A reader wonders what his chances are of getting back together with his ex girlfriend.
I would like to ask for your honest opinion if there is any chance for me to win my ex girlfriend back. We have been together for around 6 months… She has a very kind heart and though she has many friends, she is actually an introvert at heart…
Sadly.. I took her for granted… I didn’t fulfill quite a number of promises. I was late… I didn’t offer her the emotional support for her work…
This was my first relationship and she practically held my hand through it… I am very thankful to her for that..
I have appear very distraught, and cried in front of her.. I have also written an apology and thank you message to her (not sure if you can call it a closure)….
Her reason for wanting out was that she doesn’t feel for me anymore.. She has also told her friends that she doesn’t wish to get back with me….
I really don’t wish to end it like this but don’t wish to force my way back into her life…
Is there any chance for us to be together again?
Yes. Anything can happen in relationships. At this point nothing surprises me when it comes to breakups.
However, even though I realize you really care about getting your ex girlfriend back, there are some important things to consider in your situation:
1. She’s your first relationship.
The odds that you’ll have a forever relationship with your first girlfriend are small. Fear of missing out is just too strong for most first relationships to become forever love.
Relationships aren’t easy or something that people automatically know how to do successfully (as you learned firsthand).
Even when we love someone, we’re only human and prone to mistakes. In order to do anything well, you’ve got to get experience. And experience in relationships means meeting lots of people and learning how to treat people.
It sounds like you learned a lot about what NOT to do with your ex girlfriend, which will make you a better all around partner going forward.
2. Your relationship was relatively short.
If your girlfriend was ready to dump you and move on after 6 months, that’s a very short time in relationship-land. I firmly believe that you need at least a year to really get to know someone. The fact that she was ready to pull the plug after 6 months tells me that you might not necessarily know her as well as you need to for a long term relationship with her to work.
You can’t force your way back into her life anyway, so I’m glad that you don’t want to do it that way.
But, like I said, anything can happen. There is certainly a chance for you to get back together with your ex girlfriend, but here’s the major, number one problem you face right now:
You’re completely in her business and not minding your own.
I don’t say this to be hard on you, it’s completely understandable that you’re in this emotional space since you’re going through a hard time after the breakup.
However, if you want any chance at winning your ex girlfriend back, you have to do the opposite of pursuing her.
You must give her a TON of space.
And while you give her space, it’s time to fix yourself up so that she sees changes. You must become a better version of who she began dating months ago.
She has to feel like she’s missing out by not being with you.
At this point, go no contact with her until at least 30-60 days from now. Don’t even consider getting in touch until you have made considerable changes that she will notice.
Women are drawn to purposeful men. How’s your job? How’s your fitness? Have you been on any dates?
Focus on these areas first before you even think of talking to her again.
Until you can legitimately say you’re a happier, more put together person, you must focus on yourself before you worry about your chances of getting your ex girlfriend back.