How to Get Your Ex Back in 9 Critical Steps


How To Get Your Ex Back In 9 Critical Steps

Breakups usually involve a mixture of grief, heartbreak and bargaining. If you’ve recently broken up with someone you love very much, it’s understandable that you would begin to think of ways how to get your ex back, thinking that the only way out of the pain is to find out how to get your ex back and get your relationship back on track.

If your relationship has fizzled or you want to win your ex back, all hope is not lost. If you follow some of these simple methods and tools to make him long for you again, you can not only get him back, but get him back more committed than ever before.

If you are hurting and want another chance with your ex… then you need to read this article, then go watch the short video presentation I put together for you at the end…

Here’s how to get your ex back.

1. Make him miss you.

When it comes to getting back with a man, making him miss you is the best surefire way to do so. When he misses you, he longs for you again, and is that much quicker to pick up the phone and start things over. But he can’t miss you if you don’t leave him alone; keep begging him for forgiveness, or text bomb him hoping he will see the error of his ways.

Going strictly no contact is the very first step to getting him back into your life.

2. Stay quiet on social media.

While it may seem like a good idea to share everything about how much fun you’re having on Facebook in an attempt and make him feel like he’s missing out, DON’T. If you have to, delete Facebook and all of the social sites that you shared with your ex. You don’t want to be thrown into jealous mode every time he posts a new picture or an innocuous status update.

You desperately need mental clarity. That knife cuts both ways. He might not be paying attention to your 358 posts about how great things are now, and trying to spy on his profile to find out what he’s up to is dumb. Don’t peek at his profile, don’t stalk him, don’t look at all the girls on his friend’s list to try and determine if he might be dating someone new. Just don’t. Delete your ex at the first opportunity. When you get back together you can re-add each other.

3. Stop focusing on what you have lost.

Focus instead on what you have to gain. When we are wrapped up in grief, one outcome is the only thing we can think of, getting that person back in our life. When we focus on the bigger picture, it’s easier to navigate that grief. This break is a good period, a rebooting time so to speak, and when you both have rebooted, you both will have grown and have so much more to gain when you do come back together.

4. Live your life for you again, not for you as a couple.

In fact, this may be why he broke up with you in the first place. He felt a lot of pressure that he was the only thing in your life making you happy. As nice as that is, it puts responsibility on him that he may not feel ready for. When you create an awesome life for yourself, by yourself, it sends him the message that the pressure of your happiness is not ALL on his shoulders.

5. Agree and Apologize.

As important as it is to stay out of contact, a little note won’t hurt that lets him know you agree with him that a break is a good thing. This is exactly the opposite of what he is expecting from you. Wishing him the best at the end in a formal but mysterious way starts triggering those feelings in him as well. He’s expecting you to act psycho and remind him why you broke up in the first place, when you don’t, it sends a message to him that maybe he shouldn’t have let you go after all.

Keep it brief, do it ONCE and don’t chase it with a whole bunch of other emotional talk. This is a 3-sentence note, saying something like “I’m sorry that things went awry. I agree that a breakup was the right thing for both of us. I hope you’re doing great” No more, no less. Don’t go into long explanations and descriptions. Don’t fault him for anything. Don’t come off bitchy or like “I’m so GREAT WITHOUT YOU”. This looks phony and he’ll see right through it. Just be light and cordial. Then go completely no contact. Fall off the face of the Earth as far as he’s concerned.

6. Don’t be “friends.”

Trying to “be friends” with a recent ex is a recipe for disaster. Calling him to “check in” and “get coffee” like you would with a girlfriend is frankly, a terrible idea. You must give him SPACE. If you’re watching his dog while he’s out of town and hearing about his dating experiences, you’ll overwhelm him and make him feel trapped.

It’s critical for him to want to choose to talk to you on his own. If you’re doing friend stuff with him trying to make sure that he doesn’t forget about you, this won’t happen. Let go of the fear that he’ll suddenly forget about you. If you do this right, he’ll want to talk to you on his own.

7. Get yourself back in the just met him mindset.

Many women trying to get their ex back make the mistake of starting at the point of the breakup and bargaining with him based on the fact that you’re separated from him and want to get him back. They try to negotiate and bargain with him, attempting to erase the reasons why he left. This is the worst thing to do because this just reminds him of the pain and the reasons why it didn’t work in the first place. When you do begin talking again, start fresh, like you are dating him for the first time again. Remember to stay mysterious, look hot, and that it is more important now than ever to impress him into wanting you back in his life.

8. Fix what is broken.

Sometimes women are lucky enough to get a clear reason that he decided to breakup. If that is the case, and the reason was something that you have direct control over, fixing it will send the message to him that you are really serious about keeping him in your life.

Sometimes these things can’t be fixed, like distance, or jobs, or even infidelity. What you can do in these situations is show him subtly that you are going on with fabulous things in your life that can be achieved even with barriers like this in place.

9. Use the past to your advantage.

After you have successfully gone through a no contact period, you have already made him miss you. The next step then is to remind him with a little tease of history the two of you have, about how wonderful being with you was. You must be light, light, light in all of your interactions. No crying, no emotional re-hash. No “WHY!!” when you see him. Do everything it takes to be cool. This enhances the element of making him miss you, even more than he does already.

How to Get Your Ex Back – The Bottom Line

Getting your ex back is a long road, and one you must only carefully tread down. Before you go down the road, think hard about what you want from your relationships in general.

If someone could let you go in the first place, think about why you want him back in your life. Before you try to win your ex back, figure out if they’re a prize worth winning.

Was your breakup due to incompatibility or just bad timing? If you’re incompatible, your time and effort could be very well spent somewhere else.

Use the no contact period to get mental clarity on whether you really want your ex back. Explore other options (cough) men. Get yourself out there and date. See if he’s really the prize that you think he is right now.

Dating someone again who you’ve already dated is both easier and more difficult because you already have both negative and positive history, affection, and chemistry to draw on. You know what your ex likes and what he doesn’t, and why you broke up. Use those elements to make him miss you, as this is the biggest tool you have in the toolbox to getting your ex back and more committed than ever.

To get my complete formula for how to get him back, check out my video presentation right now before it gets taken down.

This presentation explains 3 mistakes to avoid if you want any chance of getting back together. It’s super embarrassing for me (since I share my soft little underbelly), but I want to help you, so go watch it right now.

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is an author and founder of Attract The One.

Her popular program Ex Attraction Formula, has helped hundreds of women reunite with their men. She is thrilled to have helped so many people reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has been featured on Tiny Buddha, EHarmony Blog, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Fox News Magazine and more.


  1. JR

    November 9, 2014 at 11:46 am

    How do you fix what’s broken if you don’t know what it is? Seriously, if a man tells you that he wants to be alone 2 months after he practically moved mountains to get you, told you that he’s doing what he needs to do to keep you, how do you reconcile that?

    • Attract The One

      Elizabeth Stone

      November 11, 2014 at 10:06 am

      Hi JR, thanks for your comment.

      That is downright frustrating indeed. I think the only thing you can do is work on yourself, make yourself happy– especially if you’re facing a situation where he’s disappeared completely. Sometimes men do what you described because the chase is over… which stings.

  2. Ginevive

    January 4, 2015 at 1:47 am

    How long tje no contact afyer 4 weeks of toxic stalking…/

  3. Ginevive

    January 4, 2015 at 1:48 am

    Sorry for typos. I meant: How long should the no contact period given that after break up there were 4 months of toxic crazy stalking and he is now with someone else…?

    • Attract The One

      Elizabeth Stone

      January 4, 2015 at 9:41 am

      I’d give him at least 60 days, more like 90. It’s really important that you pull your focus back on you instead of him.

  4. anniemeg

    January 6, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    We broke up because of distance… I’m in no contact right now but how do I proceed from there?

    • Attract The One

      Elizabeth Stone

      January 6, 2015 at 6:36 pm

      Continue with no contact until you feel like it’s time to reach back out (usually over 60 days) then call him like you would anyway during the reconnection phase.

  5. SA

    January 10, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    My ex is younger than me by 10 years. We were together about 20 months. We fell deeply in love and until yesterday, had been living together for a year in what I thought for the most part,absolute bliss. Last week he said he was feeling like he was missing out on ‘something’ perhaps due to his age, but I couldn’t say for sure. Anyway, after spending a couple of nights at his parents and a couple here (I couldn’t leave him alone I know it was stupid but I was so shell shocked). Two nights ago I said to him that if he isn’t sure then he needs to leave. The next morning after a very emotional parting (on both sides, he was almost beside himself), I left out house and said I’d be home at 5pm and I expect all of his stuff to be moved and him gone by the time I got back. I came home and he’d done so, but leaving a momento deliberately behind. I have deactivated my facebook account (I don’t want to know what he’s up to) and cut all ties with him. I’m close with his family and they’re devestated by all this. I have a couple of mail deliveries going to his parents house which his sister in law is dropping off to me so I don’t have to go back there and risk seeing him. At this point I want nothing more than to have him home but I really would appreciate some advice. What do you think my chances are on him coming back to me eventually? He’s a good man who hated himself for hurting me.

    • Attract The One

      Elizabeth Stone

      January 11, 2015 at 10:40 am

      Since this all happened within the last 72 hours, here are my thoughts:

      You asked him to leave– then told him to be moved out by the time you got back the next day. If you want him to come home, this seems incongruent with your intended result. Your words say one thing, but your actions say another. It’s as though when he didn’t give you the right answer (when he felt like he was missing something), then you made the decision for him.

      It’s hard to say what the chances are that he’ll come back. You’ve got some serious work to do.

    • Kristina

      November 2, 2016 at 12:44 pm

      I am curious to know..did he come back? I am in a similar situation, told him to get out and he did, I am now having regrets and miss him terribly. Texted him to tell him I didn’t mean it but not gettinf anywhere with him its been a week today

  6. Lucky

    January 19, 2015 at 9:49 am

    Hi,I’ve been seeing a guy for six months who hasn’t been in a relationship in 10 years.He’s very nonchalant and doesn’t open up much.We had a spat this weekend and he said he wasn’t coming back to my house,I was too much for him.I’ve never seen him look like that.I told him I was sorry for my insecurity issues and nagging.He eventually said he wasn’t mad,but I kept asking him anyway.Although I do have insecurity issues,I believe the good outweighs the bad.This isn’t our first disagreement,but the first serious one where he’s said he wasn’t coming back to my house and that I was too much for him… you think he’ll come back and what do I do?

    • Attract The One

      Elizabeth Stone

      January 19, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      It sounds like it’s time to pull back and see what happens.

  7. Skye

    January 30, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    Hi Elizabeth,
    I am enjoying all of the articles and your helpful advice to others. I was in a very wonderful , perfect 3.5 month relationship. He said he loved me and he spoke often about our ‘forever’ future together. We had planned to move in together within 6 months. I was careful to not put pressure on him for any of this- all his ideas BTW. I was not needy. He is 55yrs old and I am 45. We both have on camera careers. We went through the holidays and both of our birthdays. He was the most amazing to me in every way. Suddenly after a 3 day weekend together he breaks up with me the following day over the phone. He says he has lost the love and has no chemistry with me and has been trying for weeks to understand it because he wanted us to work so badly and that he was so in love with me. He said he can’t make any future plans with me as it is not going to work out. After I asked if it was anything he could site as a reason he said he may have a;type; of look that he likes and its not mine. I am blonde. I have gained 15 lbs and I believe this is the reason and he did not want to tell me. To him it showed a lack of restraint and this was of concern to him. It turned him off and he lost the chemistry. He texted me the day after we broke up saying ‘ I am great and it was his loss- and he would send my stuff back’ My reply was a text saying’ I realize we were not meant to be- I wish you the very best.’ (it was longer than this) – he texted me back saying ‘well said , i feel the same.’ I did not respond to that text. He mailed my stuff back with no note. It seems he is over me and has been for a while. During the break up phone call he said he was pondering a break up for 1 month. He hid those thoughts very well!
    We have never had a fight and were very close. He said he had never felt closer to anyone in his life than he did with me. I am back at the gym and already lost 5 of those 15lbs. How do I tell him I now realize I played a big part in his decision to break up with me, and that I am back in the gym and getting my sh*t together? I have been applying the no contact rule but its only been 1 week and I really want him to know that I’m getting myself back fast! What are your thoughts? Is he gone forever? Thank you so much.

  8. K

    March 12, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    I find your articles spot on! But I have a hard situation. My boyfriend of 6 months decided to quit his job and leave to his home country to sell a house he has there so he can better himself financially here. He did have some financial issues and was stressed a lot. While we did not see eye to eye on some things – mostly the cultural differences – we got along very well and always worked through the arguments. The physical chemistry was great too. The problem is – he left me saying he would be back in abt 30 days. I have not heard a peep from him in 38 days and his prepaid phone has been cut off. How in the world would it ever be possible to get him back? It is like he vanished into thin air. The last words he said to me is I love you a lot and will miss you. Vanishing was not something I would have expected from him. I am devastated but would be open to speaking with him again if I knew how to reach him. Thanks.

    • Attract The One

      Elizabeth Stone

      March 12, 2015 at 2:06 pm

      Thanks for your kind words K.

      What a difficult situation to be going through. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that.

      The best thing to do is to pull your focus back onto yourself, as difficult as that may sound. It hasn’t been a super long time, but I agree that being in limbo like you are is the worst. He may come back with an explanation or he may not, but it’s a bit too soon to do anything drastic.

      Sending you love at this tough time!

  9. Erin

    May 13, 2015 at 10:55 pm

    Hi Elizabeth,
    I have been casually dating a friend of mine for 6 months. For the most part it has been a positive experience and I have begun to develop feelings for him. He has stated that he is not ready for a relationship despite the fact we see each other with increasing frequency. I’ve made the choice to ends things between us rather than continue falling for a man who has no intention of being mine. I didn’t ask him why he won’t commit nor did I ask him to change his mind, I just told him I can do better than spending my time with a man who doesn’t want to be with me. We have agreed to remain friends but I will be giving him a wide berth for a month or two so that the heat can die down from it and I can heal. I’m trying to remain as mature and cool headed about it while maintaining my own integrity, I am responsible for my own emotions and refuse to play victim or go begging to him. If I’m being honest I’d say I hope with a bit of space that he reconsiders his position on this and puts forth the effort to keep me, however I won’t be losing sleep over it if he doesn’t. Life is too short to be waiting around for someone to fall in love with me. I really enjoyed reading your post and would appreciate any further suggestions for me that you might have. Thanks 🙂

  10. Chloe

    July 8, 2015 at 8:21 am

    My ex bf broke up almost 4 months ago after 3 years and the first month involved him initiating contact to see how I am and what im up to but he’s not okay, depressed which I think was the cause of the break up because he’d lose his temper and assume it was because we didn’t work and not so much his depression. Ever since I’ve been there to help and support hoping he’d get some help but he won’t and only tells me. I want him back and im happy to work on this but he’s adamant we fought too much.

    In my defense I was sick all of last yr and I wanted more of him when he couldn’t give it with his situation. I only kept in touch because I didn’t want him to feel more alone and not have anyone to talk to but I’ve come to the point where he won’t do anything about it so leaving him to hopefully realise. He has no one around him in relationships or any female influences to say girls and drama is normal and im his first serious gf.
    I told him we shouldn’t speak and he was upset but will respect my decision. Will he let go of the fights and Realise if he loves me as much as he says and thinks I’m amazing, fights can be fixed?
    I have bad days sometimes and just don’t want such a good relationship to end because of depression or petty fights!

    Hoping to go 2 months at least with no contact..
    Please help

  11. Missy

    August 20, 2015 at 10:54 am

    Okay, quick version of the story–met a guy 6 months ago who was in the process of divorce. He wasn’t interested in a relationship, very transparent about that, but wanted to keep seeing me. We had frequent “pulse checks” on where we are, still dated others, but kept agreeing to keep going forward slowly. I fell hard, and started bristling at him seeing others, but we talked through things. Our last date was a whole long weekend (2 weeks ago), which was amazing, says him, but very “intense” and he pulled back. I said okay, let’s not talk for a few days (we talk or text more or less all day every day). Monday, he wants to talk, tells me he is conflicted, needs to see his therapist to work through whether he wants monogamy or not. By the end of this horrible, civilized but tearful (on both sides) call, we are done–“our dating relationship is over”, his gut tells him this. I am heartbroken, and send him an email thanking him for honesty and wishing him love and joy. He texts me later that he wants to write to me his thoughts. I end up going to his house because I didn’t think we needed to do that over the phone. Many tears and hugs later, I leave with us wanting to be in each others’ lives somehow. Now what? I want him back. We have had the most fun, connected, joyful and loving 6 months of my life and we are both in our 40’s. I know he was open about the relationship thing, so part of me always saw this coming, but I am still reeling because our connection was so strong and our last date was so amazing. I am trying no contact, but I did slip this morning and send him a funny inside-joke message and we have had a pleasant text exchange. I know I need to stop that, firstly, but then what? Thanks.

    • Missy

      August 21, 2015 at 9:30 am

      Okay, we were emailing about a work issue and I ended the email with your suggested “Sorry things went awry…” with a little bit of my words added in–just an inside joke we were talking about yesterday, nothing sappy or demanding or anything. I know I have to trust the feelings are there and he will come around–he even mentioned my being “in demand” personally in this work email, AND mentioned something I had posted on FB late last night, so I know he has been “stalking” me, and I think those are positives. Just need to calm my nerves enough to let him come around. Sending lots of positive energy into the universe right now!!

      • Elizabeth Stone

        August 26, 2015 at 12:28 pm

        Hi Missy,

        I hope it’s going better with you and this guy. I know it’s been a few days, so if you’re still going through this, the best way is to keep it super light. Let him reach out to you. Let him make the moves, but be responsive when he does. From your message, it doesn’t sound like you’re all the way broken up, so perhaps keep it light and take a wait and see approach while focusing on yourself. Date. Re-ignite any interests you’ve been neglecting.

        Sending you love!


        • Missy

          August 27, 2015 at 8:49 am

          Thank you! I got a little heavy over the weekend, but he responded and we have been keeping it light since. We are totally broken up, and I agreed that is where we should be for now, I asked him to not close the doors totally on us, but not to answer that right now. He didn’t, but sent another email just keeping the conversation going and making it very clear that he is truly stalking my facebook page every day. Fine by me, I post a lot and have been posting the fun things I have been doing, like the concert I went to with one of my girlfriends last night. I have also had a couple dates and I have 2 more lined up. He knows this, too, just as I know he has dates, too. I am confident that we are meant to be together, though, the Universe just doesn’t drop something that amazing in your lap to take it away so quickly! And the last few days I have been seeing signs that he agrees. Keep sending the love my way, thank you!

  12. Tina

    September 10, 2015 at 11:57 am

    After 15yrs together, 13 yrs married. My husband walked out, went to work one day didn’t come back home. He out of the blue told me approx 6 mos ago that he didn’t feel appreciated, lacked affection from me,therefore he wasn’t IN LOVE with me anymore. I begged him to stay and changed my ways. After a few mos he started saying I was suffocating him, I was trying to hard and pushing him away. I love this man with all my heart and want him back. He’s only been gone a week, there’s alot of his things still here. He says he’ll get it later. He’s living with friends right now. Because of some repair issues to the house it’s only been about 48hrs of no contact. Any advice on what else I can do to win him back? I’m reading all kinds of info on how to get your ex back. Some are saying go out have fun, make sure he knows it, others are saying don’t rub it in his face. Could you break it down for a relationship that’s lasted this long please? Thank you

  13. Lara

    December 4, 2015 at 4:18 am

    After 8 months distance relationship, as he was living in Another city, My boyfriend decided To leave me because as We were seeing Each other like every two weeks during the weekends he said We were arguing a lot about small Things . And he coudnt handle It . That is not true , Those Things he considered small were important for me , but the point is that . This just happened last weekend , And i was really sad And depress since Then , but I made a really big efforce not To contact him , I desactivated My Facebook and he didnt text me anything yet . It has been just 4 days . he is introvert person And I am scare he interpret My silence as a Sign i gave up And I dont care . I dont think he Will text me as he has This personality. How long should i wait To text him From Now ? If he text me Something during the weekend , should I answer ? I Miss him a lot , And i am really sad , i want him To understand that leaving me was a mistake but i dont want him To think i dont care What happened. Please I need an advice .


  14. Kristin

    February 26, 2016 at 5:22 am

    I was dating an introverted guy for a few months and we broke up a month ago because I had a lot of bad going on and became very insecure and couldn’t believe someone so good could like me so I questioned it and told him words I thought i needed to hear him say. After soul searching, meditation and therapy I’ve turned a corner. I realize us being together pushed me to think of liking myself and breaking up galvanized me into loving myself and working on some other issues. A few weeks ago I still desperately wanted him back but also to know this. I sent him a fb message saying thanks and how I was doing well. He read it but didn’t respond. This weekend we are supposed to both be at same play. Now I still would like to start something new with him but at the very least I want closure and him to know the way my life has improved since he was there for me through the bad. I have gotten past daddy issues, gotten a new job, look in mirror and like who and what I see and have been a happier more confident person. I’m just nervous about seeing him. Any suggestions

    • Elizabeth Stone

      February 26, 2016 at 1:14 pm

      Just act like nothing happened. He already knows that you want him back, from your Facebook message which he ignored.

      “Closure” is an excuse to go down the road of needing something from him. You don’t need anything from him, you’ve been doing a great job working on yourself. The universe gives us situations we need to make us into something better. If your new and improved energy is attractive to him, you’ll know– but it won’t be because you’re doing a performance for him, it’ll be because he realizes he wants you in his life. And, wouldn’t that better than feeling like you talked him into it? So go, be polite and focus on yourself. You don’t need anything else from this man. *hugs*

  15. Shanaya

    May 1, 2016 at 7:51 am

    Me and my bf were together for 1yr 10 months and it was a serious relationship cz our future was decided together..but 3 months ago we broke up with each other..
    We got committed in school life and was together in school for one yr..alot happened in that yr..we used to meet everyday and was close together..he was my first serious bf,first kiss,a person who gave a smile on my face,my best frnd,actually my everything..but in starting of relation i made him jealous by flirting with a guy on fb..but i told him everything clearly..and he was jealous of some guy in my class and he created a misunderstanding in his mind that i too still like him..but all these things didnt affect in school life and he used to love me alot..he used to treat me like his 1 priority..used to take care of me everysec..
    As the school ended we have different career options..and he live 15 mins away from my house..but one day he told me he cant live with me cz he cant trust me cz of wht i did on fb nd that misunderstanding about that guy..we seprated for 7 days..but i git him back as i told him im all urs so pls dont be afraid..i even told my family about him cz i seriously love him alot.. After that breakup of 7 days we became so much close to each other..i was a bit physical with him too..and all i with him cz i trusted him alot..i joined my college and day by day he became insecure and told me i cant trust u cz of what u did with me in school..i everytime told him pls trust me im all urs cz i love u alot..we used to meet each other very less but whenever we meet each other it was best memories for me..
    In dec we starting to fight alot cz he think im in diff college and will cheat on him with another boy..but this was not the truth the truth was that i love him and didnt c any boy other than frm dec 2015 we used to fight alot cz he always told me that u dont love but i always told him that i only love him nd also i was not on fb or whatsapp cz he was insecure..
    One day on feb 1 2016 i was alot frustated cz of our fighting with each other every day and i told him lets break up..we broke up and when i realised wht i did was wring i called him and told him to meet me..we meet each other the next day..and we dicussed everything but he didnt listened to me at all and he told me that he dont love me anymore so he broke up with me..but i cant live without i called him everyday and starting begging him we meet 3 times in in those 2 months and our last meet was awsome..we were happy and enjoying..but the fear of loosing him made me beg him alot..then one day i called him nd he told me that he is committed to some other girl..and the girl whom he got committed to was the one in our class and was behind my bf frm starting so i dont like that girl at all..and alot jealous of her..abd when he told me that i was broken completely..but i used to blindly trust my bf so i called that girl and she also told me yes its true..i was literally friends called my ex nd told him that he was wrong..and i was so much angry that i abused him..
    One day i called him and was crying badly in front of him pls dont leave me..and when i got to knw abt his new gf bcz of my angerness i snd her a msg on fb told her that what she did was that day when i was begging him to come back he abused me for that girl cz of that msg and we bith abused each other..after few days he blocked me from whatsapp and this blocking me is from last one month..he didnt unblocked me and he dont use any social site like fb also..
    Few days later i contacted his brother on fb and he told that me girl and my ex r not together he was just making u jealous..
    After few days on our 2 anniversary i called him and msged him too but he didnt picked up my call..nor even rply my msg..after that i was in contact with his brother only but not day like 15 days before i called him and he told me that u abused my mom so dont call me ever..and his brother too msged me that now he is with that girl..i was broken again and till date i havent contacted him..
    And in new 2-3 months he is shifting to other city for his higher studies..
    Im alot scared that will he ever contact me or he will just forget me and move on with that girl..and they live in long distance..and how much ik he is in rebound relation with its not even been a month and he got committed with her and we both were serious for each other in those 2 yrs..but im alot scared about loosing him.. I seriously live him alot..and i knw i have ruined everything in those month cz i was scared of loosing him.. And he will never try to contact me even if im on my nc..i really want him back.. Pls dont say thats its not possible to take him back..i really need ur help how can i get him back cz i miss him alot and scared of loosing him..pls help me..
    Idk if that girl is his gf ir he is just making me jealous i really dont i think he is just making me jealous..but im scared cz time is i have a chance??

  16. Shayla

    October 1, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    He told me we needed to take a break after my ex husband had looked through my phone and got his number out of it and begin to text him. After that I tried so hard to leave him alone but I wanted closure so I kept trying to talk to him until he told me to leave him alone. So I left him alone for several days and was just trying so hard to move on. Well, we work together and I opened my big mouth and told one of my friends about what had happened and she thought it would be a good idea to try and talk to him about it. That only made him upset more, I never asked her to speak to him or go look for him. I didn’t want anybody to interfere, I was just venting. Well I had texted him and he just said he wanted to be left alone for awhile. I’m just curious will the no contact still work? Will giving him the space he asked for help? I really love him and just want to be with him. He is the most amazing man I’ve ever met. Please I need serious answers

    • Elizabeth Stone

      October 3, 2016 at 9:40 pm

      Hi Shayla,

      No contact is about your only hope at this point, but you have to use the time to regain your emotional center. Wishing you the absolute best of luck with your ex husband.


  17. Matt

    October 3, 2016 at 4:53 am

    Will this work on a girl? I was dating a girl from 4.5 years and this past year I began working 2 jobs and going to school and she felt I wasnt giving her enough attention. Shes been going put and finding superficial attention at bars and I don’t understand how to get her back, we were perfect, I just got busy with work.

    • Elizabeth Stone

      October 3, 2016 at 9:41 pm

      Hi Matt,

      Yes, this works on both men and women.

      All the best,


  18. Jen

    October 7, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    I am a 46 year old woman with a 9 year old daughter. Four and a half years ago, I started dating a man who is 13 years younger than me. I wasn’t looking for a younger guy at all. He was the son of a woman I was really good friends with, and over the 3.5 years we dated, we fell in love.
    Our relationship wasn’t always easy. I hadn’t had a serious boyfriend in 10 years, and the age difference scared me. I always felt it would end because of the difference and knowing that eventually he would probably want children (I was 42 when we met). He assured me he didn’t want children, but I think I pushed him away often because of this fear. He always came back and was so loving and good to me. My daughter also fell in love with him and thought of him as her dad. I feel now that I took him for granted.

    I believe we came together because we were both broken in many ways. We always had fun together, but it often turned into nights of drinking too much, and then terrible fights. We both would end up apologizing, but it continued. Within the first year and a half, one of his best friends took his life, and my ex-boyfriend (who I was still friends with) tragically passed away. We both turned to alcohol to try to heal the hurt and pain. At the same time he also decided after watching all his friends getting married that he might want children someday, and after a night of drinking and driving in which he almost crashed his car, he sat himself down and decided that he needed to change. He thought I did too, and that we needed to do this separately, and not as a couple. He realized his life was not going the way he wanted, that he had made too many mistakes in his life that he wanted to fix. He said he wasn’t happy and wanted to make himself happy before it was too late. We broke up and we both were devastated. I knew I had to make some changes too, but the separation killed me.

    Over the next 6 months, he continued to call me twice a day, and we were still intimate. It almost felt like we were still in a relationship. I always felt uneasy, but was so afraid to not have him in my life. He also was struggling, often crying because he didn’t know what he was doing or wanted or how to even change his life. We held onto eachother out of fear, I believe. We both loved eachother very much, but knew that things had to change. Out of my own fear, I didn’t give him space, and questioned our break up all the time. I felt he was rejecting ME when he was saying that he just wanted to get his life together. He also said he didn’t know how to break the ties with me either.

    The last four months were hell. He was slowly detaching from me, trying to live his own life and heal himself, and I couldn’t let go. I kept asking how he could let me go if he loved me so much, and he said he was willing to if it meant we would both become happy and better people. Deep down, I knew this was true, but I was scared. I would constantly try to get him to react to things I said, along with threats that I was leaving and never coming back. He was always there to answer my calls and be there for my daughter, but he became angered by the same conversation over and over again. This continued for a few months, but he would still sleep with me. He would tell me he didn’t know what was going to happen, but no matter what, he would always love me and my daughter.

    Slowly, he pulled away. Times where he could have been spending with me and my daughter , he was out with his friends and was drinking. Even though we weren’t officially dating, I was hurt and would accuse him of wanting to be with anyone but me. I felt his explanation of why he wanted to break up was bogus, since if he really wanted to “fix” himself, why was he still out drinking with his friends?

    The final fight was two weeks ago. He had been desperately trying to avoid me the last few weeks because he felt all I ever wanted to talk about was “us” and he had already explained there could be no “us” if we both didn’t change. I felt confused all the time since we had slept together and he periodically would tell me he loved me and missed me. A lot of awful things were said on both our parts during that fight. He was out that day, and I asked him if he was with another girl. After swearing and becoming increasingly angry that I was still trying to talk to him about us, he addmitted that he was with a girl. He wouldn’t pick up the phone and when I asked him to speak to me, he told me that it was over, that there was nothing else to talk about and that I should “let it go”. I asked him about this girl, what had happened between them, and he said that nothing did, they were just talking. I felt like I deserved an explanation, as he had told me he wasn’t dating and didn’t plan on it for awhile until he got his life together. I had a panic attack, but he wouldn’t answer the phone and we fought over text the rest of the night, both of us saying horrible things to eachother. I tried desperately to reach him up until 1:15 in the morning, but he wouldn’t answer the phone.

    We haven’t talked since. I woke up the next day, dejected and devastated . I vowed I woudn’t call him and I haven’t. That was two weeks ago. I sit here wondering if he has started dating someone, if he missed me at all and I feel guilty for feeling as if I pushed him to the point where he is gone for good. I also have anger as I feel very deceived and used over the last year. My daughter also feels a sense of loss, as she lost a friend too.

    I don’t know what to do. I go back and forth in my head, thinking he misses me so much and doesn’t want to call because he needs space, but then I feel that he has really moved on, and that is why he hasn’t called. The unknown is killing me. I know there is still the issue of his maybe wanting kids someday, and I don’t want to sit here having hope for something that will never happen. I feel anxious all the time and as if this feeling of loss will never end.

    Since this happened, I have done some soul searching. I stopped drinking, and plan to continue on this path because I do want to become a better person for both me and my daughter.

    Do you have any advice for me? Is there any hope that we can get back together eventually? Or has he moved on? Is this just an example of bad timing? My stomach has been in knots for over a week, and I can’t eat and sleep. Please help!

  19. Devon Birsky

    November 5, 2016 at 3:31 pm

    My ex bf broke up with me almost 3 months ago, after that I did the no no of begging. We did fwb for over a month and I apparently made him feel smothered. He now has told me we can keep in touch but he can’t hang out even as friends because he is trying to get sober and he says for his sanity. He told me he isn’t counting out anything in the future but doesn’t see it happening. When he broke up with me he said he just wasn’t ready and didn’t want to be in a relationship. We had been living together for about 9 months, were off and on for a year before that. He didn’t drink for 7 of the 9 months we lived together but began drinking again and everything changed. He got distant, started going out to the bar all the time with his friends. And he hated that I was miserable because of it. He complained that I was needy because I wanted to spend more time with him, we had separate schedules and I only really saw him on the weekend. But he just told me I was too needy. I don’t know what to do. I am on my 7th day of no contact and he hasn’t tried to contact me. I am working on myself but I still think of him all the time. I want him back but am afraid I pushed him too far away.

  20. Fa

    November 16, 2016 at 7:11 am

    He left me because he said there is no trust about us , he can’t trust me anymore because he discovered that I was liar in an issue, but at the same time he return to be in contact with her ex-girlfriend
    I knew that she left him, and there is a problem between them
    We got divorced 60 days ago
    Is there is a chance to get him again. In this period he blocked me in everything and don’t contact me for any reason

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