I don’t have to mention that regular sex between a couple is incredibly important. Regular sex is often the glue that keeps a relationship working happily. Two people might have a lot in common and enjoy each other’s company, but except in uncommon cases, when the sex stops, if the relationship continues, usually one or both of the partners becomes frustrated, and frankly, prone to cheating.
While “too much great sex” isn’t something that I’ve heard anyone complain about, it’s extremely difficult to maintain a happy, satisfying long-term relationship when a couple aren’t on the same page sexually.
Sometimes relationships start off hot and heavy. The sex is so good it seems like a revelation. We reorganize our calendars, decide the other person is heaven-sent, and generally thank our lucky stars that things are going so well. Then, over time, as we get more committed, often the sexual dynamic slows down.
So how do you prevent a normal sexual slow-down from turning into a full-on drought? The answer lies in—gulp—your calendar.
Most people groan when I mention scheduling sex. Scheduling sounds clinical and somehow forced. I can see the eye rolling and groaning, and to be honest, I used to feel the same way. Scheduling sex sounds so clinical.
In practice, this is not so!
Here are six reasons why you should sit down with your partner and get your calendar out, right now.
1. Scheduling guarantees life won’t get in the way.
Often when people get busy, their desire to hit the sheets is the first thing to fall by the wayside. Putting sexy time on the calendar takes away ‘busy’ as an excuse for ‘stale.’
2. Scheduling helps you get in the mood.
Have you ever felt like you were too exhausted/unsexy to do the deed? Having an agreed-upon time gives you the opportunity to prepare and get into a sexier mindset. It gives both people something to plan for.
3. Anticipation has time to build.
After getting into the habit of planned sexy time, just seeing the appointment on your calendar along with something to look forward to is exciting. There is a thrill in knowing it’s going to happen and getting to fantasize in advance.
4. Our habits determine our success.
Ever tried to create change in your life? It doesn’t happen right away, right? Just like creating anything else worth having, building an amazing, sexy relationship takes time.
Our habits throughout that time determine our long-term success. Same with sex. While sex sometimes seems like a one-off act, it really isn’t. Passion between a couple doesn’t have to wane over time. If you nurture the passion between you by setting aside to connect regularly, the passion will grow.
5. Scheduling doesn’t negate spontaneity.
Sometimes people complain that scheduling “isn’t spontaneous.” This is true, it isn’t.
The thing is, you don’t have to stop being spontaneous because you’ve scheduled a bi-weekly nooky session. There is still the opportunity to grab your partner and go at it if you’re both feeling it. Making a plan just makes it so that you’re not hoping that the mood will strike.
6. Scheduling prevents rejection.
Feeling rejected is the worst, right? If you’ve heard “no” from your partner one too many times, it can feel like you’ve lost your groove and start deeply affecting your self esteem.
If you’re the one who’s turning down sex, it might have nothing to do with your partner, but over time it gets hurtful. Especially when you’re going through a patch where you just aren’t saying “yes” often.
This is why having a plan for sex is so helpful. As long as you both let yourselves get into the mood before your appointment comes, scheduling prevents either person from feeling that the other person doesn’t want them.
Have you had success scheduling sex? Planning on trying it? Tell me your thoughts in the comment section below.