants to be the feminine partner in the relationship should let a masculine man do his courtship in whatever way he wishes.
The fact that she has more money than him does not stop him from doing what he decides to do as long as she doesn’t prevent him from courting her.
To make this more clear, let me use an imperfect– but still instructive gender reversal example.
Say the man in a relationship is objectively extremely physically attractive– if we were to use symmetry and the golden ratio for beauty as our yardstick.
The woman in the relationship is on the low end of physical attractiveness.
In this case, we don’t wonder if the man or woman should act differently because the other one is super hot or not. We accept that’s how these people look.
The man’s attractiveness wouldn’t automatically stop the woman from doing things to make herself look as attractive as she chooses in whatever way pleases her.
Nor should it make the man choose to look less attractive because he’s with a woman who is objectively less beautiful than he is.
Same with intelligence. If you’re a genius rocket-scientist brain surgeon, you don’t need a genius, rocket-scientist brain surgeon husband unless you think you do.
And, if you think you do, you still actually don’t need it, but the fact you think you do will drive you crazy unless you sort it out emotionally.
Same with money.
As with all courtship, women should refrain from disrespecting and rejecting a man’s gifts to her– no matter what type of resource they are– time, money or emotional.
Whether she chooses to accept and respect what a man has to offer should not have anything to do with what she already has herself.
Problems happen when she disrespects whatever the masculine partner brings her or changes what she has to fit him.
It’s also a common mistake for a feminine woman to fall into the masculine role of #1 provider because her partner has less financial resources (for example– constantly picking up the check or overriding his financial decisions with her own by throwing money at it).
Just BECAUSE someone has something, doesn’t mean they automatically expend it for their relationship.
This is why it works best when a wealthy woman in her feminine energy lets a courting male do whatever cherishing actions he chooses to do in her direction as far as courtship, respects what he does and then gives back to return the favor.
If there’s a glaring practical concern like, “I want to go to Fiji for a month and he can’t afford it,” she can go alone or with friends, she can ask for him to escort her and choose to pay his way, or she can mention she wants to take a vacation and see what he suggests they do together.
This way, he gets to choose what he does with his money and isn’t required to compete with her to keep the relationship going.
Equitable courtship should proceed at the level the masculine partner is willing to provide, with the feminine partner giving back in tangible (reciprocal treating) and intangible ways (access to sensuality, appreciation, respect, exclusivity, etc.).
What the feminine partner possesses as far as finances doesn’t really affect the equation unless she makes it so– thus going into her masculine and competing with him.
If they choose to live together and pool their resources, it usually works best for them to make an equitable agreement that ensures both of them contribute to their shared life together.
Keeping an account for shared expenses, and separate accounts for each person often serves this purpose well.
Problems With Wealth Imbalance
A feminine partner’s resources become a problem specifically when she either draws attention to the imbalance between them, expects him to keep up with her financial expenditures or she competes with him financially.
For example, this happens when she either draws attention to the imbalance by assuming he can’t afford things, insists on paying when she was asked out on the date or consistently brings up topics coated in financial privilege.
That’s also where the mental and emotional part of the wealth imbalance comes in.
The more people tell themselves that something should be different about their partner– no matter what that “thing” actually is, the worse the relationship will generally go.
If the wealthy woman chooses to “should” all over herself with expectations about the less wealthy man’s pocketbook, she’s going to make herself unhappy and most likely much less attractive to him. Same if the roles were reversed.
Her underlying disappointment about his financial situation will become obvious to him on some level.
If the less wealthy man chooses to start shaming himself with less-than, lackful thoughts about the woman’s wealth in relationship to his own, he’s going to radiate lack and also appear even less resourced and unattractive to her.
Then, depending on her attitude toward him, he’s likely to either go away because he does not have the resources to provide or he’ll increase his available resources over time– either by creating more or bringing her more emotional, sensual and time-based resources.
A masculine partner will either provide what he has to offer his wealthy feminine partner or find someone else who respects and appreciates what he does bring.
Money is important, but it is not actually required to enjoy one another’s company.
