Hi, I’m Elizabeth Stone. Here’s today’s question:
I went on a date with this guy. After three dates he wanted sex?
Is that the new thing now and didn’t respect my boundaries as i don’t have sex after three dates. He’s looking for a girl who has no boundaries and just goes with the flow.
So… basically you seem annoyed that this man wanted to have sex with you after 3 dates.
It doesn’t sound like he forced himself on you or did anything out of hand.
You just said he wanted sex.
Well… I’ve noticed that many people want sexual intimacy. Some of them are men.
It isn’t disrespectful or out of hand that this man wanted that with you.
If someone asks you for something, you are not obligated to say yes.
If you aren’t interested, it’s up to you to tell him who you are and share your personal set of standards around sex.
Then, if he ignores your boundary, either by treating you poorly or forcing the issue, that is disrespectful.
And… rape if he follows through with sex after you say no.
But you didn’t mention that he did either of these things, just the fact that he was interested in intimacy after 3 dates.
I don’t see the problem because you are the boss of you.
It’s entirely up to you to say no.
You can and should have ALL the standards about when you choose to share your body with someone.
Just because someone wants something from you doesn’t mean anything except the basic fact that they want something.
The desire itself does not entitle someone else to it.
Now, if you say no to sex after three dates and he reacts badly, then GOOD.
You know that you don’t have the same standards and you’ve weeded him out of the dating pool for you.
But you’ll get closer to what you want, sooner and have a lot more fun in the process of dating if you drop the needless judgment around people who want different things than you do.
Now get out there and meet some new men who want the same things!
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