Modern Dating Tips For Men Part 4

(This transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy.)

hey what’s going on guys welcome to the Orion Group podcast I’m your host Robert Dunn and I am here Wednesday back from break Mrs. Stone. hi Robert I’m super excited to be here get some her energy super excited because it’s been a little while and I have things to share and I’m well actually before we get into it go ahead and talk about all the media – yeah today I released my first lesson in the 7 blocks to manifesting love master class which is a free master class you can get it at you make sure manifest
(00:47) love master class calm once again it’s manifest love master class calm and it’s completely free all you need is your email address there are no one-click upsells or anything like that it it ties into the manifest real life program which is going to come out towards the end of the month and that is a group coaching program which is paid but the first master class is totally free so no obligation there and I’d love if you check it out I am super excited cuz I added the video myself yesterday you trust her quality that’s how you know
(01:26) difference between someone who’s rate that’s because you’re real then you’re gonna trust your content yeah I believe are extremely impolite you to take as well thank you I really appreciate it and then also the other thing I’ve noticed about this process for me is that anytime I haven’t played full-out like I have been like held back or like been afraid to really like say it all or give the whole thing I noticed that I just can’t be this enthusiastic so that’s why I’m trying to you know really
(02:00) this this time I’m like oh yes this is you I mean even though it you know I I’m of course it’s my baby so I’m a little protective of it but I hope that everybody likes it it’s all funny asked you that you’d say that because I was actually talking to a friend over the break and we were talking about how like he’s listening to a couple shows and he’s like man like you really hold back on a lot of things I know it’s tough because when you talk in this medium and people take things
(02:29) differently in this type of a thing then you would do four you’re just talking one oh well I think ideally anybody who does this would love to talk to everybody just one-on-one all right because you can actually talk about things and explain them in a way where it doesn’t seem so offensive to people when you can watch their facial expressions – right you get that experience of being face and mannerisms and you know all the human connection which is a big reason why we have a lot of struggles in the dating world because
(02:56) everything is not as intimate right well and besides polarity which we talk about constantly or I talk about constantly communication I mean you can communicate through polarity but communication itself is why we’re having so many of the problems so I just wanted to restate what you exactly just said I just wanted to just endorse that no it’s true it’s that it’s a great thing to be able to have a lot of the ways to be able to communicate with with different people from all over the world nowadays but
(03:35) there is you know something you do lose when you’re not able to have that face to face and so if there’s any you know I know we’ve been talking about dating tips so they want to emphasize is being able to get have those connections all your conversations shouldn’t be over text messaging all your conversations shouldn’t be you know have some kind of middleman essentially well and the other thing too is that it’s tempting to not notice feedback when you’re not getting a response so like in this medium you
(04:10) know you you’re largely uploading or recording that then becomes like you know and in the thing about that is that you don’t have people in an audience like nodding along with you or booing or anything if you get way off track it’s like not you know and it applies to dating because like if you continually are hitting somebody up and they are not responding to you you have to take that as like a message but here if nobody is responding that might be fine I guess there’s one thing I can really emphasize
(04:49) especially after we’ve been talking about dating tips for men it’s very hard to talk about dating tips for men and I realized one of the reasons why I really hate doing it it’s because so much of really what you need to know it’s really gonna come through experience you just need to have experience with the women I could think one of the greatest things I’m thankful for being kind of in an older millennial or I guess I’m kind of in the middle but just old enough to be pre social media anyways I got Jim when
(05:25) we talked to girls back in the day you talked him on the phone and you talked to ours you know I mean remember those days those days where you talk to one girl 13 hours on the phone with one person right every day it was just like clockwork or even thing and you gleaned so much from just having a conversation like that a lot of the kids coming up nowadays aren’t gonna really have that experience you talk to a girl for too long nowadays she’s gonna get bored with you you know vice versa it’s just kind of a
(05:57) different it’s a different situation out right well and there’s so much more stimulation I mean it before you your options were to like go outside or go upstairs or be on the phone in the kitchen with the cord wrapped around ya for 13 hours like you’re you didn’t have like an iPad and an Xbox and like a you know 500 different things to be involved in there was like the fourth thanks you can do a sport yeah frustration recall waiting is that’s what we could on earth they call it call it call way they do
(06:30) they don’t I don’t think I don’t yeah but I remember how big of a deal it was cuz back in you know back in that time when you were talking people on the phone we didn’t have multiple lines that you can click over to you know you know solve that busy signal and so you try to get a hold of your friend make it you could be hours before you got the chance because we didn’t have call waiting at all so there was no chance mr.
(06:56) Perron know people are trying to get all the you know hold of your parents they couldn’t you know all that like I’m waiting I’m never having us nostalgia moment like you know somebody’s waiting for the phone and they tell it you know they go around guarding it exactly it was war for if you know but nevertheless it did give you that chance to just get that experience is communicating with the opposite sex and you learned so much and just Kim Naturals I like you had a little notepad with you why he were talking on the
(07:30) phone but some things just got in you and just became you know a part of your normal that is was really crucial because so much about dealing with women is communication all right you can’t you’ve women fall in love with you through communication and so if you struggle with that it’s you can have a lot of the other things that may be attractive in general but once you open your mouth I mean so many women to say have this kind of like running joke word everything was good she was gonna go home with you – you opened your mouth
(08:08) [Laughter] you know just lady boner would it’s you know but yeah you know like sure we can continue go on that we do have some discuss yeah we should definitely finish out your dating tips because I really enjoy talking about them we can recap a little bit I know the first tip we talked about was just getting your [ __ ] together it sovereignty there’s just no other way don’t ever go to any kind of dating coach if you’re a man don’t ever listen to any man talk about relationship with women and if they do
(08:48) not talk to you about giving yourself together because there’s just I mean there’s no that is the foundation that is the catalyst for everything else nothing it’s like building blocks you can’t do anything else without that being there first it’s the prerequisite for everything because so much of you doing that is attractive to women is necessary for women to be attracted to you more than just you know oh I think he’s cute type of a thing you know what I just it’s it’s the foundation you have to start because
(09:25) that’s the foundation of frame you can’t build your frame without building it on to on something and that foundation is you personally getting some direction you getting some stability and we talked about frame how is sense of that being your brand as a man and we like Baskin Robbins 31 flavors what flavor are you because there’s so many men who are trying to be vanilla one day then chocolate the next and then mint chocolate chip didn’t on Thursday you can’t that’s not gonna work that work in
(09:58) high school when drama and chaos and all that is you know that’s thing that’s big in that work right so if your likes 15 16 just go through that period really none we can say to you until you get like 22 guys you just kind of need to go through all that and that that’s helpful as well so I don’t want to knock it it’s helpful you need to go through it but for the grown folks stability as a man always it’s it’s that is where it stars that you got I don’t want to talk to you without talking to you about becoming
(10:33) stable absolutely well in for example I had a six minute coaching call yesterday and during the six minutes and and I’m not gonna mess with his confidentiality but it was a man the entire okay so the the problem presented like it normally does in that I want this particular woman she doesn’t want me normal with the exact problem that everybody who comes to he has whether it’s the woman or the man or whoever it doesn’t actually matter but that that is the presenting problem for one minute we talked about that specific
(11:08) person and then for five minutes we talked about where he was at and he didn’t you know I didn’t like say and how are you doing like I did not do any of that but I was like here’s what we’re gonna need to do and so it but that is deceptively simple to say when it’s not you well you know when it’s not you like feeling like the fight or flight of somebody dumping you or going through a conflict with them or not being able to figure out why the heck they did or said this like the strategy behind that was
(11:45) one minute but the rest of it which will actually get him everything he wants was the other five minutes and that’s the right proportion and this is why this is how men get hustled this is there’s a snake oil salesman in the modern times it could be men’s dating coaches because the temptation as a man is to for someone to tell you that you can get this super fitness model who will love you forever and you don’t have to do anything that’s the lazy man’s way to riches by Jo carbo it’s the same principle it’s in
(12:22) money it’s in dating it’s the same like no effort you’re gonna lose 75 pounds if you do nothing and you’re all set right exactly it’s you you’re gonna you have to if you want whatever your it is if you’re wanting to attract you have to become at first that’s how you attract it right this is why if you go to a mall right now I don’t know we still have malls but no we do but you go to a mall if you see two people who are too far apart and physical look you’re gonna run
(12:58) right you’re gonna notice that you didn’t have to say if you’re with somebody among your guys all those thousands of people but you guys walk outside the mall and you say hey you remember that one couple they’re gonna know exactly the couple you’re talking why because it’s it sets something off there’s something innate but every film was like it’s wrong for two people to be too far apart right because we know that the norm is for people to be pretty much within the standard deviation of of
(13:26) where they are themselves when it feels uncomfortable for any partner to be are above or below you too much right to them and you so not only from the outside but from the inside like you’re gonna do something to sabotage that if it’s too good exact you know if you don’t measure up you will find a way to mess it up or screw up or like cheat on them or produce something to sabotage it because you do not feel worthy of it it’s not and it won’t you sneaky and weird and you’ll be like oh yeah I’ve
(13:56) gotta you know cheat on her with it you know like and it will not make sense to anybody except for the people that understand the self-worth principle behind it again it’s when I’m not you know you see people with different levels all the time that’s a good thing like I don’t care about that like what we’re talking about that’s not even the point that’s not where we’re trying to get the assets that everybody brings to the table like you all have to have something to trade and it’s unfortunate
(14:25) but like dating is a trading economy and you just have to bring stuff because even when we start can we get into a little bit down the road because I do want to talk about the difference between the validation ‘el and the transactional and but on on every level dating anything any interaction with the human being is on some level transactional right and we’re yeah we’re not saying like you know get out a notebook like start tallying it all up it’s just that if you can you know get past the shock and horror that that’s
(14:57) the case and then move on you’ll have a better time and so getting you know it’s doing the work you know doing the work being willing to do the work is that’s where we have to start and if that’s not something you’re into then you’re definitely not going the person you need to be listening to we’re not gonna be able to relate to you you for damn sure not gonna be related to us what’s just gonna upset you go away upset each other cuz I don’t I don’t want anything to do with you I don’t you
(15:32) like being around that like I know I’m so you know vicious when it comes to who I spend my time with and who I allow in my head that you know and that’s a big part of my lifestyle because I you have to be you we don’t realize how discipline how much work it takes to get to any level of life like it takes a lot and so it’s just when you can get that mindset in you first then you can start building off of that then you can really actually get help that you can actually apply because you’re willing to apply it
(16:04) because you’re already in like I don’t want to start talking to you about Whateley you know about losing weight like probably if I’m one of those people who is a fitness person I probably wouldn’t even start really talking about for six months because you got to get to six months of consistency first so I know you’re serious I mean and there’s a lot of people who like have a hard time dealing with the beginner mindset when it comes to anything absolutely and it can be very frustrating that is so
(16:40) important that you said that because that’s one of the things talk about being able to know where you are understanding yourself I know I am NOT a good person to be dealing with people who are beginning stages of anything you know what I’m gonna teach newbies basketball I’m just not built like that I gotta get you I remember when I win when I was smoking cigarettes so now what’s the doctor I was shocked because the doctor asked me if I stopped smoking and at that point I saw four months I consider myself a nonsmoker and anybody
(17:16) who’s smoked cigarettes understands that three or four months is a big deal I have moved on it is over exactly my mind I was quit but doctor was like now we don’t consider you and I’m quit for two years Oh – yeah it was two years like I will take my validation now please but now I understand because they know that that’s the you know you can get through those tickets are talk Ben you’re serious then you are actually a nonsmoker I’m sure through all their experience is the time limit on but it’s
(17:50) the same thing for me and I realized that I gotta get you once you’ve had to make some bad bad choices like I want to get you when you’re really like at that point where you realize that what you’re doing is truly not working right well and that’s why I work with the people who are going through usually the crisises because those are so much more interesting people to work with and there’s so much more humble then you know the way I was when I was 21 or 22 and I’d never really you know gotten my
(18:19) heart broken yeah like you know when you’re like oh this is all fine thank you I’d like to know a little bit more about this please like that’s fine and that’s a you know a place to roll out when we’re all trying to learn anything but the you know the real like deep work with people always has happened for me like a little bit later on their journey so it’s always much more like fulfilling and it feels like you’re getting a lot more accomplished with somebody when they’ve already been beat up because
(18:51) they’ve come to you ready and before that they can be kind of like what exactly and it’s so again it just goes into this whole idea of this is where we need to start and I know a lot of people will start with you know okay well we need to you know start telling you how to groom you know grow me like I’ll get you get a haircut all that kind of stuff is that’s not where I’m gonna start at this is where you got a great be down the road and so will we start talking about the idea of getting yourself
(19:29) together as a guy this is you know grown man stuff your existing looking better or fixing your outfits or doing something on the physical side as a man then like understand why you’re resisting that like you you know whatever it is like if you just start with like oh you know I’m resisting looking better like I don’t like irons or whatever yes well a lot of us that’s one thing about dealing with guys is because this also goes into why we get so frustrated with women because again our idea of love is different and
(20:10) most women would be shocked by RIT of love because our idea of love is you know we truly want to be loved unconditionally we want to be unconditionally we mean unconditionally no mincing words on that no does I say every time you talk to guys we what we say we mean direct like we are that direct a lot of when we kind of get caught off on that because I get they don’t realize how direct we are when we say unconditional we mean any state that we are in we think we should be left right regardless of how we act
(20:46) regardless of what we do and when we mess up we want to like look how again I’ve said this many a type of look how video games are set up obviously if we don’t games is one thing that is very appealing to men right why because we always even when we die we get to restart where we last left off if we ultimately die we get to just turn it off and restart again I mean there’s no punishment that is that it’s though that’s the it that’s the end that’s over right and so it works with us because
(21:19) that’s kind of how we’re bill we’re built that we that’s how ideally we want the world to be and so when we run into women and there’s conditions well the one thing I wanted to mention before you go into the conditions part real quick is that for the women listening that’s how men love so they this is what they want but this is also the way that they love you so that’s super powerful to know because if you don’t realize that like none of all of the stuff that you’re concerned about really matters as
(21:52) long as you’ve gotten past the steel trap and the moat and all you know douve over the the rav ein and done whenever you headed to you miss that it’s super stable with men this is what oh it’s so important that you said that thank you for introduce we think it’s honestly I don’t even say that because even me even at this point knowing what I know it still seems obvious to me yeah we don’t know I mean I know that but I’m saying that like as a group that is not seemed to be the case and the reason is
(22:29) I think because of the way that we are and I don’t mean that in a in a you know misogynistic or or negative way but there’s a but I mean that’s a horrible way for me to finish that sentence what forget everything I just said and go into the massage you know that’s not what I’m trying to say what I’m trying to say is that since we love differently we have different expectations you know it’s the the idea that like the man loves you and he loves you exactly the way you are once he says it’s the one
(23:04) time that’s it for him he doesn’t need to go back and keep telling you every day in his own mind when it comes to you I mean it that’s not satisfying because you’re like well that I mean okay whatever it was two years ago and he’s like sure yeah I still do because it to me is because to us it’s settled at that point yeah it’s engine in the car not the gas right with the time we actually walk down the aisle with you that all that is just real semantics that’s for you even when when guys say
(23:42) they like love you but they’re not in love with you or whatever they usually still do they’re usually bored confused and come and and they think I’ve conquered you like you just you know you are emotionally triggered by everything they’re doing and they’re tired of that I dropped it in there though was because when people give that speech or like the I don’t love you anymore speech when women give it they usually are like yeah sit like I really seriously mean this go away and with me yeah but that’s not
(24:18) necessarily the case it’s not the final word Zach that’s why a lot of men who have been through an experience with women who have been done with them they’re shocked by how shut that door is at that point we are done with you it’s it’s strange and you even realize that you’re so different because you’re not obviously they have guys in conscious of any of this stuff well the same with the average woman we’re not we just know that you’re not you know whatever it is is not triggering our love meter because
(24:51) we don’t know the difference right it’s not that a woman is done she’s done and like you said with us when we think we’re done that just means you know the door shut at least 90 percent but it’ll never truly be said without an egregious mistake I mean it takes a lot for him to compose at that door I think a lot of women would really need to know I think it’s important for you to the way women think we love is so not the way we love that it’s and we don’t even argue with it you don’t even argue it anymore guys
(25:27) don’t even fight those type of battles anymore it’s something we do we figure that’s just how yeah it’s insulting if you love that way to think of it differently right you know – excuse me – the thing that the person in front of you isn’t isn’t doing it that way you know that’s kind of a bummer that’s me oh but I maintain that men are the the most romantic romantics oh god it’s that’s what gets us in so much trouble like if I was to like all the questions I’ve gotten from men about
(25:59) relationships 90 to 95 percent of them have been the issue of them being the Romantics and they they need to get them out of that romantic idea that they have of this city because they can so romanticize me I’d like the question you got from the guy like I like a good woman who doesn’t like me like to the guy that I’m used to dealing with that’s it that’s how I was used to growing up that’s it well in the case of this guy I have to I have to just real quick mention it that it wasn’t that she was
(26:31) done with him or that she didn’t like him it was that they were having problems and she was making a lot of frustrating behavior that work was upsetting him so it was so that’s why he didn’t get the okay I think that you might be in a lost cause situation you know talk for me but that’s a rare talk because I’m so hopeful exactly see that’s the thing about it look say she loves you guys and she’s hopeful and that’s it’s it’s so important for us to have women like that in our lives because it’s so rare
(27:06) for us to have that in our lives but the fact that the way we actually go about it is so rooted in a romantic idea that like some women would be truly shocked because it doesn’t look like that from the outside because if your woman you’re used to dealing with men who just aren’t all said just aren’t that into you because I’m trying to have a show on that whole he’s just not that into you yeah yeah that one upsets me I’m gonna write that down right now screwed me up from like 2000 whatever came out for
(27:45) like five years was a mess and I still deal with the repercussions of that book wow that’s interesting weather because I think that’s just important for us right now because I know we’re talking about dating tips for a man but I think this does apply because a lot of guys we come from such the average guy key like and I’ve said this many a time but we come from such a place of scarcity in terms of how we think about this whole prosperously nowadays yeah because it’s so flooded I know how you kind of
(28:24) mentioned it a little earlier in the show about just how it’s just there’s just so much out there now and I even see it affected how I watch TV now because I got all I got Hulu Netflix Amazon Apple kind of Disney for my niece Chris yes all of that and I find it hard to stick with one show now you know I find like even if it’s so like if it’s anything about it I start to get a little bit bored I got shut it off and got something else not meaning often right give a show of streaming services and drop all their
(29:00) episodes like all at once now like I don’t I’m not gonna mess with this like I’m not watching it once a week and then that was your normal that’s how you watched shows once a week but I can’t do it now I’ll just wait until all the episodes are job then I’ll start watching it show like it’s literally changed how you know I could enjoy TV and I realized it’s because it’s just so flooded now that it’s you know it changed it just kind of rewires you a little bit and I think the same thing
(29:27) has happened in our dating world again I mean we’ve got a went over an article one time Elizabeth and even that article a lady even acknowledged that for the average guide is extremely difficult nowadays to do but was kind of just common it kind of just given to you kind of at one point in time because there’s a lot more competition you’re not just competing with the guys around you or the guys in your school or even the guys in your city you’re literally competing with them on a global scale and thinking about it
(30:01) does not make you happier no and so it’s gonna be what its we wired women for sure yeah you know cuz women the average women can be flooded if she’s on all the social media apps and even even a dating app she in a in a week she will have more attention from the opposite sex and Everidge guy we’ll see in a lifetime easily which is amazing to experience from both sides because you know I’ve you know since since I’ve coached men I’m primarily coach women everybody but I do coach men from time to time and
(30:36) they are always shocked when I explain to them that they should not attach any real judgment to any woman’s level of responses at some point because if she isn’t responding to you quickly she might just overwhelmed like you just have to back up a lot and then keep keep at it with other people and you know maybe touching base because if you push when when she’s just overwhelmed you’re gonna make yourself the problem you’re gonna make yourself the most visible person that’s pushing her again this is something that
(31:10) is very is affecting a lot of men right now a lot of men are not this the average guy just doesn’t it’s not knowing really what to do because well yeah and if you don’t I mean if you have like a close girlfriend I mean I don’t mean a girlfriend is in a romantic one but like a friend who’s a girl or you have a sister or you have somebody close to your age whoever and their single talk to them if they’ve ever been on dating apps about what it’s like because then you’ll be able to empathize with
(31:39) them better and then you’ll be able to understand like if the woman that you’re speaking to or finally got a response from or whatever kind of does behaviors that you don’t like or doesn’t respond fast enough rather than personalizing it you’ll understand maybe what it’s like for her and then become a lot less reactive I mean like so we can hope anyways but actually that’s a good thing to do because you will not keep sending bad messages if you see in a woman’s email inbox on a dating app like you
(32:10) won’t keep screwing this up and you’ll get a lot more attention with what you do if you can understand what what she’s going through and the mind said that she’s in like it I mean I’ve had people melt down in my in my inbox over a 10 minute break in the conversation like you’re inside Walmart and they’re having to you know why didn’t you respond to me fast enough well I cuz number one I was inside a store and number two you have to I mean there’s so much in here that I can’t
(32:39) even keep up right and this is and that’s a good point because like I’ve I was talking to Elizabeth about it before the show I think I’ve said this before on the show before but watching a woman go through the whole dating app experience was definitely eye-opening because there’s nothing about the way she was going about it that or there’s one particular girl anyways that was weird like she was okay she’s clearly you know talking to the guy she finds attractive and all the other ones are
(33:11) just she’s not responding to and then all the ones that you know she found attractive she started to talk to him seeing if there’s anything and most of the guys were just really trying to get things moving very quickly very few were actually you know have a conversation it’s really interesting because it was like okay that makes sense I mean I how you go about it made complete sense to me it wasn’t women doing some weird crazy women no no it’s not really it’s exactly how you do it if you were
(33:41) overrun right to be honest like it’s not any it’s not actually gender specific except for the amount of attention but nevertheless we we start talking about he’s just not that into you and actually no explain why it messed you up so much then we’ll take it from that premise all right a long long time ago in a land far far away I was not a coach going through a really tough time with one of my own relationships my first engagement and I read that okay so I was at a place where I was just really
(34:23) too young to get married and I didn’t know what to do about it and I was in this real like I was super busy too so I was working two jobs and I was going to school and I took everything in that book very literally and applied it to every single man I saw and so what happened then was that I and I was actually trying to you know make the relationship with with my fiance work at the time and it wasn’t and we were breaking up and making up and doing all the torture people do well I took the messages to apply to him and he wasn’t
(35:00) doing anything wrong like we we broke up really because we were both dealing with so much time pressure and it was more like two cats in a sack that was oh you did this wrong or you did that like nobody made that split clean or anything like that so when it came to the part where we were trying to get back together and reconcile it was like I’ve judged your behavior as meaning you’re just not that into me and that means that you should go away and and you know the book says you don’t love me essentially and um when I went
(35:37) out to go date people I mean we were broken up you know they went to date new people it was like you know it’s been five minutes since you responded you’re just not that into me like you know and the spirit of the book is really like you don’t want to be investing in things that people are aren’t interested in but the hard part about it is that it was written by a man for women and it really should have been written by a man for men almost because I know Jimmy because it it’s almost backwards because a man
(36:07) who really loves you will stick with you and if he’s continuing to talk to you there’s a reason he’s talking to you now he might not be you know completely smitten with you or whatever if he’s just talking to you for sex that you can judge that on your own but when he legitimately wants to spend his time and energy and you know self with you there’s something there for him and it to be like well you’re just not that into me because you haven’t proposed yet is a really bad way to go about it and
(36:40) there’s a lot of people now who are like do you know the repercussions in dating land from that book we’re like hit it or quit it like you you either want this or you don’t like and really if a minute like you you made the analogy one time about how men you know use their energy only on things that matter to them so if they’re using their energy in your direction in some way that means that it matters to them even if they’re not necessarily like going full out right and so when it comes to that I mean a
(37:14) man can date a lot of women or whatever at the same time just like you can as a woman but if he is continuing to do like all of the things that say that he likes you being like well you know this isn’t progressing that means you don’t care about me is just so short-sighted in it I mean I talk people out of it all the time like well look at all of this evidence you know he might not be saying something to you like he might not be verbally you know confirming his love that look how he calls you every day or look how he look
(37:48) how even though he’s not calling you every day he’s still doing stuff in your direction or whatever the case may be good there’s so much talk packed there but now that was a very good the way you laid that out to kind of see why kind of like you said they really cut the repercussions of kind of how something like that kind of damage that can do because like you said is almost seems to be like a book from a man written to other men and I see the spirit in in that statement because it was also written by a man who didn’t understand
(38:31) women either well and he’s a you know he’s a comedian it was Greg Baron I can’t pronounce his last name but you know he um do you know where’s the releasing dating advice really is a is not a dating advice person at the time and will suppose we made it into a movie you just well in the movie the purposes movie was like he you know he took ten days to call me and then our marriage didn’t work out are you kidding me like really that was your red flag that it took him ten days to call you like I deal with
(39:01) people who waited two years and the reason they waited two years was because they were scared and see that’s a type of thing that is we don’t put that in dating material right when you talk about all the dating content that’s out there a lot of it kind of ties into how we were talking about a little earlier about what you don’t get when you don’t really have that face-to-face opportunity when you’re not seeing somebody and seeing the way to you and seeing their body with me in their body
(39:33) language and you know all that so that your brain will pick up on that you get a better understand really where a person is it’s the same kind of thing when you start talking about the whole premise if he’s that not not that into you because that almost puts all of us in a box as well right oh so badly because I don’t know if you can really think I don’t know trying to look at your own behavior to your own eyes I don’t know how effective or productive that can really be but for the sake just
(40:08) to look at myself on Mike Wolfe the girls I was really into what was I doing so significantly different than the ones that I was not that and to me everything cuz I’m this as a guy everything so much of what is we’re experiencing we keep to ourselves okay or yeah it’s so internal and so this isn’t the whole point of a man cave man cave is pits guys and why it’s such a guy thing because he it’s a place for us to go to think because that’s what that’s how we process we don’t process
(40:45) through talking we process and then we talk like this is why every guy you ever dealt with I said I’ll have to think about that you get mad cuz you’re wanting to deal with it right didn’t there right because you’re processing through the conversation but we got to step away from it figure out where we really are with it and then come and talk to you about and so it’s when I think about the women that I was really that into the only real way you would have known the true difference I think from an outside
(41:14) perspective listen Noah was doing inside on inside of me because my behavior I don’t know was so completely or my out my behavior from my outward perspective I’ll know if you could see so much different than that from a woman I wasn’t that interested in because I’m too like that so many guys are just especially if you’re raised right you’re gonna be cool with everybody I mean if a woman wants talk to I’ll talk to you you know I mean but it’s there’s so much that I don’t know if can really be seen
(41:43) if you’re strictly going off of like oh well he hasn’t talked to me in three days yeah but I was thinking about you for the you know to me it’s ranked it’s that kind of a thing so it’s it’s very hard to pin down with everything like not to have some user of course not but we’re talking about like again hopefully we’re talking to grown people that have been around a little bit hopefully you know what it’s like when the guy just wants to get in your pants because if you know
(42:08) you’re still struggling with the difference between a guy who just wants to just wants to hit it as opposed to one who’s actually interested then that’s like said that’s a class that you need to take from a beginners level because if you’re 25 you still don’t know the difference then I don’t know through there so there’s other things we got I wanted not trying to you know minimize anything but just know in in it could be legitimately confusing you know from situation to situation absolutely I
(42:34) can express with the volume that women have to deal with yeah that’s true I mean it and the other thing is that you know you might not have somebody on their best day they might have like it might just really be circumstantial or whatever what people are going through but the thing about the thing about it is a woman is that like if he keeps coming toward you and keeps trying to engage you in it and it involves talking and not you know bedroom stuff only is the best way I could put it then you know there’s probably something there
(43:08) and that you just let him come and come toward you like yeah the easiest job ever is to just is to just let him come toward you when you can strip away all of the anxiety that comes from wondering about where he’s at like you know like he’s a timer or something and that’s one of the biggest things because it’s so because I would love to be able to tell you like guys who are nt you will always do this yeah which is yeah I can’t do that anymore and I thought I could in the beginning my career because I was
(43:37) dumb exactly what some experienced you started this even you’re doing this type of a job and you’re you’re talking about all of these things and more experience you get more could we talk to you realize very little is black-and-white like that very little of life is black and white like that and well it’s it’s once you understand that you approach things differently and you deal with people a little bit differently because everybody goes who’s going through their own thing and has their own experience and a lot of how
(44:05) they grew up and who they were around and what their parents were like we all that stuff’s Weis colleges always want to know what your childhood was like right because they’re and they’re wanting to know that baseline of where you’re coming from but absolutely you know what I’ve realized is that just you would like the best analogy I can have with this is when my mom God my dad bought my mom that ring doorbell you guys are okay doorbell he was you know and when you bought her that was a birthday or something like that you know
(44:36) so you can see people who come up to your door and it was so funny because after a few months my mom was almost more paranoid with it yes without it now you get a you know a little ring on your phone every deal people all around it like oh just saw this guy this weird guy walking up to my doorstep everyone looking I mean it meets all these with he’s suburban women so paranoid that it’s almost better than they just don’t know who’s coming to their door just so they can have some peace that’s what I hate you know I love
(45:07) me my friends kind of laugh about and I use that analogy because it’s it’s almost the same thing like when you have that question in your head if is he into me it’s almost gonna cause more paranoia then it is if you’re just allowing things to just happen the way they’re happening I know we’re always trying to find ways to make relationship relationships less risky and everything in life and their secure life exactly weird that’s just human nature and again a good good teachers don’t try to go
(45:38) around human nature they work with it yeah well in it you know it’s like snowflakes they’re all different but they’re all the same that’s kind of how it works so you know I could probably call what will happen pretty you know pretty regularly but it’s it’s about managing your anxiety most of the time and not doing things that in behaviors that are counterproductive you know really lots of times people will just would be better if they would do nothing and wait it out and just see what happens rather than
(46:09) you like trying to solve a problem that may or may not actually exist and the other thing is like if I’m gonna get metaphysical here you get what you think about you get what you expect and what you feel is the case about you and just going back to how we’re talking give it any tips for the man this is why experience is so important because I can name all five women who have really been interested in me but it didn’t all show up the same way one from well from day one she was on it you know from day one
(46:46) it was just like wow let’s go you know yeah another one it was two years later you know and you never knew never knew you know another one was like okay it was like your friends and you’re cool you even think it’s anything you’re just cool you know you’re just hanging out you know we’ve seen each other and all you know it’s it’s happened different in a different way outwardly every time it doesn’t miss a show up the same way everything about life because you go through these experiences to learn
(47:14) something but it’s a human nature to expect it to show up the exact same way the next time but okay I know what to do now and the principal will show right the principal will show up again but what it looks like externally will be different right and if you apply the same mindset to every situation you will get the same result right and so this is why this type of thing I could see that being so dangerous it’s because it’s saying if he doesn’t do this then every guy who didn’t do that is not that into
(47:46) you and now you’re going like Elizabeth just said if you’re thinking that then you’re going to treat the guy like he’s not that into you and you everyone knows what a woman is like what she thinks the guy she’s talking to it no longer interested whatever you know yeah fine everything’s good this is why we can be so shocked one day we’ll talk to you then you’re home demeanor your countenance has changed alright you’re just like whoa nothing has happened on your end but you can
(48:17) tell that so how did that happen how do you go from that to that if nothing is happening obviously and some other part in her life then if nothing you’ve done has been different what has happened something’s changed in her head right right yeah well it’s you know a lot of the time it could be not you or whatever but that how a woman is acting a lot of the time will have to do with their feelings this is one big things that’s hard to talk to guys about feeling the benign counterpoints are talking about
(48:45) feelings well no because that’s we don’t make decisions that way we are feeling like we is it so we just have a such different relationship to that that it’s not events it’s apples and oranges as much as you can get and so when you just like how when women get really struggle with men really struggle with women what they do isn’t rational yeah and if you’re gonna be dealing with women the way they function is feelings base and feelings aren’t rational a lot of the times okay it’s just what you just what
(49:23) you feel right just you know there’s a lot of different things to make you feel whatever it’s your feelings that they just are it’s not bad or good they just are rather neutral yes and so you know guys are trying to rationalize a lot of this is why you have guys a game set before you know who will you know have a breakup or give a divorce and they start rattling off all the things that they did as in these are the reasons why she should love me you know that’s rad yeah you know I’m a good father I performed I
(49:53) performed I was nice I you know brought her roses I had tampons in my pocket every time we went out all this stuff that guys say they get all frustrated cuz they don’t understand that it’s like like they’re you like here like here’s like a little boy to his mom here’s like I made this you know dirt sandwich for you mom why aren’t you happy I’m not happy Jonathan because you got a F in school right and he’s that’s how he starts to figure Ali well I don’t get it I’m doing this
(50:22) now though you know this should take care of everything I told you I love to 1986 what’s the problem I still do again like you said oh yeah I told her I love you that’s it it’s settled again for guys that’s how that’s how we that’s how the masculine works is what I take finding not finding pawns but coming it’s coming up on problem solving them and then moving on right yeah so the problem we solve this year sorry I’ve done it exactly we’ve solved this love issue why isn’t it settled you know and that’s why
(51:08) we keep don’t understand why this keeps having to be brought up anything that has to keep getting brought up is going to frustrate a man beyond this is the definition of nagging right is to keep bringing up some the same thing over and over again and guys don’t get why we can’t settle this that’s all guys are ever wanting to do is settle conflict because we don’t like conflict we don’t like fighting with you this is why we will lie to you guys lie to women to avoid conflict hey this is one of the
(51:37) big why doesn’t he just tell me he wasn’t interested in me because I told you I’m not interested in you and I want your best friend that’s gonna cause conflict and I don’t want to deal with that it doesn’t it’s not a problem at least I don’t that’s enough right that had that probably right I don’t want to have to have that problem women are time conscious right time means some to you why are women so much more concerned about whether guys into them that book was really wanted they
(52:08) really get on with women the whole idea of he’s done that into you because if I can identify a guy not being into me sooner I save time and I don’t have to waste my eggs on this and when you talk about guys do you talk about energy that’s all it’s about how do i conserve my energy so that I can continue to produce results me having this conversation about why I don’t want see you anymore is a waste of energy when I could just ghost you it’s not worth all the energy to explain it’s not
(52:40) gonna change anything it’s not gonna make you any happier for me to tell you why I’m not saying this is good or bad I’m just saying this is this is just a method of operation the method of operations it’s the thought I’m trying to save my energy you are trying to save your time right right because you have to have certain things in place you know before certain because at certain ages certain things start to change for you biologically then you can do about that that’s just a fact of life right and
(53:07) it’s the same thing for us I got to produce this result and I’m gonna need all the energy I can to be able to do this because that’s the masculine is masculine is producing results and so of course Energy’s gonna be our number one commodity it’s gonna be the number one thing that we are gonna care the most about we’re gonna be most you know adamant I’m making sure that we are not doing that this is why the number one frustration a guy is gonna say is like I just wasted my time that’s the most
(53:36) frustrating thing we feel like we’ve wasted our waste our energy I mean it’s just like like when we put a lot into something and we didn’t get you know thank you God will light up that’s why we get all mad when we either feel like we’re not appreciated because of pre-teen disrespect yeah disrespect is all not getting getting disrespected not getting appreciated is just to us it’s we put an energy that was wasted that’s so good well in women when one thing that rings true for me because
(54:08) when women complain they’re they’re more likely to say why a liqu is he wasting my time and men are likely to say like I put so much into this I’m not getting anything out of it exactly in its licit of a murdery statement with that that sounds Marjorie it’s more like I’m not producing the results and I’m not getting anything out of it it’s not like like get the violins out because I just amazing get so upset when their time is wasted this thing it’s so upsetting they spent two years on a guy who doesn’t
(54:42) want to marry them because that’s two years of reproductive the time yeah yeah it is well actually this is interesting cuz one of my favorite mentors dr. Pat Allen says that when it comes to actually having a really masculine man commit he will go away and come back a bunch of times and it’ll be frustrating and it will look a lot like he doesn’t care about you and she doesn’t ever say like it’s not that he doesn’t care about you but what he said what she says is that like because of what it requires in the surrender
(55:18) Department for a man to fall in love with you it will be a very difficult decision so it will it will be a lot of like asserting power and then leaving I don’t need you or care about you I can go and then they decide that actually you were important to them and then they come back it’s a big and that’s that I mean it that’s so true in terms of how we’re built because marriage isn’t our mating strategy right it’s not really great for anybody and it’s not popular to be a relationship coach and not care
(55:59) about marriage but well you know I mean III will admit it that I mean I could no never mind I just it’s one of those topics that is so divisive that when people want it they have a hard time under seeing any other perspective well 10 we are bred to like like think about this a certain way and it’s such a you know a difficult topic to go on because it’s not up to me for you to want different stuff you know I’m the coach you know it’s not my job to be like you know I don’t know about that but like my job is to help you
(56:47) reach your goals right and so if I’m like you know in the relationship world and I’m like I don’t know if that’s a goal that is more important than other goals then that’s hard for people to really like digest or take reasonable criticism on right and again like say we can excise there’s so much I like said the whole marriage issues well because I mean I got a unique I’m saying unique to plenty of people no teachers and counselors but one of the biggest thing you know people who are teachers
(57:19) and counselors that like elementary schools and just you know schools in general I guess one of the biggest things that they have to struggle with is the fact that when you have kids a large number of kids who are coming from you know broken homes as they say right or just not you know where the parents aren’t together that does affect how kids you know are when it come when they get to their classroom and all of that so there’s all that that can go into as well and so there’s a lot of different
(57:48) element again you know there’s definitely would be an interesting discussion but you know again as far as this this this whole idea of what this old dating thing when it comes to he’s not that end to you this is why you do need to know a little bit about your own biology you know your own makeup this is why I think it’s so important for you to be aware of not only your emotional nature your spiritual nature but also your evolutionary nature because all this stuff plays a part and how we go about it and no one talks about it we
(58:24) don’t give the evolutionary so cuz it’ll evolutionary side is raw right and I get that I understand cuz when you ask a woman which is looking forward to the man’s you talk to not Gen tell you about which is attracted to from the evolutionary side of it it doesn’t sound good no it’s not like resources I’m attracted to resources no that’s not that’s a horrible message apparently and then we’re not allowed to say that right the drug dealers code language we like him to have a good job you know
(59:00) what we all know what you’re saying there it’s not a mystery but we’re just not allowed to say what really and and neither men you know it’s not cool to be like well I really think that 22 year old beautiful women who are very productively compatible with everybody and they’re just you know gushing the right hormones and they just look totally like they could carry a very healthy baby I like it’s not popular for to be like that that that’s what I want so it’s neither one of us can really
(59:32) admit in polite society what what really evolutionarily is attractive to us right but think we have this podcast because we’re gonna let you know that this is very much a part of how we found it you need to understand you need to accept it it’s not a dirty thing it just is again a lot of the stuff is not bad organ or nothing it’s just it just is right it’s when knowledge is power like once you know the how to play your scales and music then you can improvise right you know like once you know how like the
(1:00:04) other side is gonna act and what they’re probably gonna do you don’t have to know everything but if you know where they might be at evolutionarily you can understand a lot of their behavior and also D personalize it so you can be like well okay it makes sense that he went away because he’s feeling a lot of shame he just lost his job he has absolutely nothing to offer me and he feels horrible about that so he’s gone away yeah it’s not like a cool thing to give anybody any slack but you can do it
(1:00:35) better and then you can understand people better if you’re willing to understand the process that goes behind everything oh absolutely absolutely this for the ladies this will help you save time if you save energy that’s what we’re trying to do I know because if we you know this is why you need to listen to Elizabeth new new series because this is what she’s talking about she’s gonna help because you know you’re gonna be a billionaire because you can help women save time in a way that’s not so you know okay we get
(1:01:11) the heater after three days of no I know the he’s not he’s God wasn’t coming from a bad place no he wasn’t he was a very well-meaning human cuz he was trying to save you time he was just doing it with with a sledgehammer instead of like a you know a conductors I can’t think of what they use but that stick and remember what it comes to guys cuz of guys think they’re simple that’s all we don’t realize how fun of me not simple we are to women because why we think we’re so simple is because we understand
(1:01:51) each other’s motivations you cannot see my motivation as a woman you can only go off of my behavior all right that’s all you had cuz you don’t need never been a guy you dare you never know you don’t know it’s like to be a guy you don’t know was like to have this much testosterone in your bloodstream there’s no way for you to know that just like there’s no wave no matter how much I’ve been around them don’t my sex with I cannot be a woman you know I just can’t do it
(1:02:16) and so you can only imagine what it might be like and you may get you know ten percent of the way there right I could get some whack and hit it maybe every now and then but I don’t need that but you know need to understand women on that level is it necessary for us great well that’s it that’s why it’s Union Yang you know that’s why we have a little bit of each of the other energy source inside the circles there because you know you can only understand it’s the extent at which you can and if you
(1:02:41) tend to go more over to the other polarity side then maybe you can understand it more but you know either way you’re kind of flying blind when it comes to what the other person is really thinking and how they feel exactly in order for he’s just not that into you to really have been what I think he really wanted it to be you would have needed to understand motive our motivations it’s and your how your feelings work because I just had a lightning bolt moment which is why I want to interrupt you I’m really sorry
(1:03:12) go ahead know what it is is that he was trying to explain the feelings of a generation of men who weren’t explaining their feelings because he’s just not into you as the statement like okay he did he is not gonna tell you that he’s not interested so I’m gonna do it for you or for him because he’s not willing to share his feelings which is I mean a very common masculine trait so I’m gonna do it for you and I’m gonna save you time by doing it which is one of the reasons why it was so popular hit it on
(1:03:51) the head I mean you hit that like oh I just I mean in any it’s supposed to be comforting right principal like it’s you know you’re supposed to feel better because and it’s cuz you’re not wasting your time anymore which is a very masculine male way of thinking about it like I’m gonna I’m gonna actually like save these women I’m gonna help them like Andy does it he did think about it like that he didn’t you know he was not a nefarious you know character when he went on Oprah or anything more he was
(1:04:19) like really like you know that was why it was such a popular message this makes more sense now actually because I’m talking through myself right she’s in real it’s how we think it’s like okay she every time she could she’s having to cut up every single vegetable so for Christmas I’m gonna get her you know a blender so happy like she does she can do what took her 20 minutes to do with two minutes like she’s gonna be so excited about this easier I just got her a ring doorbell so she can you know be
(1:04:52) safe from intruders cuz he’s really trying to protect her yeah it’s very sweet protective but you know I’m like at one point I had this argument this is you know in a land far far away and the argument was that I did not think electronics were romantic gifts I was like I think it’s super nice that you want to give me like whatever elect piece of electronics you want to give me but I don’t actually like that but you have a new iPhone but this is gonna make things so much easier for you so that’s why I was like no I wanted to
(1:05:30) I want a necklace like this great and we’re like that the whole point of it it’s like a flower blooming like the whole point of it to us is like right exactly what am I gonna do with it like another author that I follow Lorna Johnson who’s a very interesting person um wrote one of the interesting things she said was that women were worthless works of art you know we’re totally useless works of art and it stuck with me because of the visual is so perfect because it you know priceless you know worthless at the same time priceless
(1:06:09) works yeah yeah she didn’t say where this works of art because it it really is how it kind of works like we are completely priceless but on the other hand no function is gonna be gained from the necklace right the worthless aspect of it is there’s no there’s like why are you doing that you know like men wonder all the time like why is she doing that why she bothering with that that’s inefficient I would not bother with that that’s a waste of time and see this and again this goes back one thing I’ve
(1:06:41) learned about women is that women are the great incubators of life a container you know whatever I want from a woman I have to give her the seat of it because just like biologically if I have sex with the woman and I give her a seed in nine months she’s gonna take that seat she’s gonna cultivate it and multiply it and give me back a baby it’s like that meme it’s like if you give woman [ __ ] you’ll end up with a ton of it right that’s exactly yeah whatever you’re gonna give a woman she’s gonna multiply
(1:07:06) it whether it’s good or bad you know nurture it incubate it and give it back to you yeah and so it’s and again guys were the producers our job is to produce the scene this is why it’s so important to understand this because this is the good news produce it well and think about it like an investment not like a one-time deal and women you cannot think of guys as investments that will go very badly that’s actually the premise of Greg’s book you know kind of like we don’t keep investing your your resources when he’s
(1:07:45) not putting anything into it like don’t chase him is what he’s saying he’s saying don’t be the man and this is the thing is your and it’s said that because that’s really it’s it’s interesting how this thing is is the whole i premise if he’s not that into you is so great on front enough for people like us i guess because it’s that it’s almost a paradox in a way because there’s there’s this a shop it’s he was trying to let women know that we will deal with to you even
(1:08:21) though we are not that into you right and that’s just and and he was on letting women know that you can be caught up in the guy who’s dealing with you but not be at the level of commitment essentially right yeah very slow because if you’re acting in a feminine way which is maintaining the container and not pursuing a man then you’re not gonna have to deal with this crap like you don’t have to worry about it because he’s either just gonna go away and never come back or he’s gonna come keep coming toward you even if it’s
(1:08:54) low and this is what’s so dangerous about chemistry because anything is gonna get women out of her feminine it’s chemistry yes yes the glue oh my god and see that’s i guess if there’s anything that i’m where my approach to women comes in this is where it comes in because I only deal with women will come out of there they need to come out of there you almost absent I mean you don’t almost you have to know what you’re doing to an order people are listening for Roberts dating advice that’s a
(1:09:35) that’s a bad set of slippery slope to go down if you don’t understand why that’s the case and you already don’t have something so like that’s the advanced jazz move instead of it playing the scales explain this is why I don’t talk about because I know you need to be able to flip that energy right and know what happening to you know what’s happening and because you can you don’t want her to stay there see a lot of guys would think the ultimate level of game is to have women pursue
(1:10:08) you but as we I don’t want to go through all then you’re right like you’re gonna say that’s not the case but and that’s not the case right not the case because you will not like her masculine image for too long you’re not gonna want them and you you will not be able to maintain an erection you’ll be generally unhappy with your life like this is not a small matter if you pick out somebody who already started out by pursuing you and you’re not comfortable being in your feminine which yes you can pick pick
(1:10:38) pick your side you know it doesn’t matter which you know when you pick you just have to pick one well being in your feminine and you have a very masculine counterpart and you’re both in your masculine you’re gonna end up very unhappy and you’re gonna feel disrespected and you’re not gonna feel like worthy and you’re gonna have a real problem later on you might not be getting cuz you’re gonna feel flattered everybody feels flattering they get you know down the road though major major
(1:11:10) problems you know what I’m gonna say something real about to say summers right now oh but exact this is what I believe because I’m a Christian I know people know that I’m Christian I that’s a very very important part of my life I didn’t know that well thank you yeah I mean it’s not something that I boasted that are talked about a lot because it’s so personal to me Matt or either way to me I mean I don’t care I just didn’t know no I know I’m just for just for the sake of clarity
(1:11:46) but this is what I believe that what the Bible’s meant when it’s the whole issue of gay marriage comes back to all the conservatives the trad cons and is this issue over the Bible says that you know gay you know gay is bad this doesn’t go through the whole bit is it all comes back but when to me this is what I think it meant by it is that it’s wrong to have two of the same energies two of the same energies cannot work it’s not saying to men can’t work together is it you both cannot be in the same energy see a
(1:12:21) relationship does not care who brings what it just needs both yeah and this and this is why it’s so controversy obviously for all these reasons but you start talking about why two people can’t get together outside of the reproductive are you know realities of why you need you know one man and one woman but from the standpoint of what I’m not I don’t get thrown that’s not an issue that I’m gonna get all crazy about I don’t get crazy about that issue I don’t think you’re going to hell if you’re gay I
(1:12:56) don’t think that you kill you’re not loved if you’re a gay because I understand that it’s not going to work with two people whoever it is if you’re in the same energy it’s not a sin I don’t believe it’s it’s saying that this is wrong for the sake of being wrong it’s saying that try it try being in the masculine energy and dealing with the woman who is in hers go ahead like it’s yeah you’re gonna have it that you’re gonna have a bad time and even when you do see homosexual
(1:13:28) couples one you clear the top and a bottom there’s way it works is I mean they when you know what I when I spoken to them I’ve I haven’t coached very many people but when I have if understanding which energy sources are trying to attract makes it possible to do the coaching that’s I mean very simple like it makes it possible to because who are you trying to get and what what is their motivation and it doesn’t that’s why these concepts apply to everybody because it isn’t just about gender here
(1:14:05) it’s about you know yin and yang really so it’s about that complementary aspect of life we were bad man your men and women whoever we were both given what the other person does not have that’s the definition of a partnership I can’t partner with somebody who does is bring to the table the same thing that I’m bringing to the table time had to partner with Warner right there’s no point of them partner we people who do the exact same thing if you have this company you know you’re gonna need
(1:14:35) marketing so you’re gonna need a marketing company when you both come together boom it’s magic right it’s the partnership partnership requires difference you cannot have partnership if you both do the Zach same thing that’s not a partnership that’s just friendship have a great time sitting on the couch together like you know you can have a wonderful time with people are in the same polarity as you as long as you aren’t trying to mate with them or have chemistry with them or keep anything
(1:15:02) going no you can have great relationships with people other people like you me and my old friendships are this exactly the situation we’re living in the same polarity and it works for our friendship we’re not trying that get with each other but I tell you know that’s it works and same sex yeah you know relationships cuz you guys understand each other you guys have again you understand each other’s motivations you understand you don’t have to explain as much to another woman as you would to me okay you could say
(1:15:31) thanks and you know if you want to call and just talk you don’t have to explain that to her you know you call me so I just want to sit and just talk for a few hours and be like wool okay you know what for why you know what what are we trying to get accomplished do we really need three hours or can we get this done in like ten minutes you know is this more of an adjustment or a full rebuild right like what are we gonna be giving an accomplished in that three hours cuz I need some some result to be produced
(1:15:58) okay but again it’s it’s the polarity is so important it’s so important that you understand because you won’t get in the friend zone anymore if you’re a guy if you understand this not because if you want to be friends with whoever is you’re friends with fine but understand that friendzone guys are guys who are hunting in same polarity as the woman you’re the guy that she’s talking to you for four or five six hours and that’s great you know that’s a good relationship but if you’re trying to
(1:16:31) have something romantic that’s not the polarity you need to be in right so well polarity is covered in love block number seven in my love seven love blogs masterclass and it’s in lesson three everybody it’s the final lesson because it’s the final lesson I you know I should have made it first as I’m as I’m thinking about it now out loud I should have actually made it first because it’s so striking but the reason I kept it for last was because that’s the real gold like that’s the I mean and all of them
(1:17:07) are and they’re all important and you will you know benefit from understanding each of these but the one at the end is the one where you know if you only know that one you’re gonna make it when you eat when you start talking about how that book could really have been written for men because I know he was talking about it I completely understand the place that he was speaking from because it’s so obvious to us when we’re not that into you right it’s so obvious when we see other men who are not that into their girls
(1:17:47) and so you want to take that and let women know like look this is you know how do I transfer this information to women I’m gonna do it like a guy does it which is directly right right and that’s because he was willing to say what nobody had really said in that exact way and he was willing to do it to the an audience that hadn’t heard it put that like that before that’s why I was so successful with it the problem is that and I know why that’s that’s tasty that’s tasty information right yeah it’s
(1:18:20) supposed to solve all your problems but you’re giving in then you’re giving the information but you’re not giving them the nuances of how we function and so if a girl comes to me and says like oh he hasn’t done this or he’s doing this you know he’s not that into it I would be like wait a minute cuz I would want I wouldn’t need more information I know I could not just say he’s not that into you cuz he hasn’t talked to you in a couple days I don’t think I don’t think those diagnosis is
(1:18:47) anymore either alright so because it doesn’t help anything it does it it really doesn’t because there’s not you there’s there’s no way for you to know that three for you to truly be so it’s just not helpful it’s not an effective way of truly weeding out who is not genuinely not interested in you I mean again only only really experience can really give you the instinct the intuition that you need that you’re really gonna that’s gonna be more helpful to you than anything else I
(1:19:19) don’t care who has what information you’re listening to ultimately your own intuition is really good I don’t need to be your guide because I don’t care what Elizabeth and how I have to say no matter how wise and right and truthful and how clear we make it if you have enough chemistry for a guy what we say is going out the door I mean and I just mean that in the sense that ultimately this is gonna be your responsibility right ultimately this stuff man or woman you’re gonna have to be responsible for
(1:19:49) your own behave and if you don’t if you’re not in that frame of mind of taking responsibility then again without that foundation we can’t build anything off of that because sure it’s you know you could write in a question and be like well he’s doing this of course it looks like you should break up with them but I don’t know his side of it I don’t know really what the context of the situation I don’t know what you’ve done yeah because everyone’s question makes them look like they’re the ones being
(1:20:18) the video and you know the did you refer back to my master class like such a dork no I and the reason is that I wanted to mention that like fear and doubt is one of the love blocks actually less than one and one of the reasons is that people act differently when they you know we’re in that place like you just said you know they’re in and if I you know break this lightning bolt of news to you that your person doesn’t really love you even though you really love them you’re gonna act horrible like
(1:20:55) you’re not gonna be able to be an athlete about this like you’re not gonna be able to you know like keep your poker face on and if you lose a point you know just keep going or you know just see if you can work the situation out or give it some time you’re not gonna do any of that stuff you’re gonna you’re gonna just go straight to the nuclear option which is either confronting them about it as if they’re gonna love you more once you confront them or you’re just gonna you know totally go away in shame and not
(1:21:25) give anything time to develop all right just like I mean imagine somebody coming up to you and being like you know I think my boyfriend is you know not that into me or whatever and you’d be traveling off the things reasons you say you’re right he’s not into you he doesn’t love you can we go get some ice cream now no doesn’t work for coaching and it doesn’t work for friendship because people empathize with that you know they want you to feel they want to feel like you get where they’re at and then they want
(1:21:56) to know a strategy like they do not they they might sound like they want you to give them a final determination on it but I found that that’s relatively rare what they want is in their in your experience can you see hope and there’s very few times that I can’t which is why I can do this job but I you know there have been there are some times you know there are times but even when even in those times the correct message is not run away like for me to say that to somebody and what I mean by that is
(1:22:34) people are resistant and they they often do the opposite of what you say I mean the thing is though for the fellows though it’s it’s kind of because for fellows because we are the wrong see giving women that hope is so important if you’re talking about coaching and ice completely understand and see where you’re coming from and like I said very few times do you really believe this needs to be and this is yeah this is a good difference between coaching men and women actually that’s a good that’s a
(1:23:04) good point because men are able to take that message a lot differently than women will because women are going to ultimately kind of amalgamate everything and then operate in their own direction much like art okay well they will like put it all in the container it will percolate you know well whatever will happen and then they will a result will occur is the best way to put it man will you insert information man will do result you know and and they get a lot of times for men as well is that like we have to be tough with guys and
(1:23:40) we’re you’re persistent I love that about men like you’re consistent persistent you know when you’re when you’re really in a good hormonal place she can be very determinate and I love that about men but it also means that we can’t be like we have to just get the the facts sometimes yes you have the other sex and you can you have to be vigilant with guys because guys this is one look at football coaches and how football coaches deal with football players everybody always yelling and screaming and cussing they’re very mean
(1:24:09) think of either the military think of any you know arena where that’s male-dominated and look at how those teachers of men deal with men well coaches I often try to treat women this way it always just sets me on edge yeah there you go you cannot you cannot go about women that way but you have to go away I told women all the time like well I’m if my boyfriend hasn’t gotten a job yeah and he’s playing video game you know video games all day how can I help him yeah yeah walkway it’s even that’s your only turn
(1:24:42) into like a CEO of a bank or something if you do it quick like no let like to what we were all the time let him struggle he has to get you know you have two lovely little boy like no let little Johnny figure it out he’s crying he’s like no because he’s going that’s a part of his masculinity like if he doesn’t learn how to do that now if he takes the same behavior into trying to date women he is going to get completely blown out completely it’s not it’s gonna be so bad on so and what every woman is dealt with
(1:25:14) a guy like that how unattractive it is to get guy who is like that like it’s probably the most attract on a track of things in a man that that any woman’s ever told me about it’s just it’s almost disgusting to be even more with it because as a guy you have that yin and yang you have to bring that element to the table this is why it’s so important for fathers to be involved in their children’s lives this is why you do need men in a men’s way of going about things for your chose especially
(1:25:45) for your boys because this is where we come in like no she does not like you she does not want you she wants bad boy Johnny and she thinks she’s hot and he wants to have sex with them and all the dirty things she wants to do with him she does not want to do and women would be horrified by me saying that well and the other thing about it is that there’s a reason behind that message oh yes I mean you know there’s again another hour explaining why it’s important to be able to give that information directly and as
(1:26:25) raw as possible because that’s how that’s the only thing that gets us to get it you know I mean we don’t get it any other way because if you give us a way out we’re gonna take it yeah and that’s why there could be so dangerous for men because you keep calm leanness that we can stay coddled for a lifetime and there’s nothing like a grown man who has like a child well and you know the the feminine power is the power no so we like we you don’t need anything else if you have no like serious heart no you
(1:26:59) don’t need anything else right so if you are like we’re already like on the edge of saying no all the time or already you know but in order to really like stay in the place where you’re holding the container and you’re holding up to the standard what you have to do is reject anything that doesn’t meet your standards so you don’t instead of being like okay we’re gonna you know get you where you need to be if you’re in the like video gaming no job place which is what a lot of people do is they like
(1:27:35) well if I just stick around long enough you know when he when he writes motivational things on the mirror I can tell he’s motivated know if you leave him then he will maybe turn into a respectable person that can cherish you but he won’t be able to treat you the way that you’re hoping for if he’s not in the opposite polarity which is why leaving him is the answer but it’s not the same on the other edge like the that advice does not apply the other polarity source like believing a woman because
(1:28:05) she’s not performing we shall never forgive you thank his performance that’s like like leaving a woman for non-performance like we’re not made to perform like that’s dumb you know if you leave her because she doesn’t have a good enough job like you’re not gonna convince her that she needs to then go out in the world and make something of herself that’s not the way that though our mind works we just know you don’t love us anymore and then that’s not gonna ever work like that we’ll just
(1:28:33) close the door tighter you can’t be better by leaving her you can motivate a man too this is why so many like when you walk away from a woman you gotta walk away not to motivate her okay but because the opposite movie that’s not the way to motivate it better be about you that’s why if you’re walking away it better be about you right because it’s not again that’s just not it’s not effective right and it’s not really the way men work anyway like men don’t really think about it like that because
(1:29:03) of what we were talking about before with the way that men love so if you love unconditionally you’re not like oh you didn’t do the dishes enough time that’s time to go like you know the men that I know who the game goes back to Fran who whole frame well are willing to walk away and that’s not the exact same thing you know standards exactly versus performance performance manipulation tactics trying to get someone to do something yeah that’s a great point because the standard like I will walk away if this
(1:29:38) isn’t working for me is a reason that they would go right but it’s not the same reactive thing no I told there’s a difference and I again to be this is a part of the whole dating tip so that I said I think it’s in the last show is that you have to be if you’re going to hold to this if you’re gonna get your stuff together you’re gonna hold your frames you’re going to do these things that are about you really none of my dates is really about about women right they were really talking about how to directly deal with
(1:30:08) with actual women is that this is the the world you need to keep you this is how you build your kingdom right this is how you set up your fortress and all those things that are true for you and and be able to come at it from that place of stability but understand that you’re going to lose women as a result of that good women pretty women if you’re doing it right because again you’re gonna that means if you’re doing this right when you go and when a woman comes in to Baskin Robbins you’re gonna
(1:30:40) be mint chocolate chip now yours that’s what you are you no longer but you know and so now the women that come in who don’t want mint chocolate chip are not gonna you know you know okay I’m gonna die it’s almost the same metaphor that I make in there and we’ve never talked about this before that’s right but that’s what’s that’s so important to understanding this it’s like look this is what I’m bringing to the table and and when you’re able to do that as a guy
(1:31:20) you know guys who are good with women choose right see guys who the girls or guys who think other guys who are really good with women outside of the fact that they may just be really attractive they think they’re really good at taking women from zero to a hundred and that’s the misnomer about all those that’s like beating women off of the stick everywhere you go yeah you’re going around you see a hot girl you talk to where you get over to that zero and now that’s not no guys were a good with
(1:31:51) women essentially understand what they understand the attractiveness level to them needs to be at a certain place already okay in the inner-city investment too they understand invent they understand they choose right yeah and this is why it looks like they are able to get they’ll how do you get these girls to do this a lot of times you talk to a guy like this why it’s so hard for me to explain it because it’s it’s natural it’s hard to explain it because I would never deal with the type of girl that
(1:32:22) you are dealing with not because there’s anything inherently wrong with the girl is that it’s clear she’s not into you if she’s clear she’s not responding to you with any kind of real chemistry it’s clear that every time you try to talk to her she’s you know not really trying to see she’s not I mean they’re all these red flags at any you know I guess high quality guy wouldn’t notice immediately like why I have you know they have girls responding to them like that too they’re
(1:32:49) just not that’s not who the girls are they’re putting their energy they get it I okay she’s not into me and true guys aren’t even rude about it this is why women still it’s always the [ __ ] like no those guys are usually not the [ __ ] it’s usually the nice guys right the nice guys are the worst guys with the nice cuts without the good guts it’s the nice guys overt all right I always get those mixed up it’s a nice guys are the the tears because they will get rejected and they will just like a
(1:33:15) woman have a collar [ __ ] and you know all these terrible things because they’re you know they’re their ego got rocked right that’s the martyrdom in action like I did all this for you and you’re not putting out right I don’t get it it’s like know whoever’s guys goes right I’ve been rejected plenty of times plenty of times like that is not you know actually that’s a prerequisite to be able to speak to these issues it really is you have to there’s no way to go through this and talk about it or
(1:33:45) have any experience because rejection is such a huge part of it and rejection isn’t so much always about just like okay why don’t I get rejected I know I said you know next time i’ma say you know there so that’s it’s not that silly stuff that you get from a lot of pickup artists is that kind of stuff know what it really is it’s like okay I know now why I shouldn’t have even gone farther than as far as I should could she was already letting me know from day one that it wasn’t really there right right and so
(1:34:15) it’s those type of things cuz we want to be able to just you know the pickup bar doesn’t tell you you can just choose whoever you want you can get her would just you know these three simple tricks no it doesn’t work that way all the guy all the guys that you think are great with women even outside of their looks are great because they even instinctually they start to pick up who to put their energy into and that goes back to that energy thing it’s not that they don’t deal with rejection is not
(1:34:41) that they don’t deal with with women flaking on them or ghosting on them or cheating on them it’s none of that stuff it’s at the end of the day it’s like look these you know when it works it works when a woman’s kind of in this cup of a space with me if so I’m gonna start dealing with women who seem to be in this type of a space with me sometimes it’s obvious day one sometimes you need a week but after a while you start to pick up like okay this is a woman I can put my energy to cuz she’s almost these
(1:35:07) women are my only options see the world smart wise men realized that the world is not you don’t have options with every woman you only have options with women who really you know see you a certain way who feel about you a certain way and once you kind of make peace with that there’s an abundance of it I think they read this crazy stat they said that like every person there’s at least like a hundred fifty thousand people that would find you attractive like no matter who you are and I just like well you know
(1:35:36) and it’s an abundance issue there’s plenty of people who will want mint with chip there’s but there’s also a lot of women who don’t like the will never want to touch it not because there’s anything inherently wrong with mint chocolate if they want chocolate cool KFC doesn’t try to be McDonald’s they don’t try to sell hamburgers they don’t try to sell hot dogs we do chicken so if you want chicken come here and I believe there’s enough people who will want chicken on
(1:36:02) any given day for us to make a profit and voila you know no one in the KFC’s family will ever have to work again their children won’t have to work again their children’s shows will never because they put their flag in the ground I would like one of my roommates says you gotta let your freak flag five what is it that we get when we get cheap plant that thing in the ground and do you do your thing sure learn some game take care of yourself you know you know do the practical and the pragmatic but understand that as a man like this is
(1:36:32) this is how you need to set your world up because anything else is just it was just gonna leave you just bitter and hating women because because you’re hating them for something that they cannot be right so that’s my little smell I think that was great and I agree with it you know I don’t think you have to worry about that today you know decide about tomorrow that was excellent and I agree with that because if you’re not if you it’s just like sales and marketing really like you cannot you don’t have the time to serve
(1:37:11) as every single customer in the world for anything like you just don’t you just don’t have the ability to do that and if you even if you could and so that’s why I like just spending your time and effort on the people that are right for you or that you have a chance of you know really succeeding with is the best way to do it so like discernment is really key which is why you should get rejected more you know it’s also funny about what you just said how you just talking about how I referenced the number one the first
(1:37:41) thing I have on my notes for tonight where this is about discerning listens by accident not even knowing what you were getting at but I just you know I always appreciate our discussions no absolutely you know and that’s like a great way just to end this show for tonight but to bring it all together it’s a discernment there’s a strategy and I’m doing my little air quotes it would be it’s a discerning strategy you guys have to go from net throwing to seeing what sticks to discernment there’s just a certain you can’t point
(1:38:25) out everywhere you can’t give you an energy to everything it’s just you have to approach this from a discerning standpoint discern who put your energy into because this whole child like guys come in like oh I really like her though so what that I mean that’s a kid I sixteen year old like yes you’re sixteen I get that you know but now it’s time to grow up and being an adult is a big part of being adult is knowing how to manage your time know how to manage your energy and your limited resources even if you’re a billionaire
(1:39:00) you still have to manage your resources and manage your time and manage your energy Jeff Bezos can’t do everything you know he can’t be everywhere he can’t be solving every problem okay he needs to be able to if you can’t do everything you need to hire somebody who can take care of that because you can’t be everything you’re job is to run the company the end of the day you’re the head guy you are the head guy in your life you’re the head guy you have your own personal Kingdom that you are the
(1:39:26) king of how what does your kingdom look like right so if you’re gonna bring a woman into that what is she coming into absolutely that’s perfect that’s a great way that’s great to sum that up and to sum up your amazing strategies for dating there you go so yeah if I never hear this again so directive advice is not really your thing from what I gather no really is it I’m a conversational that’s full and full man I just I just wanted to let’s just discuss it and then whatever you can get from it I want you
(1:39:59) to get from it but it’s like I’m fighting like tooth and nails to never go down that road not because I think it’s anything wrong with it it’s just not me right yeah and that’s a holding the frame issue that’s a hole in the frame issue so thank you guys for tuning in I really appreciate it Elizabeth leads me back to new year 2020 we’re doing it I’m so excited once again if you don’t I mean well if you don’t mind and you don’t get the chance or you do get the chance I don’t
(1:40:30) know what I’m saying I’m nervous about this master class because I’ve never done it before I know the material cold but it is NFS love master class calm and it is totally free for about the next two weeks so go check it out get it in man it was like jamming descendant I’m Robert I’m sorry cuz I’m good I’ll never you know I’m always gonna be riding with people who are trying to do something new trying to do something in their you know with their lives and trying to put them out into the world that’s it’s
(1:41:04) bigger than them but again that’s how I created my own life I want to attract that because I’m not gonna be attractive to that if I’m not that I’m in some way on some level and so you keep telling you guys you have much more control or things than you realize not control over people but if I want higher quality people I want to be a more I gotta be a more high quality guy I don’t if I attract smart intelligent beautiful women then that means that I’m doing something right okay I don’t try to do
(1:41:43) it through tricks and manipulation much I do all that’s way too much work putting all that working and trying to learn something if you just win in the gym you could you know you there’s thirty thousand dollars you get to save you know if you just read a few books if you listen to somebody who knows a little bit something more than you do you know I mean it’s if you’re willing to put in the work there’s nothing you can have what everybody else has absolutely well I agree again thank you guys to really appreciate it they can go
(1:42:14) to our website the Orion group podcast calm but other than that I hope you guys enjoy your night day wherever you are in the world and we will speak with you next time Thank You Elizabeth thank you Robert