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How to Get Your Ex Back in 9 Critical Steps
Breakups usually involve a mixture of grief, heartbreak and bargaining. If you’ve recently broken up with someone you love very much, it’s understandable that you would begin to think of ways how to get your ex back, thinking that the only way out of the pain is to find out how to get your ex back and get your relationship back on track.
If your relationship has fizzled or you want to win your ex back, all hope is not lost. If you follow some of these simple methods and tools to make him long for you again, you can not only get him back, but get him back more committed than ever before.
If you are hurting and want another chance with your ex… then you need to read this article, then go watch the short video presentation I put together for you at the end…
Here’s how to get your ex back.
1. Make him miss you.
When it comes to getting back with a man, making him miss you is the best surefire way to do so. When he misses you, he longs for you again, and is that much quicker to pick up the phone and start things over. But he can’t miss you if you don’t leave him alone; keep begging him for forgiveness, or text bomb him hoping he will see the error of his ways.
Going strictly no contact is the very first step to getting him back into your life.
2. Stay quiet on social media.
While it may seem like a good idea to share everything about how much fun you’re having on Facebook in an attempt and make him feel like he’s missing out, DON’T. If you have to, delete Facebook and all of the social sites that you shared with your ex. You don’t want to be thrown into jealous mode every time he posts a new picture or an innocuous status update.
You desperately need mental clarity. That knife cuts both ways. He might not be paying attention to your 358 posts about how great things are now, and trying to spy on his profile to find out what he’s up to is dumb. Don’t peek at his profile, don’t stalk him, don’t look at all the girls on his friend’s list to try and determine if he might be dating someone new. Just don’t. Delete your ex at the first opportunity. When you get back together you can re-add each other.
3. Stop focusing on what you have lost.
Focus instead on what you have to gain. When we are wrapped up in grief, one outcome is the only thing we can think of, getting that person back in our life. When we focus on the bigger picture, it’s easier to navigate that grief. This break is a good period, a rebooting time so to speak, and when you both have rebooted, you both will have grown and have so much more to gain when you do come back together.
4. Live your life for you again, not for you as a couple.
In fact, this may be why he broke up with you in the first place. He felt a lot of pressure that he was the only thing in your life making you happy. As nice as that is, it puts responsibility on him that he may not feel ready for. When you create an awesome life for yourself, by yourself, it sends him the message that the pressure of your happiness is not ALL on his shoulders.
5. Agree and Apologize.
As important as it is to stay out of contact, a little note won’t hurt that lets him know you agree with him that a break is a good thing. This is exactly the opposite of what he is expecting from you. Wishing him the best at the end in a formal but mysterious way starts triggering those feelings in him as well. He’s expecting you to act psycho and remind him why you broke up in the first place, when you don’t, it sends a message to him that maybe he shouldn’t have let you go after all.
Keep it brief, do it ONCE and don’t chase it with a whole bunch of other emotional talk. This is a 3-sentence note, saying something like “I’m sorry that things went awry. I agree that a breakup was the right thing for both of us. I hope you’re doing great” No more, no less. Don’t go into long explanations and descriptions. Don’t fault him for anything. Don’t come off bitchy or like “I’m so GREAT WITHOUT YOU”. This looks phony and he’ll see right through it. Just be light and cordial. Then go completely no contact. Fall off the face of the Earth as far as he’s concerned.
6. Don’t be “friends.”
Trying to “be friends” with a recent ex is a recipe for disaster. Calling him to “check in” and “get coffee” like you would with a girlfriend is frankly, a terrible idea. You must give him SPACE. If you’re watching his dog while he’s out of town and hearing about his dating experiences, you’ll overwhelm him and make him feel trapped.
It’s critical for him to want to choose to talk to you on his own. If you’re doing friend stuff with him trying to make sure that he doesn’t forget about you, this won’t happen. Let go of the fear that he’ll suddenly forget about you. If you do this right, he’ll want to talk to you on his own.
7. Get yourself back in the just met him mindset.
Many women trying to get their ex back make the mistake of starting at the point of the breakup and bargaining with him based on the fact that you’re separated from him and want to get him back. They try to negotiate and bargain with him, attempting to erase the reasons why he left. This is the worst thing to do because this just reminds him of the pain and the reasons why it didn’t work in the first place. When you do begin talking again, start fresh, like you are dating him for the first time again. Remember to stay mysterious, look hot, and that it is more important now than ever to impress him into wanting you back in his life.
8. Fix what is broken.
Sometimes women are lucky enough to get a clear reason that he decided to breakup. If that is the case, and the reason was something that you have direct control over, fixing it will send the message to him that you are really serious about keeping him in your life.
Sometimes these things can’t be fixed, like distance, or jobs, or even infidelity. What you can do in these situations is show him subtly that you are going on with fabulous things in your life that can be achieved even with barriers like this in place.
9. Use the past to your advantage.
After you have successfully gone through a no contact period, you have already made him miss you. The next step then is to remind him with a little tease of history the two of you have, about how wonderful being with you was. You must be light, light, light in all of your interactions. No crying, no emotional re-hash. No “WHY!!” when you see him. Do everything it takes to be cool. This enhances the element of making him miss you, even more than he does already.
How to Get Your Ex Back – The Bottom Line
Getting your ex back is a long road, and one you must only carefully tread down. Before you go down the road, think hard about what you want from your relationships in general.
If someone could let you go in the first place, think about why you want him back in your life. Before you try to win your ex back, figure out if they’re a prize worth winning.
Was your breakup due to incompatibility or just bad timing? If you’re incompatible, your time and effort could be very well spent somewhere else.
Use the no contact period to get mental clarity on whether you really want your ex back. Explore other options (cough) men. Get yourself out there and date. See if he’s really the prize that you think he is right now.
Dating someone again who you’ve already dated is both easier and more difficult because you already have both negative and positive history, affection, and chemistry to draw on. You know what your ex likes and what he doesn’t, and why you broke up. Use those elements to make him miss you, as this is the biggest tool you have in the toolbox to getting your ex back and more committed than ever.
To get my complete formula for how to get him back, check out my video presentation right now before it gets taken down.
This presentation explains 3 mistakes to avoid if you want any chance of getting back together. It’s super embarrassing for me (since I share my soft little underbelly), but I want to help you, so go watch it right now.