Hi, I’m Elizabeth Stone. Here’s today’s question:
If someone who used to tell you that you were the biggest love of their life tells you they aren’t in love with you anymore (just shy of 8 years) then continues to live with you (amicably as a lodger) is there any hope?
Context: I’ve not tried to persuade or ingratiate myself with her (we are both females in our 50s).
I’m a hopeful person. I’ve seen all kinds of relationships turn around.
First, it’s a decently good sign that your ex is willing to stick around as a lodger and roommate.
All that means is the sight of you isn’t so annoying that she feels like she has to get away immediately. You’re both acting kind towards each other. This is also positive. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to keep living together.
Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to keep living together.
Next, she had strong past feelings for you.
The flip side is that you’re both there under each other’s noses. The ex doesn’t have to accept your loss at all because she’s right there watching you every day. There’s no mystery.
Also, usually to get to this point of low interest and lack of passion, the person who asked me the question (you) usually has lost their mojo in some way.
You might have let yourself go– either physically or emotionally. You might have stopped doing the things that make you happy separately from the relationship.
You might have taken her for granted and imagined that her feelings could never have changed.
Now, you might have done all or NONE of these things.
I don’t know what it is for you in particular without hearing more.
But, what works to get your ex back is usually the opposite of most people’s base instincts.
Usually people think that leaning into the relationship and trying HARDER with their ex is the answer.
Usually, once it’s gotten to this point, that’s not very helpful. So– well done avoiding that. You said you didn’t try to convince her to change her mind or ingratiate yourself to her. Excellent.
Since you don’t have to clean that up, your next step is to remember who the heck you were when she fell in love with you in the first place. Then go out and regain your lost mojo.
Best of luck out there, keep me posted on how it goes.
To find out why lasting love might have been hard to get, sign up for my free masterclass The 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love.
