I’m Kate Spring, a dating and relationship coach that wants to help men understand the complexity of the female mind, more specifically– female attraction and what you can do to become irresistible to women.
That is, how can you become too attractive and tempting to be resisted.
Today I’m going to share a number of ways that you can create a deep hunger in a woman to want to be with you, no, NEED to be with you. So let’s get started.
I bet you remember Charles Darwin and his scientific theory of evolution. Or the phrase, “survival of the fittest” and “natural selection.”
These Darwinian phrases work to describe how organisms that are better adapted to their environment tend to survive and produce more offspring.
To whatever extent we agree with Darwin and his theory of evolution, there is something genetic about the survival of the fittest, for there is an inner compulsion that drives the female of the species to mate with the strongest, most attractive male.
Observation teaches us that this holds true in all species, humans included. The question then becomes, what is it within a male’s make-up that draws the female of the species to him?
More importantly, what are the factors that you– as a male— can exhibit in order to attract the female of your choice?
To answer that question, we need to begin at the beginning, that is, with the origin of the species.
That origin derives from a deep rooted instinctual drive to adapt. All species basically have this same instinct for survival and utilize the capacity to adapt in order to survive.
An obvious example is found in the animal kingdom. The short neck giraffe is a case in point.
Because giraffes now live in climates with often barren land, they tend to seek nutrients from eating leaves on trees. Hence the height. Their necks give them an advantage to feed. When you think of a giraffe, you immediately think of height.
What about short necked giraffes?
Because of the need to survive, and the benefit of a long neck and its advantages, giraffes have adapted. Are there still short neck giraffes?
Yes, but they are less common and the need for survival have made them so.
How does this relate to dating?
First, let me say that you don’t have to have a certain physical stature to succeed in dating, but there are some things that you can do to present yourself as the best mating candidate.
Just as Darwin’s theory looks at an organism’s likeliness to succeed at surviving, reproducing, and prospering in a given situation, contemporary women look for these same qualities, whether consciously or unconsciously, in the men that they will date.
Moreover, research proves that women are biologically attracted to men who exude the ability to achieve these ends.
Focusing on the fundamentals of human instincts and behavior allows us to see how large a part they play in attraction and the need to make yourself seem like the most attractive and capable suitor to achieve the three keys to existence, which are to survive, reproduce and prosper.
How you become irresistible to women is not by sheer luck, or the magic of a fairy god-mother, or by an anonymous benefactor, but through good old-fashioned effort and knowledge.
You’re responsible for the effort and I’m about to provide you with some knowledge. So here are 5 ways to become irresistible to women.
Step 1: Take Initiative
I’m sure you’ve heard that women are attracted to the alpha male type, which is true, but one of the defining qualities of an Alpha male is leadership.
And when I say leadership, I don’t mean the influence that one has over others, but, for the purpose of this video, one’s ability to lead oneself.
I am tempted to call this initiative. The dictionary defines an initiative as “the first step in a series of actions.”
Initiative can also mean a personal quality that shows a willingness to get things done and take personal responsibility to achieve that end.
An initiative is the start of something, with the hope that it will continue. I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying “actions speak louder than words.” And I would have to say that this is a highly important step if you want to be seen as desirable.
A man who actually does what he says he is going to do immediately elevates himself to a higher status. It shows a woman that you’re willing and able to be a provider and protector.
I’m not talking about you paying for every meal and date, but I am talking about how you value your own life and go after what in your life that you want.
This is something that many women, subconsciously, think about when they meet you. They’re subconsciously analyzing how you two will fit together in their future.
This is shorthand for how she’s observing and evaluating your ability to survive, prosper, and reproduce.
How you take initiative in your day to day life shows your ability to survive, because it shows that you can fend for yourself, which is leading you on the path to prosperity.
One way to show initiative and confidence is to call a woman and not text her when you want to set up a time to get together.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that, “what you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.”
Let your actions speak for you. We do not see your intentions through your thoughts and your words, we come to know you through your actions. And if your actions are not congruent with your words, you seem untrustworthy.
And trust is a must when it comes to creating the foundation of a successful relationship, or, in this case, a magnetic persona for yourself.
Step 2: Be Vulnerable/ Yourself.
Many people associate being vulnerable with weakness, a person who is sensitive and defenseless.
While vulnerable does mean to be open to hurt, it is also a sign of strength. And nowadays, women are looking to men for not only physical strength, but emotional strength.
A large part of that is the ability and willingness to be open– vulnerable.
We no longer expect men to be stoic and perfect. The definition of vulnerable is to be open to being wounded. Physically, mentally, emotionally, maybe even socially. And isn’t that a sign of strength?
To be open to being shut down, made fun of, or, heaven forbid, to be wrong.
But hear me out. When I say be vulnerable, I’m not suggesting that you bare your soul on the first date about your insecurities and hardships.
Mark Manson, in his book, Models: Attract Women Through Honesty outlines very well what vulnerability in masculinity really is all about.
Manson says, “vulnerability represents a form of power, a deep and subtle form of power. A man who’s able to make himself vulnerable is saying to the world, ‘I don’t care what you think of me; this is who I am, and I am OK with it.’ He’s saying he has true confidence and that he’s high status.”
And I couldn’t agree with this statement more. Vulnerability is the confidence to be yourself and not care what anyone thinks. It’s being authentically you, not arrogant.
Having a certain level of emotional intelligence helps to deepen your connection with a woman, which allows her to feel comfortable with you, which– in turn– leads to trust, which ultimately can lead to sex and intimacy. And in evolutionary terms, we call that reproduction.
Step 3: Get Big.
The third step in becoming irresistible to women is to make yourself appear desirable through getting big.
And no, I’m not suggesting that you take steroids, or overdose of protein powder.
What I want you to do is, regardless of your size, learn to open up your body and take up space.
Men who have a closed off body posture seem untrustworthy, and that is not someone that women want to be around.
The type of men who are irresistible to women are the type that stand tall, regardless of their height; they take up space by opening up their body.
They stand with arms open, not crossed; their feet are pointed forwards, their legs uncrossed, their back is straight, and their heads held high.
It’s the posture of confidence; it says I am here, willing, and able.
This has nothing to do with genetic makeup. It doesn’t depend on being over six feet tall.
It’s about the attitude that you display through your body posture.
Think of Napoleon, or Mahatma Gandhi.
These were men of small statute but gigantic presence. They were leaders of nations, conquerors of hearts.
These alpha males, through their body language, through their attitude and how they carried themselves, make themselves appear larger, and so can you.
Step 4: Become a Master Communicator.
For our fourth step to become irresistible to women, you need to become a master at communication.
On average, women speak 20,000 words per day, whereas men speak only 7,000 words. That is less than half of what a woman speaks.
I’m not saying that you should speak as much as a woman, for part of the communication equation is listening, and statistics promise that you will have lots of time for listening.
This is important because being a good listener is key in making someone feel good about being around you.
Asking thoughtful questions about something that a woman has just said is a great way to show that you are listening, that you are interested, and engaged.
Listening is one part of learning how to communicate effectively, and communicating effectively, appropriately, and economically will definitely help you to succeed with women.
You want to find a balance between speaking and listening, between inspiring and engaging.
This balance is necessary in all aspects of your relationship, and one of the ways to ensure that you prosper in all areas of the communication department is to text effectively, which brings us to our next point as we move from face to face communication to texting.
Step 5: Text Her With Intent.
One of the best and easiest ways to introduce a woman to your charm is to learn how to text her properly.
It’s quite easy and effective when you think about it. It doesn’t require specific body language. You can do it from anywhere, so it’s really key that you get good at it, but if you need a jumping off point, let’s look at the basics.
Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance has a very useful breakdown of what you should do. Ansari broke it down into three easy to remember steps.
So the three 3 steps to crafting the perfect text are as follows:
- A detailed/firm invitation to something specific at a specific time.
- Some sort of reference to a previous face-to-face interaction.
- A humorous tone/style.
Texting artfully is one way to maintain contact and build intimacy.
Remember that the word contact comes from the Latin word ‘contactus,’ meaning to touch or a touching.
So text invitingly, gently, and with an intention to touch.
In bringing this to a conclusion, it would be an understatement to say that humans have dramatically evolved since Darwin’s theory of natural selection and the survival of the fittest, but that should not blind us to what it can offer us today in terms of understanding human behavior and its motivation.
Indeed, when looking at female behavior and what stimulates our attraction and why, I think he is an invaluable resource, at least he was for me.
And I hope that you, too, have learned something of value that will assist you in your pursuits.
If you want to learn more about building and maintaining attraction with a woman then head over to my free presentation on building attraction here.
