How to approach a man (or whether women should do it all) is such a hotly debated topic.
Some coaches say women should never approach a man and let him come to you.
I disagree with this, because men have faced lots of backlash for approaching women in the past 10-15 years, so the good ones are very, very gun-shy.
The slimy, toxic men have kept going in the same way as they always have.
This has left good men feeling even more nervous and afraid to approach you.
It has also made it less likely you’ll meet someone organically who you actually want to meet.
Also, traditionally, women (or the woman’s side of the family) were actually the first ones in a courtship interaction to show they might be open to someone’s interest.
However, when the masculine energy person (doesn’t matter if this is the man or woman, I mean energetically) speaks first and takes the risk, relationships tend go more smoothly and harmoniously.
This means, even if you’re interested in being the more feminine energy person in the relationship, when you’re interested, it’s to your advantage to do something to meet a man.
Especially if you’re tired of dating apps and still want to find love.
However since the feminine energy person usually waits to be approached, you may feel very awkward marching over to a man and introducing yourself as though it’s a business meeting.
That’s why, it’s easier to act in a more subtle and flirtatious way that gets you talking to him more naturally.
Here are my subtle ways for approaching men in public that don’t really scream, “I wish to be the pursuer here” but make sure you’re seen.
You’ll naturally provide him with the opportunity to start a deeper conversation and take the lead.
Here are my 4 subtle ways for how to approach a man so he won’t even realize it was your idea.
1. Make eye contact and smile
Make eye contact for a few seconds, smile and look away.
Think flirty thoughts when you do this. Look back over and return his gaze. Keep smiling (yes, it does feel awkward).
If he wants to talk to you, he’ll come over, because you have just signaled to him that you would be interested in meeting him.
If he doesn’t, then you have your answer about whether he’s available and/or attracted to you.
2. Ask him an innocent question
- Need directions?
- Help finding something?
- Wondering what time it is?
Get near him first and then innocuously ask your question.
This is one of my favorites! You have started a conversation of some type, it feels natural and it gives him the opportunity to help you.
Note: If you have your phone, you CANNOT ask him the time. Pick something else.
If you whip out your phone with its big clock on the front, two minutes after you ask him the time, it’s going to backfire and you’ll look silly.
Now, you can potentially turn looking silly into meeting him, so if you mess up, keep going.
MORE: 101 Thought-Provoking Questions To Get To Know Someone
3. Run into him
I’m not advocating actually falling on the man, but if you can bump into him… accidentally… it’s not a bad way to start a conversation.
Don’t be like me and actually fall and then spill your drink all over yourself.
If you’re choosing to approach him this way, obviously there is a big difference between gently bumping into someone and knocking them over.
Remember that you need to prepare something to say for after you approach the guy as well.
Don’t get caught there, deer-in-the-headlights style, unable to transition to an actual conversation if he just stares at you once you arrive.
If all else fails…
MORE: 43 Smooth Ways To Meet Someone Organically (No Dating Apps Required)
4. Compliment him on something non-sexual
Find something, anything to compliment him on.
Subtle is good. Quirky is also good.
The book he’s reading, the jacket he’s wearing, etc. are all good compliment opportunities.
Also, check out my big list of compliments for guys here and you’ll never run out of ideas.
However, don’t be like this: once I marched over to a man to compliment him and had no idea what else I intended to say after that.
It was going well, he said thank you and smiled but he didn’t say anything right away either.
After a few awkward seconds, I panicked and ran. It was a total failure at approaching a man.
Even if you have to talk about the weather, have something else ready so that you aren’t stuck there in silence after you deliver your compliment.
If he doesn’t really go any further with it, drop the conversation unless you want to be the pursuer in the relationship.
MORE: 53 Flirty Questions to Ask When You’re Sick of Small Talk
