“He Ghosted Me”: What To Do When He Disappears

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He Pulled a HoudiniSo what do you do when a guy who seemed thrilled to be with you pulls a Houdini?

A Houdini, for the uninitiated, is when someone you’re dating just completely disappears without warning. They just never respond to any communication from you ever again. This is also called “ghosting.” It’s a mean, mean thing to do to someone.

This story, or a variation of it is super common and has happened to me more times than I’m excited to admit.

Have you ever experienced this? It’s one of the most frustrating and confusing things that can happen while you’re dating (or even in a relationship for that matter). While you can’t control why the other person has departed, you can control your reaction.

Here’s what to do when someone you were dating disappears into thin air.

1. Let it go.

It might have been the most amazing, thrilling wonderful time you’ve ever had. You might have gotten your hopes up big time. You might have been hoping there might be a future. Trust me, I completely understand. I’ve done it too.

No matter. Someone who clearly doesn’t care enough about your feelings to honor you with sharing his pending departure isn’t worth any more of your time. The reason’s don’t matter.

2. Do not text bomb.

If he’s dead, he can’t respond to your messages anyway. If you are being ghosted, you have probably already called or texted once or twice just thinking that things were normal. When he doesn’t respond at all. Leave it at that. Once or twice makes sense, and puts the ball into his court. If he doesn’t respond to you… ever, you have your answer.

3. Have a no repeat policy.

Since you’ve moved on and are no longer even wondering what happened, wishing and hoping that he’ll return, even if he does pop up in say, two months, vow never to waste your time. Your time is way, WAY too valuable to let him parachute back into your life randomly.

This has also happened to me, and it STILL makes me shake my head wondering WTF. It’s best not to get caught up in the reasons, it will make your head pop off.

4. Don’t let this be a reason to give up on love.

The best way to handle completely hurtful disappearances is not to give up on love, dig a hole and go lie in it. Do not decide that dating is over for you and vow never to try again. I’ve personally felt like giving up after one too many guys thought that the right thing to do was never call again. It sucks. I know how you feel.

However, I want better for you. Get back up on that horse and keep trying. Don’t let someone not caring enough to even venture an explanation be the reason why you have lost six months in your search for love.

Want to get back together? Go watch this embarrassingly personal video I made that describes 3 mistakes not to make if you want any chance of getting him back. Check it out now before I chicken out and take it offline.

Have you ever been ghosted? Tell me what you think in the comments section below.

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is an author and founder of Attract The One.

Her popular program Ex Attraction Formula, has helped hundreds of women reunite with their men. She is thrilled to have helped so many people reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has been featured on Tiny Buddha, EHarmony Blog, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Fox News Magazine and more.

2 Comments

  1. Jenny

    August 2, 2016 at 5:30 am

    I can so relate to this, it’s like I’ve written it myself! Thank you for posting it!
    After my longterm relationship ended about 8 months ago, I’ve been spending a crazy amount of time dating guy after guy after guy and 99% of them have been people to just spend some nice time with and maybe casual sex, but with no real interest from my side for anything more.
    Then he came along (again, after a very long time chatting and one disappearance later) and after our first date I was completely confused. I liked him so much! I felt like this is the guy I might finally be able to put all the meaningless dating behind for. After the second date that was even more amazing than the first, it lasted a whole 15 hours! I was sold, I didn’t even think I had it in me to feel for anyone new again.
    Then after the second date he kept on asking when we should see each other again. We made plans but every time there was something coming up and we had to postpone. But then the 3rd and 4th time he just vanished. As explanation for the first time he said he had upgraded his phone and was offline, he also got annoyed at me for being ‘paranoid’ and asking why I thought he’d spent all that time and money on our dates just to fob me off. For some reason I forgave him because I liked him.
    The second time we had made plans and come the day when we’re supposed to meet (he was supposed to come to mine’s) I don’t hear from him, he doesn’t read my WhatsApp messages and he doesn’t respond. I’m heartbroken and angry and disappointed and I don’t know how to function for weeks. I ask myself over and over why he’s doing this to me when he’s made it so clear that he likes me. I eventually send him an angry voice message on WhatsApp and end it with a text ‘Goodbye name’. Afterwards I silently both hope that he contacts me again and that he doesn’t. I miss him terribly and the thought of starting the endless and meaningless dating all over again makes me sad and feel hopeless. The longer time passes I become certain he won’t contact me again and I feel more okay with it, I need to let it go but it’s really hard as our whole back-and-forth-tango has been going on for 5months and he kept having a grip of me.
    Then two days ago after a silence of 3 weeks he pops up again, apologising in the weirdest and emptiest way. I barely respond, but still there’s a part of me who wishes it’ll be him and me together. My mind and my heart are in a constant battle, I hope my mind wins this one because all this guy brings is hurt and I’m so tired.

    • Elizabeth Stone

      August 3, 2016 at 11:12 am

      Hi Jenny! You’re welcome.

      That is really a tough situation! How frustrating and unclear.

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