11 Ways You’re Forcing Him to Run

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Relationship Self-SabotageRelationship self-sabotage can stem from a variety of negative beliefs about one’s lovability, future and past relationships. If someone truly believes that aren’t deserving of love, they’ll make completely sure that they don’t maintain a happy relationship for long.

I recently just wrote about how to stop self-sabotage.

Here are just some of the ways that women drive their guy away:

1. Cheating

This is the mother of ways to undermine your partner’s trust and throw a grenade into your relationship. I don’t have to explain to you why this is so detrimental, but if you’re currently cheating, please consider making a change.

2. Insecurity

There are several ways that insecurity sabotages a relationship. First, the insecure partner may be looking for constant reassurance that the other person loves them, that they are still attractive, etc.

Second, they may start being really jealous and faultfinding of the other person.

If you’re always asking for him to reassure you about his love for you, the way you look, how you are, etc. this is a recipe for disaster.

Constantly questioning someone’s feelings for you communicates that you don’t feel valuable and confident. It becomes a burden for him to provide constant reassurance.

3. Defensiveness

Determined by relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman to be one of the top 4 predictors of divorce, a very defensive partner sabotages things by not taking responsibility for their part in a conflict. Making excuses, cross-complaining and whining all fall into this category.

Make an effort to take responsibility for your part in disagreements. Stop and wait to hear your partner’s side of the story before you go on the defensive. Some arguments can easily be nipped in the bud by a simple apology instead of a mounting defense.

4. Not Picking Your Battles

If every single thing that you did irritated someone to the point that you were having a confrontation, think about how that would make you feel. Not so good, right?

Having a critical partner who has a problem with every little thing is a miserable experience. If you find yourself mentioning every little thing he does wrong, it’s a recipe for disaster.

5. Over sharing

Guys report that they HATE it when they find out that you’ve told your friends or family every detail about them, your fights, your sex life, etc. Practice sharing less information about your relationship with your friends and family.

6. Pessimism

Have you downgraded your relationship expectations so much that you are saying things like “if I don’t expect anything, I can’t be disappointed”?

This sucks because you’re not giving the other person a chance to make a difference in the relationship. Eventually your guy will start to think that nothing he does makes a difference. If you continue to expect negativity, you’ll attract it.

7. Martyrdom

Are you going around acting like you’re constantly suffering to keep the relationship intact? Do you mention how many sacrifices you’ve made for your partner? You may be suffering from martyrdom.

Think of the people you know who can’t seem to shut up about all the sacrifices they’ve made. Now, reflect on how ridiculously unattractive this is. If you’ve heard yourself say something along the lines of “I’m always sacrificing for you!” It’s time to work to change this behavior.

By telling the other person how valuable you are to them all the time, you’re coming off as annoying and insecure. Cut it out.

8. Nagging

Nagging creates an un-even parental-type relationship dynamic. It is a sure way to get your guy sprinting for the hills and downright avoiding you.  If this is a problem for you, check out how to stop nagging.

9. Being controlling

Eventually he’ll start to feel like he can’t make any of his own decisions and hit the road. Then you’ll be in control of the demise of your relationship. Fantastic. (heavy sarcasm). I’ll admit that I’ve had problems with this before. Here’s how to stop being controlling.

10. Self-Righteousness

It’s a drag to be with someone who always thinks they’re right.  I had a very bright relationship psychology professor a long time ago who said “you can either commit to being right all the time or having a good relationship, but not both.”  This is simple, genius advice.  Take the time to get down off your high horse every once in a while.

11. Criticism

Criticism is another of Dr. John Gottman’s predictors of divorce.  Make sure that when you disagree, you fight fair.  Avoid generalizations and sweeping statements like “you always…” or “you never…” when describing behavior that you don’t like.

If you’re like most women, this story will sound painfully familiar to you.

At first things are going great with a guy… there are the tantalizing calls and texts, flirty Facebook messages, and maybe things even get a little intimate…

Then it happens…

It seems like suddenly something snaps in him, and he starts to withdraw… then out of nowhere he just completely loses interest in you.

Your texts and calls start to go unanswered and soon he just disappears out of your life.

To make things worse, it’s usually not an isolated incident. If it happens once, it’s most likely going to continue to happen.

That was the exact story my relationship consultant friend James heard at a lunch meeting with a client a while ago. It was during that same lunch that James discovered an answer to perhaps the biggest piece in the dating and relationship puzzle…

This video exposes a “gap” in the male mind, and how it’s destroying happy relationships everywhere.

The shocking thing about “The Gap” is how subtly it can destroy otherwise healthy relationships.

Watch this video to learn how you can bridge “The Gap” and use this powerful discovery to easily attract, connect with, and commit a perfect Mr. Right into your life today.

Elizabeth Stone

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is a bestselling author, head love coach and founder of Attract The One and Luxe Self.

Through her coaching, writing and online programs she has helped thousands of women reunite with their men and create amazing, soul-level connections. She is thrilled to have helped so many couples reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has gone viral on Your Tango and Thought Catalog as well as been featured on EHarmony, Zoosk, Popsugar, The Good Men Project, Tiny Buddha, Bustle, Fox News Magazine, Ravishly, She Knows, Mind’s Journal, Read Unwritten, Madame Noire, Digital Romance Inc. and many more.

2 Comments

  1. Heather

    October 26, 2014 at 6:39 am

    These are the 11 ways my husband behaves. I know more men that are like this than woman. 🙂

    • Attract The One

      Elizabeth Stone

      October 27, 2014 at 6:34 am

      Hi Heather, thanks for your comment. True, men can do this too, relationship self-sabotage is definitely not gender specific 🙂 .

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