Hi, I’m coach Elizabeth Stone. Here’s today’s question:
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me less than two months ago. I was already at the point in the relationship where I was also ready to leave but I knew I didn’t want to be the one who did the leaving.
However, I still have him in my private story and he often swipes up and comments on the things I post.
What does this mean? Is he just being friendly? Or is he trying to rekindle something between us?
Of course, I still love him, he was pretty much my first everything and we got along extremely well. There were just a lot of outside factors that wouldn’t allow our relationship to grow.
You said that you were already ready to leave him when he broke up with you.
So it doesn’t matter what his behavior means.
No one hands you an “how to be an ex” playbook when a big relationship ends.
Your ex boyfriend probably doesn’t have a big master plan behind what he’s doing when he swipes and comments on your social media posts.
Think about it like this.
If you KNEW with 100% certainty that his actions right now mean he’s spending day and night thinking about how much he wants you back, does that change the reality about your relationship working?
If the answer is no– then you need to quit torturing yourself and monitoring what he’s doing on social media.
If the answer is yes (or you want another chance with him)– then maybe it’s time to start talking with him again.
Either way, monitoring what your ex boyfriend is doing on social media like this is a bad habit that you would benefit from breaking.
Research suggests that people who keep following each other and monitoring what their ex is doing after a breakup tend to stay unhappy longer and have a harder time moving on.
If it’s true that you should not be in a romantic relationship with your ex boyfriend for whatever reason– then you’re using your time and energy wondering about something that doesn’t matter at all in the long run.
I like to think about it like this: if whatever is bothering me won’t matter at all in five years, then it’s time to let it go right now.
So, do whatever you have to do to quit checking up on him.
If you think the breakup is really a mistake and you want another chance, then you can approach that another way.
Either way, it’s time to get out and start living your best life!
To find out how women accidentally sabotage their relationships with men, check out my free masterclass 3 Innocent Mistakes Women Make With Men.
