You know those women who seem to have effortless relationships?
And if they’re single, they don’t really seem to struggle with attracting men? It just all seems to work for them?
Is this real? Are they full of it? Or is there something more to it?
After years of coaching women to become their most irresistible selves (single or not), I’ve noticed that there really is something to it.
It turns out that natural irresistibility has a few common themes that can be learned.
Here are my observations of 6 traits of naturally magnetic, irresistible women who seem to have an effortless ability to attract good, kind men.
1. Irresistible women focus on the positive (but don’t ignore the negative).
Focusing on the positive is a choice that desirable women make over and over again.
The good times might not always last, or they might experience times of deep sadness, but on the whole, sought-after women choose to focus on the positive in any given situation while dealing with the negatives.
Focusing on the positive isn’t about pretending the downsides aren’t there, it’s about making the choice to look in the lightest direction.
2. They take responsibility.
It’s much easier to stay positive and happy with your life when you believe that things are your responsibility (for better or worse). Blame is so very unattractive since it sends negativity out into the world to be absorbed by others.
Desirable women just aren’t going around bitching and moaning about how things are going terrible.
They’re ready for good things to happen, and if or when they don’t, they start working on making it right or moving on.
3. Magnetic women take responsibility for their own happiness.
And, this kind of lasting happiness is not that fake chirpiness where you’re convinced she’s really lying and could snap any minute.
The kind of happiness an irresistible woman has feels more like a mellow, content and enthusiastic perspective about life.
They understand that their happiness is a feeling that is part of who they are. This aliveness is what we are made of as human beings.
It’s not up for negotiation, even though it might be covered up from time to time by unhelpful thoughts.
The most magnetic and irresistible among us may occasionally throw a pity party, but they don’t set up shop and live there forever.
4. Irresistible women see the good in others.
Relationships are much harder when you’re always looking over your shoulder, believing thoughts about how he MUST be trying to screw you over. If not right now, then eventually.
It’s either that or believing the thought, “nothing this good could ever last.”
Well with that mindset, guess what? It won’t!
Along the same lines, when things go wrong or they feel uncertain in their relationship, naturally irresistible women avoid automatically launching into blame mode.
When given two potential reasons for someone doing something they don’t like, they are more likely to look at reality and avoid believing unhelpful and blaming thought about other people’s motives.
For example, “they forgot the milk” is reality.
Here are some other possibilities for thoughts that come with that one:
“They didn’t bring me milk on purpose. They forgot the milk because they are terrible and don’t really care about me or our relationship.”
The first thought is true.
The second set of ideas may or may not be true. But focusing on these ideas makes it tough to create closeness and give others the benefit of the doubt.
And… which one do you WANT to be true?
That your loved one is out to screw you over or that they innocently forgot something they agreed to do?
An irresistible woman does her best to stay away from blaming and shaming others.
5. Personal growth and goals are important to them.
At my wedding, my father passed along a cherished piece of relationship advice.
He told us that he and my mother always make sure to pursue their goals, both individually and together when it makes sense.
He explained that without something new to talk about, things get painfully stale in your relationships.
And… I’ve never forgotten it.
Sometimes people worry that they have to sacrifice their dreams for their relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth.
You must find a relationship that works WITH your dreams for your life, and a mate who is supportive of you.
Passion (for something other than any given relationship) helps your love life expand. It keeps you interesting and stops you from getting bored with your life in general.
This trickles down and means that you have more to bring to your relationship and share.
6. Irresistible women take care of themselves, for themselves.
I realize if you’ve been slacking in the body maintenance department, it sucks to hear that if you get in shape and eat right, you’re more irresistible and desirable.
While it may not be politically correct, it is true.
It’s ironic that we see airbrushed bodies all day long and have such an appearance-oriented culture, but when we talk about love, we are supposed to pretend that during “real love,” looks don’t matter.
I’m sorry, that’s wrong. That doesn’t mean you, me or ANYONE has to be perfect— not at all, but we DO have to work on the physical to stay healthy and keep it all humming along.
And desirable women make the effort to do the best they can with what they’ve got— that’s just one of the reasons they are so magnetically desirable.
