Hi, I’m Elizabeth Stone. Here’s today’s question about whether or not a reader’s husband is having a midlife crisis:
“Do you talk about midlife crisis? My husband of 27 years suddenly changed and then moved out, and in with a much younger woman. They now live together. I am beyond heartbroken. He’s been living with her for 8 months. I’ve never felt this much pain in my life. I’m reading all I can about this, especially midlife crisis. Thanks for any advice.”
First, I’m really sorry that this happened to you. I can feel the gut punch here just reading this.
That’s why I hope you take what I’m about to say in the spirit of compassion that I mean it.
It sounds like you’ve diagnosed the problem as “is my husband having a midlife crisis” and then went down the research rabbit hole. Usually people do this when they want to future-cast what might happen with someone.
Now, I don’t write specifically about midlife crisis as a concept because I don’t find that label particularly helpful.
The concept of midlife crisis is another one made up by humans to put a name to something that they’ve observed.
But how do we define “what is a midlife crisis?”
Is your husband having a midlife crisis when you turn 40 and suddenly buy a red convertible?
Is it when you dump your spouse and move in with a much younger woman?
One person’s “midlife crisis” is another person’s “fresh start.”
Knowing whether something deserves to be labeled a certain way, in this case– whether or not he’s having a midlife crisis– doesn’t change the reality of the particular situation you’re living through.
In fact, it makes it harder because now you have a bunch of new ideas to think about instead of the reality of now.
Blaming and labeling your husbands as a midlife crisis is a distraction from reality.
From where I sit, the basic reality here seems to be that you’re spending more time with you.
Your husband is spending more time with himself and sometimes a much younger woman who he lives with now.
That base reality can be freeing and exciting or painful and soul crushingly upsetting, depending on how you choose to look at it.
If you think “my life is destroyed and how could he do this to me?” then you’ll feel one way. (Probably bad)
If you think, “Good! Now I get to make my life exactly the way I’ve always wanted it NOW,” then you’ll feel hopeful and do hopeful actions.
I can absolutely see why you’re trying to make sense of all of this. That’s human nature.
But, “that’s unfortunate but now I get to create something new!” is so more freeing than “he did this because he’s having a midlife crisis and that means X and Y.”
The second mindset keeps you stuck and focused on him.
He’s not around! It’s time to put your focus back on yourself because you’re the one you live with.
So go out and create something awesome in your life, instead of reading up on the details about midlife crisis.
To find how people block their chances for attracting lasting love, check out my free masterclass The 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love.
