“What Should I Do When My Sex Partner Continues After I Say No”


sexual assault, rape

Today I answer a woman whose casual sexual relationship has turned abusive.

Dear Elizabeth,

I’m in a friends with benefits relationship with this guy and he loves anal sex but I don’t. I’m a small girl and he is a big guy with a thick penis. It’s good to have sex with him but not the anal. We have tried olive oil etc to make to make it better but still I don’t like it. I have told him that I don’t want it and we start with kissing and vaginal sex but eventually he turns me around and ends up doing anal while I keep saying no. This has happened a couple of times, what should I do? How should I convince him not to do anal?

I don’t know whether ending the relationship right away would be a good idea because I don’t have anyone else to satisfy my needs and all I want is him to stop anal and have vaginal sex.

What should I do?

-Back Door Is Closed

This is rape.

I have a strong policy with letting my boundaries be violated. If I put a boundary in place and someone violates it, we are not going there again.

You have to cut this off immediately.

You have already said “no” and been ignored.

Please understand that this behavior is not okay.

Putting yourself in any ROOM with someone who ignores it when you say NO is a terrible idea.

Even if you don’t have an established relationship, a loving sex partner will not continue to have sex of any kind with you while you say no.

Having someone to satisfy SOME of sexual your needs doesn’t hold a candle to your personal safety. What he is doing is classified as sexual assault. If you let it continue, you risk letting it escalate until he’s having sex with you when you don’t even want to.

Continuing to have sex after either of you says no = Sexual assault.

You have to value yourself over potential sexual satisfaction and not allow this to continue.

Do you have dating and relationship questions? Send them in here for Elizabeth to answer in a future Ask Elizabeth column.

Elizabeth Stone

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is a bestselling author, head love coach and founder of Attract The One.

Through her coaching, writing and online programs she has helped thousands of women reunite with their men and create amazing, soul-level connections. She is thrilled to have helped so many couples reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has gone viral on Your Tango and Thought Catalog as well as been featured on EHarmony, Zoosk, Popsugar, The Good Men Project, Tiny Buddha, Bustle, Fox News Magazine, Ravishly, She Knows, Mind’s Journal, Read Unwritten, Madame Noire, Digital Romance Inc. and many more.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.