Marriage requires work, but research has shown that with work in challenging times, couples are more likely to be happier in the years ahead than those couples who decided to separate when things got difficult, and the relationship broke down.
One of the most important things to remember is that as a partner and husband, you have no control over your wife’s actions or feelings.
If you work on becoming the best person (and husband) you can be by being honest, considerate, open and patient, you can trust that your relationship has a better chance than running to look for someone else when things start to become difficult.
Here are some easy, simple ways to be a better husband and partner.
1. Random act of kindness.
Sometimes it becomes too easy for our responsibilities at work or our hobbies to get in the way and slowly erode our relationship. We may start to take her for granted because she does not seem to demand our time and attention the way our other responsibilities do.
Random acts of kindness, even small and seemingly insignificant, help create a stronger marriage and are vitally IMPORTANT to women.
Here are some ideas:
- Draw a heart on the steamy bathroom mirror while your wife is in the shower.
- Get up early and make breakfast for her.
- Clean her car.
- Call her unexpectedly during the day just to say “I love you.”
- Watch her favorite show or sporting event with her.
- Arrange a girl’s night for your wife.
2. Choose meaningful gifts.
Your wife will always appreciate a good gift at any time, not just Christmas or Valentine’s Day. This does not need to be an expensive, though it can be.
Make sure you remember important dates like her birthday and anniversary. If you have to, schedule reminders in multiple places so you don’t make the mistake of forgetting.
As far as anniversary gifts advice, choose a meaningful gift she can treasure.
A bouquet of flowers will wilt in a week, so consider a fruit tree, or a real rose dipped in precious metal that she can admire for a lifetime.
If you have seen her take a second glance at a skirt in a shop window or mentioned something specific that has piqued her interest, surprise her with it.
A treat for your wife should be a regular thing, even if it is just her favorite chocolate bar when you are in the store picking up bread and milk. Otherwise, a trip to a local art exhibition, an aromatherapy bath kit, or a night out for dinner for no special reason are other great gift ideas.
The more confident your wife is that you truly love her and want to take care of her, the more excited she will be to spend time with you.
3. Talk openly about your finances.
Consider how you both feel about money.
Whether you’re fearful of financial insecurity or a big spender, there are “money personality” quizzes online that you can suggest you both take as a first step in the conversation about money.
It’s a good idea to sit down each year and align your decisions about your shared financial priorities for the year, whether it be a vacation, debt-repayment, or saving more for retirement. This means that you can agree on a household budget so that neither of you feels in the dark about where the money is being spent.
It is a good idea to have a separate “fun money” budgets to spend how you wish, as well as an agreed system about what you need to discuss before you make a purchase.
Unfortunately, money is one of the most common causes of divorce.
You will undoubtedly argue about money, but this can be dealt with positively. If you find yourselves struggling to talk about finances, get the help of a financial planner.
Always be open about your financial situation, including outstanding debts, loans, income sources, investments or other financial assets or obligations such as alimony, child support or financial support to aging parents.
If you aren’t married yet but intend to tie the knot, do your best to keep your wedding affordable— so you don’t end up behind before you even start the marriage.
Keeping financial secrets, such as spending on credit cards your partner knows nothing about will cause you to feel guilty. WHEN she finds out, you’ll be in a world of hurt and distrust.
4. Make the effort to find out more about your wife.
Put down your phone, turn off the television and spend some time with your wife to see what is happening in her life.
Go for a walk or set aside an hour on a regular basis so you can catch up with each other.
Here are some specific questions to ask to find out more about her:
- Do you know her favorite band or what book she is currently reading?
- If you were to take her away on a long weekend, do you know where she would like to go?
- Is there a restaurant she would love to visit?
Find out answers to those questions and more. She will notice and appreciate your attention and interest in her.
5. Be creative when telling her you love her.
You may assume your wife already knows you love her, but it is good to make it clear often, whether with a love note in her purse or on the seat of her car at the beginning of the day.
If you cannot remember the last time you told your wife that you still find her attractive, then change that immediately.
One of the primary reasons people stray from their wedding vows is boredom.
Celebrate your more unusual anniversaries such as the first day you met, the first time you kissed, the date you moved into your first home together and other dates.
A simple rose on her pillow or running her a bath that she can enjoy whilst you make sure the pets and young children leave her alone.
Over time, kissing changes from being a passion for being a peck going to or coming in from work. Reclaim the passion with a 10-second kiss at least once a day.
6. Plan fun times.
Date night with your wife does not have to be expensive. A night walk along the beach, playing a round of golf together or having a marathon night of board games can be fun.
If you can, share hobbies like couple’s cooking classes, join a choir and keep fit together. Find shared activities that you both enjoy and make an effort to include that in your schedule.
7. Make your partner (and relationship) your main priority.
Making your wife a priority means you may have to say no to other things to keep the schedule clear for spending time together.
This may mean no longer watching a particular television program so you can focus on each other.
Keeping your partner and marriage as a clear priority can also shift your perspective when times are difficult, as you can focus on what to be grateful for.
Make it a priority to try to go to bed together at the same time, even if your work, baby or children schedules make this difficult. Right before bed is a great time to change interactions with your wife from negative to positive. Make bed a sacred place where you enjoy each other.
Instead of confrontation, start telling each other jokes. You can talk about where you want your relationship to go and things you share, rather than just passing along boring information about your day.
By initiating positive, intimate conversations, you can be proactive in maintaining strong bonds of marriage and keep your wife thrilled to be married to you.