How to Decide if You Should Break Up With Him

By on December 16, 2013

How to Decide if You Should Break Up With HimAre you wondering if your relationship has hit it’s expiration date? While all relationships ebb and flow, sometimes it’s a little more than that. That doesn’t mean it’s time to cut ties.

Here’s how to decide if you should break up with him.  Ask yourself these questions if you’re on the fence about whether to stay or go.

Do You Share Common Life Goals?

If you’re completely against having children and he’s dying to have a big family, there is a definite time limit on your pairing. It’s unfair to stick around hoping that he’ll have a change of heart on the big stuff in life. If he wants to get married and have children and you simply don’t or vice versa, then it’s time to cut the cord.

Are You Both Okay Just Like You Are?

Is your partner is trying to change you? Does he bristle every time you do something that he just doesn’t like? Do you feel constantly criticized?

Have you noticed that the little things he does drive you up the wall? Have you been twisting him into a pretzel with your needs and requirements? Has he mentioned feeling criticized by you?

Being able to truly be yourself in a relationship is critical. If either one of you feel like you can’t really be yourself in the relationship, it’s not a good sign. If you’re been silently hoping that he’ll change, it’s time to think about your expectations and decide if you’re choking him with them, or vice versa.

Is There Abuse?

Are you facing problems with verbal or physical abuse? Is one of you saying hurtful things a little too often? Abuse is a big, flashing red flag, and an excellent reason to leave a relationship at break neck speed. If you’re experiencing abuse, it’s clearly a deal breaker. If your behavior is abusive, then you MUST leave to work on yourself before you can be with anyone.

Know that the odds are against you if you decide to stay in light of abuse. Research shows that abusers escalate over time, rarely improving their relationships.

Does He Have Deal Breakers?

Clearly abuse is a deal breaker, but there are more deal breakers that are much more individualized. Have you been telling yourself that it’s okay that he does certain things (smoking, drug use, unkindness, etc.) that you either didn’t realize he was a part of or glossed right over when you got together? Have you been hoping that these things might change?

Let’s get real for a moment. Do you want the type of relationship that you have to settle for or the kind that you’re so excited to be a part of that you won’t shut up about it? Overlooking clear deal breakers is a real quick way to resentment and regret.

Is He Someone You Can See a Future With?

When asking yourself if you should stay with someone, think about the future. Is this person someone who you could see yourself growing old with? Was it a summer fling that has just gotten stale? Are you having fun now, but know in the back of your mind that it’s not going to work long term?

Flings are fine as long as they’re making you happy. Once you’re deciding on the bigger picture of your life though, it’s like trying to have a healthy body while living on junk food. Won’t do a ton of damage in the very short term, but long term, it’s easy to look up and wonder where the last three years disappeared to.

Are Your Times Together More Negative Than Positive?

Do you find yourselves arguing more often than not? Does it seem like the relationship is a heavy weight that you have to lift each time you’re together?

This is not a sign of a good long term pairing. However, there is a big difference between occasional failure to communicate and doomed. All couples (I don’t believe anyone who says things are always peaches and cream) go through rough patches where the partners just can’t agree on anything. This doesn’t mean that it’s time to pull the plug.

However, when you feel like your honest attempts at getting along are never good enough, it might be time to rethink things.

Do You Have That Nagging Feeling?

In your gut, you know when a relationship has hit it’s expiration date. If someone is just not compatible with you, then you’re doing both of you a disservice by staying. Sometimes the spark is just gone. It’s hard to quantify “spark” but if it’s gone, you know. This is about the time that people start to complain they feel like roomates

If you’re reading this in the first place think about how you got to this article right now. Are things just tough, or should they be over? Only you can tell for sure if it’s time to hit the road.

Tell me what you think in the comments!

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is an author and founder of Attract The One. Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has been featured on Tiny Buddha, EHarmony Blog, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Fox News Magazine and more. She has authored 3 books, currently available on Amazon.

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