How to approach a man (or whether you should do it all) is such a hotly debated topic. Some dating coaches say women should never approach a man and let him come to you.
And, when the masculine energy (doesn’t matter if this is the man or woman, I mean energetically) speaks first, relationships go more smoothly and harmoniously, since masculine men are turned off when pursued in much the same way feminine women are turned off when they aren’t chased and cherished.
But, even if you’re interested in being the feminine energy, when you’re interested sometimes you have to do something.
For the rest of this article, I will reference women, but really I mean anyone who wishes to embody the feminine energy in their love relationships.
How else are you going to meet that cute guy at the coffee shop who doesn’t see you if you don’t DO something?
Right??
Right.
However since the feminine energy waits to be approached, if you march on over, say “Hello,” it could very well backfire, give him the idea you wish to be in the masculine role and turn him off.
That’s why, if you’re interested in being the feminine energy person in your relationship, always think “subtle and flirtatious.”
Here are my sneaky ways for approaching men in public that don’t really scream, “I wish to be the pursuer here” but make sure you’re seen and provide him with the natural opportunity to start a conversation and take the lead.
Here are my 4 tried and true ways to approach men so he won’t even realize it was your idea.
1. Make eye contact and smile.
Make eye contact for a few seconds, smile and look away.
Think flirty thoughts when you do this. Look back over and return his gaze. Keep smiling (yes, it does feel awkward).
If he wants to talk to you, he’ll come over, because you have just signaled to him that you would be interested in meeting him.
If he doesn’t, then you have your answer about whether he’s available and/or attracted to you.
2. Ask him an innocent question.
- Need directions?
- Help finding something?
- Wondering what time it is?
Get near him first and then innocuously ask your question.
This is one of my favorites! You have started a conversation of some type, it feels natural and it gives him the opportunity to help you.
Note: If you have your phone, you CANNOT ask him the time. Pick something else. If you whip out your phone with its big clock on the front, two minutes after you ask him the time, it’s going to backfire and you’ll look silly.
3. Run into him.
I’m not advocating actually falling on the man, but if you can bump into him… accidentally… it’s not a bad way to start a conversation. Don’t be like me and actually fall and then spill your drink all over yourself. Think very gentle and subtle, if you’re choosing to try this on purpose.
Remember that you need to prepare something to say for after you approach the guy as well. Don’t get caught there, deer-in-the-headlights style, unable to transition to an actual conversation if he just stares at you once you arrive.
If all else fails…
4. Compliment him on something non-sexual.
Find something, anything to compliment him on. Subtle is good. Quirky is also good. The book he’s reading, the jacket he’s wearing, etc. are all good compliment opportunities.
However, don’t be like this: once I marched over to a man to compliment him and had no idea what else I intended to say after that. It was going well, he said thank you and smiled but he didn’t say anything right away either.
After a few awkward seconds, I panicked and ran. It was a total failure at approaching a man.
Even if you have to talk about the weather, have something else ready so that you aren’t stuck there in silence after you deliver your compliment.
If he doesn’t really go any further with it, drop the conversation unless you want to be the pursuer in the relationship.
