Today, let’s talk about about how to feel happier, right away without having to book a trip to Tahiti or win the lotto.
Whether you’re going through a rough spot in your relationship, going through a breakup or you just want to manage your emotions better, check out these 3 steps to feeling better.
1. Become aware of your focus.
Looking at the wall when you’re racing a car will lead you to slamming right into that wall. The first step in becoming happier and lighter is to notice your emotional starting point.
I speak from experience when I say that feeling fear, doubt and lack will wreck everything you care about. If you start allowing fear into your relationships, you will ruin everything. That’s why the first step after you’re aware of a negative emotion is to allow the emotion and then TALK YOURSELF DOWN. Whether something has happened to trigger it or not, talk yourself through the negativity.
Your life goes where your mind goes. Same with your relationships. If you’re afraid they’re going to leave you, you’re going to act unattractively and you’ll drive them away.
If you’re going around thinking about how unfulfilled you’re feeling or how you’re not getting your needs met, guess what you’re going to get more of— the condition of not having your needs met. Just like when you buy a blue car and suddenly you’re seeing them everywhere.
We can get metaphysical and woo woo about this or not, but it’s a truth— whatever you focus on, you will get more of.
But you’ve got to start catching yourself before you can change it.
2. Change that focus.
Now for the Jedi mind tricks. Like I said, if your default emotions are negative, you’re going to get more negativity and lack.
Instead, start looking forward and think about what you really want. So often in life, we are just reacting, not thinking about how to have a peak experience of any kind, or considering what we actually might want.
We have a thought or feeling and just go with that rather than actually stopping to logically consider what we want and where we actually want to go.
Something happens, we feel hurt and we try to move away from that hurt. Or we do something, it doesn’t feel the way we expected, so we run. This reactive position might get us temporarily away from pain, but it’s a sidebar path that doesn’t have a goal attached. Instead of acting, we’re reacting.
Instead, move your focus to achieving that, rather than whatever fleeting feeling you’re having at the moment.
Like I said before, if you’re feeling unfulfilled, dwelling on that is counterproductive. Want to feel fulfilled? Do fulfilling actions. Move toward fulfillment instead of away from a negative feeling.
That leads me to the next point. Since wide-sweeping change is usually not a one day process, you’ll have to stick with this.
3. Attach your milestones to your process, not your results.
Think about going to the gym. If you want to get fitter or stronger, you can’t simply look at a picture of a fitness model and say, “that!” snap your fingers and have it appear, right? (I mean it would be cool, and I’ve watched a lot of infomercials that make this look totally doable but it seems dubious).
It’s the same with feeling better. Reward yourself for maintaining a positive mindset WHILE you’re having that mindset. Back to the gym example, if you darken the door of the gym and show up, be excited about showing up. Make the success about SHOWING UP. If you keep showing up, you add to the chain and build self esteem around what you’re trying to improve.