Have you been fielding questions from your grandmother about when he’s going to propose? Do strangers automatically refer to you as married without actually knowing one way or another?
It’s the age-old question, how to get him to propose? Have you been in a long term relationship and are wondering where it’s going? Has he been dropping hints about the future but you aren’t sure whether he’s going to follow through? Do you know for sure that he is The One but aren’t sure where he stands?
If you want your man to propose, more pressure is the last thing he needs. Most women are woefully unaware that what they think are subtle “hints” sound like nagging demands to their guy. Follow these tips in order to get him to take that scary step and hold your hand through it all.
1. Assess if he’s ready to commit.
You aren’t going to get a man to propose if marriage isn’t even on his radar. Men’s lives follow a time-line much more often than women’s do. If he’s a struggling student who hasn’t established a long-term career, it’s going to be an uphill battle trying to get him to settle down. Men often think about their lives in terms of a logical trajectory.
Party in college, graduate, get a job, be wild-animal bachelor, meet woman, get married, have kids is often how the male timeline goes. If you’ve met him when he isn’t ready to support a family or doesn’t feel like he’s sown his oats enough, you’re going to have a really hard time getting him to commit to you.
2. Show your readiness.
It’s not enough to know his readiness, if he is thinking of you this way he wants to know yours as well. A man won’t ask a girl out that may or may not say yes. And a man won’t ask a woman for her hand in marriage if he isn’t sure where she stands on the subject. Show your readiness without beating him over the head with it, and he will be that much closer to asking for you for the rest of your life.
3. Bake him a chicken.
Sound too weird? When a man walks into your home and smells a roasted chicken, he starts to picture that in his future. Scents and domestic experiences are pretty closely related. He’ll start to associate you with home and family. Think that’s too weird or manipulative? In 2004, Glamour Magazine published a recipe called “Engagement Chicken” that reached occult status due to its surprising success. What’s the worst that could happen? You burn the chicken, you both laugh it off over the restaurant that you wind up in, and he loves you even more.
4. Actions speak louder than words.
Show him through actions that you are wife material. When his car breaks down, show up and help him figure it out. When his grandmother gets sent to the hospital, handle phone calls he needs handled and send food to the family members who are too busy to take care of it themselves.
Buy Christmas presents for his nieces because he forgot, and send him virtual hugs when he has a bad day at the office. If you want to be his wife, show him that you will be a good one before he even thinks about popping the question.
5. Address his fears.
He won’t enter a life long commitment with you if he thinks he isn’t good enough, and men are just as human as women are. It’s important to not only address them, but ensure him that his issues are okay with you. Treat his fears the same way you want him to treat yours. When he knows you love him, baggage and all, he will love you the same way in return.
6. Get him out of his comfort zone.
As much as we want this to be an easy step for a man, men don’t value what they can get easily. Bob Grant, relationship guru and author of The Women Men Adore and Never Want to Leave says there’s something to be said about making him uncomfortable on occasion. It’s about sticking to your standards, knowing your self worth, and holding to your opinions even if he doesn’t always agree with them. A valuable man wants a woman that challenges him once in a while; it shows him that you aren’t going to settle for just any one, that you really are interested in The Right One.
If you sense that he’s taking you for granted, pull back a bit. Stop doting after him. Make it clear through your actions that you expect him to make an effort as well.
7. Show him how you feel about him.
Some men secretly feel that women desperately want to get married to anyone. This doesn’t make him feel special. If you’re interested in marriage in the future, make sure that your relationship with him is the right relationship for you, and if it is, make it clear how much you love and appreciate him for him, separate from a commitment. Don’t compromise your desire for marriage or make silly platitudes like “even if we never get married, I will still love you forever.” The marriage conversation can be left out. Just make it clear how happy and content he makes you. Verbally appreciate the things he does for you and enjoy his company like.. you know… a couple J.
The Bottom Line About How to Get Him to Propose
When it comes to marriage and getting him to propose, there is no quick or sure-fire way to do so. You simply need to become the woman that he never wants to leave, and that is by showing him that you are open to a commitment with him, are valuable wife material, but can handle the pressures in life with him, without pressuring him. And letting him walk into a home that smells like freshly roasted chicken certainly won’t hurt your efforts either.