While we are dating, our partner seems perfect to us. All their flaws are just cute features.
Then you get engaged and wedding planning can be stressful but usually it’s exciting and happy.
That’s why, since you’re feeling so good now, why discuss anything at all?
Many couples who decide to get married and start a family do not realize what family life is.
Wedding euphoria is replaced by everyday life.
Two people suddenly realize how differently they look at the essential things: from raising children to managing the family budget.
A little discussion before the wedding can increase your level of satisfaction with family life in general.
You shouldn’t avoid sharp and uncomfortable questions just for fear that they could lead to disagreement.
The sooner you learn about each other’s characteristics and beliefs, the better. You will have the opportunity to understand if you can accept each other and compromise.
Discuss some essential things to discuss that will help you get to know each other better and understand if your visions of married life fit together. Here we go.
1. Financial affairs
If you decide to start a family, each of you needs to be aware of your partner’s financial situation.
Debts, loans, tuition fees, upcoming significant expenses, lack of a permanent source of income – it will be unpleasant if this information comes as a surprise to you immediately after the wedding.
Do you need a marriage contract or marriage counselor to start things off on the right foot?
Be as honest with each other as possible, and do not start your family life with dishonesty and mistrust. If any of you have difficulties with money issues, it will be much easier to solve them together.
Try to plan your future family budget: who will be responsible for it, what expenses you will have soon.
The sooner you discuss this issue, the less disagreement will arise in the couple after the wedding.
2. Children and parenting
Children are a deal-breaker issue.
Discuss whether you want to have children, what kind of parents you imagine yourself to be, whether you will have a babysitter – these are all worth discussing. Hear each other out and try to reach a mutual understanding.
It’s good if your views match, but what if they don’t?
When one of you wants a baby, and the other is not yet eager to raise children, this is a huge problem. Make sure that you are both on the same page before you walk down the aisle.
That’s why talking about this before you get married is better in the long run.
3. Do you plan on relocating?
Moving is one of the most common issues after the marriage ceremony.
One of you might want to move closer to your parents, one of you wants wants to move further away from them. One of you might want to relocate to earn more, live in a city or move to the suburbs.
Either way, where you want to live after you get married will have wide-reaching effects on your lifestyle as a couple.
Find out how you feel about relocating, the options, their pros and cons, costs, and how often you will visit your relatives if they are far away.
Sometimes relocating forces you to completely change your usual way of life– learn a new language, look for a new job, and make new friends.
By discussing these things in advance, you can more easily adapt to the upcoming life changes.
4. Your plans for taking care of elderly parents
One day, the time may come when your parents will need help and care. Perhaps this moment has already come.
Taking care of elderly parents is a big responsibility that will require a lot of effort, time, and patience. Unless the issue is currently staring you in the face, few people think about it before falling in love and getting married.
That’s why it will be helpful to know how your spouse expects to behave if you need to care for your parents and how you will act in a similar situation.
Where they will live, who will help them, pay for treatment – these questions do not require a definite answer.
Still, discussing the issue shows your readiness and ability to overcome life’s difficulties and accept responsibility for your extended family.
5. Your plans for the future
Each of you wants to achieve something in life– maybe it’s building a house, traveling the world, raising children, starting your own business, or realizing your creative potential.
So your future marriage becomes a support and not a hindrance to these plans, share them and help bring your future spouse into your vision for your future.
6. Your requirements for personal time and space
Before dating and marriage, each of you managed your own time. After the wedding, it may change, and you will both have an easier time if you talk about what you expect ahead of time.
If not, how would it be for you to find out that your spouse is against your meetings with your friends or vice versa?
Having decided in advance that each of you will have the opportunity to spend time not only with each other but also with friends or for your favorite pastime, both of you will know what to expect during your marriage.
7. Intimacy
One of the most critical elements of a marriage story is sexual intimacy.
And if you prefer to spend all your free time in bed, and your partner has intimacy with you only “because they should,” you’re in for a tough time.
Of course, you can and should work on sexual compatibility, but you should discuss the basic issues in advance.
This can include anything from contraception to fetishes, fantasies and beyond.
8. Your personal health issues and care
Do you know everything about each other’s diseases, both physical and mental?
When you get married and connect your lives, you don’t just connect with that person but with their full set of issues.
You had better tell your partner honestly about all of your health problems if you have any.
Love is great, but life is made up of body, mental and soul issues.
According to the Bible verses on dating and marriage, you will have to undertake all three types of difficulties together.
Lots of these questions may seem obvious but they’re worth asking anyway. Sometimes the more obvious the answers seem, the greater your surprise can be when it turns out that you disagree on such important issues.
People change over time and this is normal.
However, if you decide to spend the rest of your life with another person, then it is worth making sure that you see your future in the same way.
Sometimes even strong love does not help if deep down, you have different plans for life.
