Today, let’s talk about about how you can feel happier right away without having to book a trip to Tahiti or win the lotto.
Whether you’re going through a rough spot in your relationship, going through a breakup or you just want to feel happier more often, I’ve got you covered.
Here are the 3 most basic, simple steps to shifting your mood so you can feel better, get unstuck and get moving again.
1. Become aware of your focus
Looking at the wall when you’re racing a car will lead you to slamming right into that wall.
The first step in becoming happier and lighter is to notice the thoughts you’re focusing on now.
I speak from experience when I say that entertaining a bunch of thoughts you associate with fear, doubt and lack is the quickest possible way to feel bad.
And acting on them will make everything worse.
If you start acting out fear in your relationships, things will suck.
That’s why the first step after you’re aware of a negative emotion is to allow the emotion.
Emotion is only a signal to the quality of your thought from moment to moment. That’s all.
It is a built in warning system that you are focused on something that you have created as an upset-inducing situation.
Now I don’t mean that you created the upset-inducing situation. I mean that the emotion is about the meaning you have made about it.
The first step is to notice what’s happening.
Your life goes where your mind goes.
If you’re afraid someone is going to leave you, you’re going to act unattractively. You might drive them away.
At the least, you’ll probably both of you crazy until you get the insecurity under control.
Either way, you’re not going to enjoy anything nearly as much when you focus on all of the non-reality thoughts going on in your head at that moment.
If you’re going around living in your head about what is/isn’t happening or how you’re not getting your needs met, guess what you’re going to get more of— thoughts about not getting your needs met.
Whether they are or aren’t actually met in that moment doesn’t matter when you are confused.
Just like when you buy a blue car and suddenly you’re seeing them everywhere.
We can get metaphysical and woo woo about this or not, but it’s a truth— whatever you focus on, you will get more of.
But you’ve got to start noticing that you’re feeling off first. And that is made of thought too.
2. Change that focus
Like I said, if your default habit of thought in a particular area is about lack, you’re going to get more negativity and lack thoughts along those lines.
This is just a habit, though.
It’s not Ultimate Truth (with a capital T) that you’re doomed and everything sucks or whatever it seems like to you right now.
That’s why this is more about getting into the simple habit of entertaining new, different thoughts and not trying to pretzel-twist yourself into thinking your old thoughts differently.
Trying to control your system of thinking while you’re upset will usually just tire you out and sap your energy even further.
However, often we are just reacting, not intending to have a peak or different experience of any kind. Sometimes we don’t stop to consider what we actually might want— given the current situation– and then try to create that.
We have a thought or feeling and just go with that, believing it’s real rather than actually stopping to consider what we want and where we actually want to go.
It’s like going around on autopilot instead of grabbing the wheel. It’s not wrong, it will just get you to wherever you decided to go at the beginning of the trip.
Something happens, we feel hurt and we try to move away from that hurt. Or we do something, and the result doesn’t seem the way we expected, so we fight, fawn or run.
This reactive position might get us temporarily away from whatever happened, but it doesn’t move us closer to intentional creation.
That’s why noticing it’s happening is such a big deal. If you don’t know you’re on autopilot because you’re so lost in thought, it’s going to be impossible to change course until you realize you’re off course.
The sign you’re off course is negative emotion.
Negative emotion is simply the emotional equivalent of putting your hand on a hot stove and jerking it away. That’s what emotion is for. That’s it’s whole purpose. It’s not scary when you realize that’s what it’s for.
Like I said before, if you’re feeling bad and have decided that’s because you are “unfulfilled,” dwelling on the reasons for the condition or “why” this is happening is not an automatic route to happiness.
That’s why knowing why you’re doing something unwanted doesn’t necessarily make you stop doing it. The focus is still all about the problem and completely misses the solution.
This is also why going deep in therapy into the causes of your upset doesn’t automatically fix your life.
It’s focus in a new, creative direction that produces that.
Want to feel warm and happy?
Look toward the most fulfilling thoughts you can manage.
Move toward things you imagine will be rewarding and fulfilling instead of analyzing “causes of un-fulfillment” and simply trying to get away from a negative feeling.
That leads me to the next point. Since wide-sweeping change is usually not a one day process, you’ll have to stick with this.
3. Attach your milestones to your process, not your results
For example, think about going to the gym.
If you want to get fitter or stronger, you can’t simply look at a picture of a fitness model and say, “that!” snap your fingers and have it appear, right?
I mean it would be cool, and I’ve watched a lot of infomercials that make this look totally doable but this hasn’t worked yet.
It’s the same with feeling your thinking differently.
Reward yourself for taking the actions that get you closer to your actual desired creation.
Back to the gym example, if you darken the door of the gym and show up, be excited about showing up. Make the success about SHOWING UP.
If you keep showing up, you add to the chain and build self esteem around what you’re trying to improve.
To get my help with whatever you want to create or solve, check out your coaching options here.
