Modern Dating Tips For Men Part 3

(This transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy.)

hey what’s going on guys welcome to the Orion group podcast. We do you know I’m fantastic how are you good I’m thrilled to be here we always have such a good time thank you guys I appreciate website the podcast comm he took all of it but as promised we will continue with my hidden tips fantastic I’m super excited I was hoping you would you know this was kind of been almost a laying some groundwork but I think tonight I want to get into more or you say more but more specifically I guess would be the
(00:33) strategy some strategies that I implement which I should been hesitant to say because nevertheless well if you try one tell the tell the woman that it’s Roberts strategy I have to credit this to Robert because you know and this our first couple shows really been kind of talking about our foundational like we started off we’re talking about purpose alright like I said before before I would talk to any guy I want to talk to him about bourbon as we go along you should hopefully be starting to see now that with women the best thing you
(01:13) can do is to work on you but specifically when you start looking at what really is attractive to it and what is arousing to women remember there’s a difference so we talked about that a lot of these things were are or characteristics that you can build as you’re building yourself it’s kind of just something that will happen naturally as you build you and that’s the great news that’s good news so you’re not so constantly focusing externally on the external things because when you’re constantly focusing
(01:51) on the external things then this is how you get into bad places women this is how man can become in cells and cells are just guys who think that they are so not qualified for all of the things that they that are external that they have no chance that all the things that they necessarily can’t control are you know and because they can’t control them because they essentially really do much about them then there’s no hope right they’ve counted themselves out of the dating market right and so the good news for every guy out there is
(02:23) that you know you can do the things – there’s things you can do or all the things that you should be doing really do have a must I say well B will affect your relationship with women will affect how you are attractive to women and that’s to me the greatest news that I could give you that is in your control most most of it is in your control because at end of the day no matter what you are how successful you are how good-looking you are you’re never gonna be attractive to all women right nobody is nobody it just doesn’t work that way
(02:59) and so when you try to be I actually read a review today on the new Star Wars movie and one of the things that one of the writers said about it was it tried to be everything to everybody that is the kiss of death not recipe for success well and sometimes we have to really talk ourselves out of that – because it’s easy to say like oh I’m limiting myself by only only wanting this one thing or all my innards are too high wrong wrong wrong limit yourself because you don’t need a lot of quality things
(03:39) sorry we’re gonna go to a high level again everybody is not your flavor and that’s okay that’s okay and that’s honestly actually you know what I want to do initially is kind of expand upon what we were talking about in regards to frame yeah cuz there were some questions about this and a lot of the questions I got from guys or kind of comments from guys about this had to do with essentially like I want this girl so what kind of frame do I need to have to get this specific girl shapeshifter [Laughter]
(04:29) right well this is that what happens when you do it badly that the shapeshifter method is bad don’t do it that way because you have to understand as a man when you have an established frame and you understand importance of maintaining and holding a frame you are going to lose and you should and you should pity me sorry I’m sorry but your abundance mindset and a scarcity again soap because you cannot do a lot of these things with the scarcity mindset and now and I know we’ve hit that a lot and I know that that’s almost common sense to
(05:13) a little but when we talk about abundance mindset we’re talking about really largely as a man the ability to let think of to let opportunity go cuz why there’s one thing to have an opportunity but the top-level master level is when you’re able to even have a good opportunity to come through and still say because you finally gotten to a point where you realize this is who I am this is my frame this is what’s true for me with all things and it’s just not a fit right all right I mean it’s it’s
(05:47) just a bit it’s not that the opportunity isn’t good it’s just not a fit you realize and you finally trust me all your experiences that tell you when it’s not a fit it’s not gonna work no matter what you try no matter what Hollow you try to spin it and do all the crazy stuff ultimately it’s always gonna come down to the majority of the time it said that there there Neath a gen you fit and not just a women for every I known people who’ve gone through like the Academy for Cle become a policeman or a
(06:21) firefighter and they gotten to the very end but the guy just it just didn’t feel right was what he was pursuing wrong absolutely not was he doing the work and do all things yes but the end of the day it didn’t feel true to right so that’s yeah absolutely well and I think that that’s a really good point about kind of knowing who you are and the difference between stretching and also knowing yourself and honoring who you really are your standards because there’s a difference between saying to
(06:53) yourself okay I have to be the person in order to get this this human to like me which is the shapeshifter method and then there’s and then there’s gosh you know I actually feel the need to become a better person in general because I’m in this person’s presence and they feel different and I know that like they feel different it’s a real nebulous thing but it’s true that you can be around people who inspire you to be your best and we’re never telling you like nope stick with being mediocre because that’s who
(07:27) you are that’s not it it’s that you should not look at somebody else and think that you have to change who you are to be with them it should be that they maybe inspire you or that you’re better together but you’re the raw materials are all there this is Zach I love you said raw materials because so many times I’ve said that that’s how it shows up it shows up in raw material but we keep looking for a completed project alright great and they’re not it doesn’t work like that it doesn’t work that when
(07:56) a true chef can go in your refrigerator or your pantry right now and grab something you know that you think is you think you don’t have anything but the true chef can see that I could take this mixing with that and cut to that boom we can make a little bit of something that will be decent enough you know yeah right and that’s a perception because that’s the corner of the universe they come right this is exactly why you when you have a good when you meet somebody that that has those raw materials and
(08:29) you have that right perception you can see how that is what you’re needing or what they’re needing to become whatever it is they’re going to become or whatever type of relationship you’re trying to have right and so there’s really importance in terms of perception because how you see a thing it’s how you’re gonna go about it right how you gonna this is the whole thing when it comes to one man’s trash is another man’s treasure that’s a perception that’s what exactly
(08:56) what we’re talking about there’s perception how can you be trash to somebody else and treasure it onto another person’s perception they see you like treasure or one person sees you like trash it doesn’t mean that you’re one or the other yeah and and also the Pygmalion effect is the name for this so this is when you decide how people are gonna be and then they live up to that and that had that’s been proven like there was a study where these people took two groups of people and then they took rats and they told
(09:28) one group of people that the rats were really smart rats and they’re really special rats and they were really you know great at what they did and then they just I can’t remember if he told the other people they had dumb rats or they just didn’t say anything well at the end of the test the smart rat people so the coach the coaches of the smart rats had much more performing rats even though they were the same thing it was all based on the way that the coaches treated the rats when they were trying
(09:58) to train him so your perception of the people in your life changes those people and it does it down to the smallest detail you would be shocked like not you Robert but I mean sometimes people are shocked to find that when they just change their perception of somebody else the other person’s actions that what they say and everything completely changes oh absolutely this happened to me the other day this woman called me charismatic and I never saw myself like that about this last week yeah it was because my idea of charismatic is but
(10:41) then you started kind of walking IOB like it sounds great let’s do it exactly so absolutely but really what I want guys done in about four there’s really two elements to this and one element is it’s really wholly true to what is true for you and that has to do with the internal right and so when I said there’s two elements to this frame thing there’s the internally and then there’s the external like most things right and the internal aspect of this is holding true to what is true for you this is why we have to
(11:18) be careful with this because we’re not talking about not being able to be flexible you know we’re not talking about not being able to meet people halfway we have to be reasonable because guys will take frame to the point where like they’ll want to go have Chinese food you know their girl wants to have you know burgers over it right and like nope yeah exactly you know I’m losing frame fine no that’s I’m sticking to my standards no but you know there that’s a good point because it takes people a
(11:51) little bit of time and readjustment to treat boundaries like they are fences and not brick walls you know exactly and there’s certain things that you should exit but we’re talking about these internals cult roots your values yes right that’s probably the best way just your values certain things that are just when you go against these things you’re really betraying yourself you know for a fact that’s not right yeah and hobbies can be an example of this like when you you know and this is a
(12:23) little more superficial than than valued you know if you’re gonna pretend that you are the world’s best hiker to go back to analogy we’re using a couple weeks ago you know when you hate it like if you have a strong emotion about something and you are just not going with that because you you know you’re just not honoring bad about yourself this is that kind of thing like this is be kept pretending you’re you know the world’s greatest hiker when you really don’t want to ever have anything to do
(12:51) with it you know there’s a difference between like being willing to try and then also having tried and failed and never mind go back right exactly so it comes as a perfect example just to give that clarity to the situation right and so the other half of this is more the external in terms of how you build your life like how are you building your career working talk about purpose you know and how you’re building what what you’re what you what is your everyday normal alright because remember the point the point of frame is to
(13:25) attract what’s yours you know help me then what’s yours possessive right but what’s right for you what’s right that is the grace cuz you got to think of women as that they’re kind of going door-to-door trying to figure out which house they want right and so we’re you know and so our men really went under looking for relationships just for the sake of this conversation we’ll say yeah let’s think of this as you get you get a chance to build your own house exactly the way you right that’s a good analogy
(13:54) yeah so as a man you get all the resources that you need to have it and build it the exact way you want it not to sell it because that’s right but that’s a that’s a good point though that’s a really good distinction because a lot of people look at the external as a vehicle toward selling themselves to the world and if you look at it like that that’s okay but it misses something fundamental about personal satisfaction I think absolutely because what you’ll do is you’re trying to sell it then
(14:23) you’re gonna get the data like okay what are people in this area looking for they don’t like pools yeah but you want to pull but the stats say people aren’t looking for pools there’s too much upkeep right and so you don’t put let’s see that’s kind of the trouble you again this is what the guys the kind of comments I got when we started talking to frame last time from couple of guys this is kind of the road they were going down but they wanted to know I want this girl how do I build a frame for that
(14:47) girls like will that’s the whole point this is where gain comes in and pickup artistry can be so dangerous it’s not fully a bad thing in general necessarily but this is why it can be a bad thing for a lot of men because they’re putting on things that are that aren’t true for that right it’ll work but never for how long for how long cuz eventually she don’t find out that you’re really not a hiker you’re not enthusiastic about motorcross or whatever there’s anything I’ve learned about the lady you know a
(15:18) short time on this planet has been that women get really upset when they find out you are not who you say you are well yes because why are you doing like with we wouldn’t be mad at you if you just came clean about it like maybe a little disappointed that you don’t want to you know hike at sunrise or something ridiculous but sorry Uyghurs but anyway you know but we might be a little disappointed but we’re not gonna be nearly as upset as if you just lie to us and and just pretend to be somebody else
(15:53) don’t pretend to be somebody else because who you are is perfectly good for whoever you’re meant to be with or whoever you know catches your eye later or whatever but you can’t treat it like this one person has to you know it’s either gonna work or it’s not based on this one person because you’re gonna act desperate you’re gonna switch yourself around like a pretzel and at the end of the day they’re not gonna love you anyway because they’re not they’re not gonna know you and they’re gonna sense
(16:24) that there is something wrong with it like animal level and they will know and they’re not they’re gonna leave you alone and you have to understand woman’s intuition when it comes to this is strong I mean good yeah there’s a very biological necessity for a woman to know the guy that she’s getting involved with because there was real ramifications throughout history there’s still only you got a no because from human history women relied upon the men that they got connected with especially the men they
(16:59) got pregnant and so if you were talking about your the you’re part of the Kings Court and she has a child you know she gets pregnant by you then she finds out you’re the court jester okay that Lily puts her life in her baby’s life at risk and the other thing is if she senses so if a woman senses that there is something wrong with your story she’s not going to assume that you’re like volunteering at the rest home Eryn amazed person you know she’s not gonna assume that you’re you know leading a Boy Scout
(17:33) Troop into you know leadership you know she’s not going to assume that you’re actually a wonderful person on the side she’s gonna think you’re a criminal and she’s gonna leave you alone so if you just do us a favor and be you so that we can appreciate you because we can’t appreciate you if you’re lying to us why it’s why I’ve always dreaded talking about because you know please just don’t lie you know I’m doing it really to for for the other women that I work with and
(18:07) the people that come to me and they’re so heartbroken because you’d be surprised men how irresistible you are when you are truly yourselves you know when you’re just you being excited about stuff you’re excited about like we can tell you don’t like hiking or whatever like we can tell you’re doing it you know you’re going to the ballet because you know it makes us happy but if you go to if you do something that you’re truly excited about with us like that is very very attractive and it’s hard for you
(18:36) not to be attractive to us when you are in your element oh there’s nothing like being a column oh my gosh if there’s nothing like being in your element it’s you need to find your element because everything you realize why you were put on this earth but because you finally felt like you belong you finally feel like you have a place to produce results and again for the fellas I know that that’s everything guys will do the most amazing incredible things in this world when they find their element because
(19:10) their personality fits in there your skill set in the things that went wrong fit in your element the things that went right fitting and it’s almost like you see how you’ve been molded fit this particular place and even if it you don’t end up being a famous multi-millionaire you use the happiest men on the planet or men who find their element yes it’s I wish I could make you well and and the other thing about it is that so say your element bores the crap out of the person that you’re interested
(19:40) so say you know it’s it’s something ridiculously boring to them whatever it is now even though that particular thing might not turn them on you being that excited and in your element that energetic component is very important that you keep doing that thing and you do not compromise on doing that thing even if the other person doesn’t appreciate it or understand it because that energy of you being fulfilled will feed the relationship even if that other person doesn’t get it and they try to get you to give it up never do it
(20:16) because if do it it will ruin everything not to speak in generalities but it will ruin everything and the reason is you can’t operate is a half person in a relationship and that’s why if you’re if your element coincides with the relationship rate like if you both love to play halo power to it do it all day long if you can but if it doesn’t don’t stop doing it or obsessively try to interest the other person in it just keep doing it and they’ll still appreciate and benefit from you being in
(20:51) that element this is one of the things that is so hard about this frame idea is because it gets tested and here me fella even me on my level you know I don’t want me that to sound sound I was like well where how can we compare and contrast Robert teach you a little bit but it was great even on your level though even on your level knowing what you know it’s hard not to collapse the frame yes exactly that is a number one thing that is still just as I need just as aware of more than anything like most things are just you know I’ve
(21:40) internalized and that’s what happens you know you got something that you’ve internalized when you internalize something you stop thinking about it right it’s just second nature is a second nature right and so but this frame if there’s because women do this 90% of the time that women test your frame are doing it you know subconsciously right and also like doing relationship things can do this too like you stopped you know going to your yoga class as you suddenly are having date night on that at that time like your
(22:09) your life can intrude upon the frame right there’s this is why it is so exhausting for a lot of men this is where the idealism of man gets comes in because like I’ve said before our idealism leads us to believe that you’re the one place we can go and not have to have you and a lot of guys get really upset and hurt and messed up because they don’t understand that you are different that your nature you can love just as strongly as we can love but it’s different it comes in a different place
(22:44) right so a part of that breaking of the idealism is the idea that you can let off the gas with her because that’s how we are with our friends with our friends we relax the female equivalent is just like wearing whatever and you know not caring about your like having your Sunday morning look for your look all the time gaining a lot of weight letting yourself go essentially and midlet can let themselves go too but it’s a little bit different as far as offense taken from the opposite sex both dinners have kind of this reality
(23:22) shock when we run into this kind of area right and we all want somebody to love us no matter what like we want somebody to love us if we are unemployed and the couch and having our Sunday morning look all the time like and and that is I don’t want to say it’s impossible but the hard part about it is it kills chemistry so I just killed your sexual relationship and then suddenly you’re buddies and then you’re having this brother and sister thing and you don’t understand why so we don’t want it to be
(23:54) like that for you so in order for it not to be like that you’re going to have to do certain things yes and Elizabeth Elizabeth said it the nice way [Laughter] and I used to be like a misanthrope I used to not like people at all and I’ve like realized that that’s the opposite way I wanted to be like to tell you straight up you will you will have to hold it consistent throughout that’s why you pick something you like right this is why frame is song can’t you be authentic for what’s true because guys
(24:32) get upset about this when it’s not and so it does feel like work every day cuz you’re working a but keep up a frame that’s not true for you that’s not authentic yeah you’re just living a lie and you wonder what happy alright and so of course is exhausting of course that’s got you not feel happy just drowned out by all the responsibilities that just come with just living life right because now you’re gonna add on the fact you can’t even come home and just relax because you misrepresented yourself exactly and
(25:02) you have to pretend to like you know I don’t know UFC if you hate it or whatever you whatever it is and also and and also the inauthentic life that comes along with just not ever feeling like you fit in oh there’s a there’s misery that would be at the top of the list because there’s nothing this is why so many of us like being alone because being alone is when we can finally eat chips and you baby how you want to eat how you want you to do watch what you want because that’s the only time you
(25:40) feel safe let it be what it is well and also it is a PR problem you know being like happier than can be single just doesn’t have you know people don’t really believe it like they don’t actually you know craft that’s possible a lot of the time that’s probably just being somewhat of a teacher in general and you’re that teaching spirit one of the things the main thing you’re gonna come up against is people just not believing in it because most teachers start out thinking the problem is always
(26:08) in the information just get the right information all I have to do is dig I think I I fall for this constantly I’m like wait a minute you don’t need more books you don’t need more books you need confidence that’s that transition that’s to happen and that’s how because you’ve once you to learn that within yourself like okay now you have to impart that into the people trust or live who are listening to who are following you or whatever but so we’re told again I should know as well go back to
(26:43) I’ll talk about help me personally frame is the number one thing that oh yeah but not collapsing it mommy – yeah I think talking about in a personal way is important and not just being like yes this is what you need to do because this is hard for me – yes I mean I said as a man dealing with women this is be nimble I think I told Elizabeth this last week I don’t know if I said this on air last week I know I told week I was talking Elizabeth Lee because this is something that I realized her being able to feel
(27:19) loved and an express love feeling is a result of her feeling safe yes how important safety well and we can’t respect you if we can’t trust you right and so hurt that frame being tested is falls in line with this principle because it needs to consistently be tested because that wood has her trust you she needs to trust that what she is getting from you is really you is really something that she can trust she could put weight on she can put a baby on she can put her heart on she could put her feelings you know what I mean so this is
(27:56) something why it’s it’s that stability it’s that foundation somebody’s talking about frame being able to build your house that foundation needs to be solid right yes if an inspector comes in you got cracks in your wall they won’t you know that’s alright the house can remain but if there’s a crack in that updation it’s out they’re gonna shut it down no one gonna be a live there they’re gonna they’re gonna you know bulldoze it because that foundation is everything well and it’s being sloppy with your
(28:22) word so a lot of times when men relax what they do is they become a little more relaxed with their agreements and this frustrates women to no end because if we can’t count on you to come through for us which is the true masculine coming through for the feminine then we have to go into our masculine to get that work done and you will not like the results of that we get very brittle we get hard we start achieving and generally that’s unattractive to you but the hard part about it is that it starts when you
(28:56) become unrespectable to us when you don’t follow through on your word specifically so you know as long as you come through on your word whether you see the thing is just not to make promises that you can’t keep if you never make the promise and I’m not saying it never commits anybody or never I’m saying you know under-promise and over-deliver would be a better strategy do not over promise and under deliver to a woman because she’ll learn that she can’t trust your frame and then she will go
(29:28) around you and get her needs met another way and you’re not gonna like it regardless of how she died no I’m not talking about anything lewd or anything I’m talking she’s gonna call a plumber when you do that for a living you’re gonna hate this all right and that’s all guys and guys get livid when that type of thing happens right when you see that happen all the time work well and from the other side of the conversation here’s what happens I asked him I asked him I asked him he said he would I asked
(29:57) him it’s been three months I asked him and so one thing that you can do win the lot so speed men speed just do it faster like as soon as you commit to it do it as fast as you possibly can put it on your schedule tell I don’t care make a calendar tell her when it’s gonna be because if you do that then she knows what to expect from you and you just eliminate a lot of the part where there’s waiting and confusion about whether you’re gonna really follow through because part of feminine mistrusting the meklin is that we aren’t
(30:32) always certain of your timing so it can feel like we’re not actually getting our needs met when you’re actually working on it so if you just communicate like what your plan is that can get you a really long way and that’s the thing because we tend to our strategies on our planets right that’s what’s natural for us because you don’t tell anybody your plan on your strategy because that means it could be used against you well and also from a it’s also construed as being asked for is asking for advice to like and if
(31:02) you’re not actually asking for advice like you don’t share the strategy unless you’re actually asking or requesting advice or input on the strategy and so another reason I think is that there isn’t necessarily like any discussion you want to have about why it’s Thursday instead of Friday like you just want to do it and get it done because there’s not like you don’t need help with scheduling it but that’s why it’s hard sometimes when you’re dealing with people who don’t understand these
(31:28) principles to communicate with them because they’ll communicate back that what you’re doing is wrong this is where nagging comes like killing nagging for you I mean I’d kill it for my end so I work on the respect to their respect to aspect and I work on trying to draw out what actually we need from you in order for you to stay respectful so that’s what I do with on the lemon side but on the male side if you just communicate what your plans are in a very definite way that doesn’t sound like you’re
(32:03) confused then we can work with that so and this brings up another important point I think as well because were you talking about what makes Russian ships work between men women polarity yes not you’re all this fluff stuff I’m writing a piece in my master class about this right now today I was writing about this like why just communicate is that advice because although we’re talking about right here is is routed and player T yes he’s talking about frame we’re talking about holding your masculine
(32:42) plea because as we talked about many time as well chemistry chemistry is a result of polarity right Elizabeth is a this is very important part our partner to aspect of relationship started she really cares about the feminine and math what you have to experience when you experience me well it’s is one of those things where I didn’t really see how I couldn’t put a name to why I saw certain things work and certain things not work but once I started learning about polarity the energies I was like oh yeah
(33:20) and you collapse your frame you’re collapsing the polarity you are you’re you’re going into the opposite energy source and in a way that’s unattractive oh people you’re trying to attract all right and this is why holding frame Kimmy’s gonna be so hard for you because guys won cuz guys naturally have a scarcity mindset when it comes and this is something that hurts us tremendously because when there only was one egg in biology there weren’t a million eggs so it kind of makes sense that you’re like
(33:48) this right and there’s except there’s reasons but this is something where again you’re gonna have to think about it this is something it’s gonna have you in tension because the scarcity mindset means that when it comes to the option of you pleasing her or holding to what is true for you that is where this becomes a stroke right this is not a struggle to hold your frame when everything’s going we’re guys lose it is those moment we’re holding your frame could risk loop right or that’s the way thing or feels when
(34:23) you’re in those moments well in standards are not for the good times no absolutely absolutely this is why anything is difficult it’s not difficult during the good times it’s difficult it’s not courage when just yes the sun is shining everything’s perfect you know you’re you don’t have a train rushing at you know the I mean the reason have standards is to rely upon them when things aren’t going well so you have a baseline where you’re not gonna you know you’re not gonna start acting desperate
(34:53) because those things are just non-negotiables oh god I’m telling you I’ve lost women that I did not want to lose because of this right I mean it’s and this is where the rubber meets the road this whizzes the thing you’re gonna have to overcome and I’m telling you you’re going to have to overcome it now good thing about for is that when you keep proving it to women they naturally stop stop testing yeah then we know what to expect from you and then we can then play outside the lines a little bit but not like you
(35:24) just stop falling through your agreements no but I’ve also seen it it’ll pop up again when you have weak moments which oh yeah it’s a lot of guys kinda rollin off as well because we’ll get really mad about this because it seems almost heartless in the moment and like betrayal yeah and betrayal and just a shock and all type of a thing this is why a lot of times you will hear after guys go through a divorce and like I’ve said before what is the most common trope is they’ll start naming off all of
(35:58) the things that they the services they’ve rendered and not understand why that didn’t translate into loyalty or what they believe should have been loyalty or or whatever read the case maybe again not understanding that you’re dealing with a different person you’re dealing with the human being but you know with you know a different a different person different well and you know a lot of times during like life trials this will happen so the guy will lose his job and then the woman will go move home with their parents or
(36:28) something and it is completely demoralizing and I know how upsetting that would be you know I I’m not trying to make light of it but there is another aspect of masculine energy that like you aren’t even attractive to you in that case like you know like if it like the equivalent you know for a male man losing his job is like a woman losing all of her hair like you want to go hide in a hole and so the fact that the other person has left you alone for a little while to sort things out isn’t always a
(37:02) bad thing but you cannot construe it as like they need it to be loyal to you no matter what because they’re not your mom she’s not and that’s the biggest thing we have to separate that and it’s hard because it’s so messy well you don’t get an erection for your mom you know if you unconditional love I’m really sorry but that’s not the way that this works it’s funny because I actually saw a pretty example of a frame test type of it the issue of how it actually shows up for a
(37:33) life I was watching a criminal you know I haven’t seen that show but I’ve heard good things about it and it was during this episode one of the guys who was like a part of the team that catches bad guys and all that he’s married and he had like a newborn kid and his job obviously takes him away from home Milan he’s dealing with all the nasty stuff you know crazy killings and all that kind of stuff his wife was constantly you know telling him like you need to be home more you need to be you know
(38:05) essentially now you need to stop what you’re doing and do something that allows you to be home with us more and more you know quote-unquote normal I think you saw this battle that he was having because his job I mean this guy was perfect for us we’re really good at his job could tell this he is B on the other hand he had his wife you know clearly not happy that his job was requiring was requiring us and so he doesn’t this is the dilemma frame see when you talk about framing some being why it’s tough
(38:34) to hold it it’s because of these type of situations there’s one thing to hold your frame and say you’re gonna keep your boundaries and all that but what happens when I don’t know whoever’s whatever top celebrity woman you have in your mind what if she tested right who are you that who are you then what happens when you have you found your job and you found yours but your wife you know your newborn kid and she’s there and she’s unhappy and she you know pretty much telling you that you need to
(39:01) stop doing what you’re doing anything else it allows you to see this is the struggle this is where you know you’re gonna lose it and it’s not so much that it’s not understandable but this is where you’re gonna be tested and these are the whatever you do in those situations are going to determine kind of where where you want cuz it wasn’t like the guy was doing what he was doing start doing what he was doing what he met her yeah that’s another problem too is that you know a lives change you know
(39:32) you can’t expect that somebody’s gonna work the same job for your entire you know duration of your exactly and so these are the type of things that are gonna come up whatever stage you are in talking about the dating stage or whatever but what I say the hardest thing of the most vigilant thing I have to wear of that this is what eyes because there’s constantly these type of conundrums that will pop up from time to time that will force you to have to make a decision yeah well one point I want to make about that real
(40:02) quick I’m sorry to interrupt you is that um you know there’s a lot of a lot of times people will ignore those you know this woman complain and she mentioned this was bothering her a lot of times when the complaining stops is when you have to really worry in the in you know that you haven’t solved the problems like if the problem hasn’t changed she isn’t suddenly okay with you doing this she has just given up on asking for something different and it’s really really common that that people will
(40:29) ignore somebody else I mean bill nag for a long time then we give up on name over after a while and then they’ll think like oh okay it’s solved and I think the best thing to do in that case rather than just collapsing your frame and like doing something entirely different is to try to find a way to compromise like you find a way to work with her rather than saying this is my frame this is it because if you don’t you know you have to understand that people’s perceptions and everything are valid and you know it
(40:59) can be really tempting to collapse and it can be tempting to hold too rigidly as well that’s that’s the day that’s that’s the that’s when you take knowledge and turn it into wisdom and and it’s about like checking in to like did this improve or or have they just given up on this issue yeah you can know right away whether you succeed you know if you were to ask about the issue which no man wants to ask about the issue like you guys are not dying to get more feedback about the issue right but if
(41:30) you said to your women six months down the road after she stopped complaining he’s been complaining for a time then we’d buy it and that is dangerous territory like this is how you get divorced and you don’t know what happened is that you ignored this so you know if you ask her like you know a couple of months ago you were saying that we aren’t getting enough time together um where do you think we are on that and then you redownload the argument and everybody knows what I’m talking about like then you get to have the entire
(42:00) talk that you thought was over that means that you have not solved the problem and this is it’s hard for guys to have to go down this route oh nobody wants to do this yeah it’s because a lot of times we feel so this is how we feel betrayed this is how we feel like we were almost kind of tricked into a situation because like what ended up happening is the guy came home one day from working yeah happens always called walk away white syndrome it happens all the time that’s how a lot of guys will guys go to other this is what they’re so
(42:36) baffled because what they say is exactly what I was thinking instinctively when I was watching this happened because my instinctive reaction was he was doing this when you met him right and so what changed now realistically what changes that you had a child Hey well that’s a pretty deal events and that’s a big deal but again in the in the emotion the moment of the situation it’s almost like I son this is where guys get caught up like what’s that saying that guys get married thinking will never change women
(43:10) get married and hoping that they will exactly this is where that comes in because it was one of those moments where you could tell you was like shell-shocked because he didn’t know he he thought this is what you you know he in his mind nothing has changed in terms of he was right right and so therefore like because in his mind he loves her for who she is so what is changed she did change you know and and she’s like well the circumstances aren’t working I’m not feeling loved because that’s how it
(43:40) works exactly you can tell that’s what was coming she did not feel loved she did not feel like she had a family she did not have her husband and he was just you know I mean he wasn’t like angry I here with you last night I think that but you could tell he just gonna position where like I can’t believe this is happening I can’t believe that you’re gonna like you were just you walked away you took my son and you and nothing is changing his head you know as far as he is concerned like he now he does not feel loved because he
(44:11) thinks that you know he doesn’t understand what happened he doesn’t understand why how she could do something like that and that’s the number one thing you’ll hear from guys how could she do something because the way we love is that the circumstance changing has nothing to do with you which is great for if you’re a woman by the way like if you’re listening in your woman this is great news because they men are reliable it will still love you if you make mistakes thank you act awful they will still love
(44:41) you women need input we require action in order to continue to love you and this is where guys lose it because they learn what you’ve learned but there lot of times we learned is that what you just sent but we learn it from Angry Men yeah that’s unfortunate because you know it and also you learned it as like about unconditional love from your mother so it’s really like it makes sense that you’d be confused because you’re you know the ideal is that you’ll be loved no matter what and you’re just wonderful
(45:13) anyway and you can get really close and so we don’t mean to make it like this is it you know you’re you’re doomed but you have to listen to those complaints about time and the energy you’re putting into relationship because you can’t think about it like it’s salt you have to think about maintaining a relationship with a woman like you are putting gas into a gas tank not that you are doing maintenance on the engine you are putting gas into the like you need gas just to keep going that’s how it is and this is where we
(45:45) come full circle in terms of why I like Elizabeth was being nice about it when she said it but I need to be more forceful for you guys because this is some reality that you’re either going to have to accept or go McDowell because you are not going to go around this principle and a lot of guys there get they lose something when they learn when they really learned it’s a lot of guide learned this and then they think they probably can’t even verbalize it like we are right right but they have this experience with
(46:17) and they see that response and they see that love that is that is conditional and they like said it’s confusing don’t know they are so perplexed and blindside by this and are you talk about the red pill this is what a lot of red pill guys are talking about the tongue at the red pill as in taking that eye opening pill of the fact that you are not going to be loved the way she loves you and guys don’t they have a hard time coming to terms with this is the breaking of our Disney’s it’s all right but it is is a
(46:55) good good thing if you know how to apply it right we understand each other’s natures then it’s not about manipulating fit because what AB lot of people will do is they’ll learn about men and women and they’ll try to weaponize all right well and that’s the kind of like the beginning phase to admit because you like you’re drunk with power that’s the kingdom you’re a kid with the Ferrari that’s what a Ferrari is good but it’s not good at sick so when you understand that you’ll always have to be you’ll
(47:30) make sure that you choose right look like that you continue to make effort because the other thing to it you know women will work with you it’s not like we just shut down the minute that is that bad stuff happens but we watch you and if we notice that you can’t really maintain our respect we’re gonna treat you like crap and we’re not gonna be doing it because we mean to but it happens and I’m not saying it’s okay like let me just preface this by saying it’s not okay to be disrespectful but
(48:01) what what happens when we lose respect for you is that we lose our lady boner like we do not we have a hard time because we now feel like we have to mother you so we can no longer feel sexually attracted to you when we have to take care of you and that can be a hard pill to swallow when you know problems happen and I get like regular life occurs but you have to do everything you can to maintain respectfulness you know respect stability because if you even if you lose your job you can maintain respectability to a woman and the way
(48:34) that you do it is that you are very clear that you still have goals and then you don’t act broken and give up because then that you’re basically going more into a mysterious like we don’t know what to expect from him kind of a place which is not respectable for us we can’t rely upon that but if you’re like alright you know I’m taking this challenge like it you know this is part of life and it’ll be okay and let me just go out and work really hard at making it work for myself we can maintain respect for you and so
(49:03) it how you look at you the situations in your life have a lot to do with how a woman is gonna react to you you know if you look at it like this is the end of the world I’m not gonna make it I’m not you know this is it like I it’s curtains and you’re gonna leave me and then you vocalize that we probably will like you’re not gonna have a great time maintaining a relationship under those circumstances but if you look at it like a challenge and then you make that part of your mission and you treat it like
(49:34) the video game that is our lives anyway then you’ll probably succeed at keeping a woman’s attention because we hear that it’s just like similar to our response when we hear like okay you’re gonna have to lose in her town right like oh thanks so much truth-teller no we give you chicken nuggets for so long and now you gotta get some vegetables because we want to tell you just to communicate we wouldn’t have talked to her we would have we would have had one podcast you know two years ago and we would never
(50:22) speak again and we would just we’d be like yeah they’re toxic dump them no weird help you work with it and this is how you do it even though it sucks exactly that’s us for both of us it does because like Leslie just said 80% of your prayers a lot of times don’t you’ll hear a woman talking about her issue and then bottoms the etl live now 2550 patted me straight thing about it is is it’s just like me being like put your [ __ ] in a sack and don’t get after the job department well yeah I’m gonna do it
(51:06) from across town right again how everybody acts when they’re not at their best include mean men women you know dogs animals you know nobody acts like a star when they are ego hurting like you know if you’re feeling a lot of shame and guilt in pain you are not physically attractive to anybody like yeah and you don’t dress like it you don’t act like it you know you don’t put out any confidence and so you generally like in times like that people do the best they can to stay with you and they do the
(51:40) best they can to work with the relationship but it’s natural for people to kind of shrink away and it sucks but that’s a reality that’s reality nature’s cruel man it’s it’s because it has to be but we wouldn’t breed if not like we don’t want bad you know puppy mill kids like you don’t get from 1 to 8 billion people because of flowers and sunshine right and so there’s elements to us that yes there is gonna be a responsibility on you and we’re fighting that a lot because it’s there’s nothing
(52:22) like a truthful a truth that it’s just undesirable to say well and one you know the other problem that I think we find to at this talk is making people feel like they have to be perfect before they actually are attractive to the other you know side and with the talk that I gave that was very demotivational just now the point of it was actually you have more control and you think you know that’s important like if the control American world is excellent like so I’ve said good things it just doesn’t sound great well because
(53:02) we like for the for the guys this is where it’s most for us the issue was taking energy that is our we’re already implementing somewhere and just transferring that to something else that’s all you can really do with energy was you can’t create it or destroy it you can only be transferred right and so don’t take people that are so energetically sapping that you need to think about it like you don’t have anything to offer with them you know let’s think about right people right people give back to you yes that’s what
(53:33) he gives like ways you know you found the right person I’m not even talking about them giving back to you intentionally it’s just that being in their presence gives to you you don’t feel drained after you’ve dealing with well that one of the they get grateful of that is our talks like the last couple times for for everybody’s listening we’ve Robert and I have gone over like quite a bit of time just discussing these issues after we get out the call and I’ve like had you know like a late night and I never feel like you
(54:06) know exhausted and worn out from it like I might be tired but that’s different and those kind of people are the ones that you want to invite into your life because if you are constantly having to be on and then you like you’re not appreciated that’s where you end up hating your life it’s not when you chose correctly and then you’re tired because you had three kids together you know so don’t pick people out like don’t go in like well it’s fine like they kind they’re kind of annoying but that’s
(54:33) alright like this is a time to maintain your frame and just say like well you know this is really great I enjoyed your company but you actually tire me out and that’s a bad thing like I just can’t maintain this and this is why I’ve always said this is the greatest news I ever got was realizing how much was in my control because I was tryna about to say was what guys tend to do is what they’re one in the game so they can go out in their lives and see a really hot girl and have some tool to get that really hot girl right
(55:12) that’s the idea of control of you initially have but that’s the that’s a false control right that’s a false idea that think that someone has a magic pill that you can just go out hunting and any you know when you want there’s something you could some magic you can do to get this person to want you and that’s your sense and control that’s not that’s that’s a Hustler’s that’s what hustlers do hustlers will feature alright cuz that’s what you want to hear but what
(55:38) actual control is is control over your own decisions and the fact that life will be our biology nature and nurture both reward when you better you the world and people respond to that yeah that’s very true and so this is why it’s taken that control energy that you’re trying to implement on other people and say if I want a better quality of person I have to become a better quality of person instead of thinking that I can just be whatever I am you can give me some magic wand and I can help game some
(56:15) whatever hot girl to meet to trick her evolutionary system to make it seem like I’m an alpha male alright so it will give her chemistry attracted know if you want whatever it is that you’re wanting you have to become that first so that it is authentic so that you’re not having to game your wife or your girlfriend for the rest of your relationship rest of your life and this is how you can get more comfortable because you picked correctly did you pick correct you the only way you can pick correctly is is
(56:47) that you build your house to look like you so the right woman who is attracted to that style of house says I I like a house of 52 bathroom wow he’s big on plumbing you said you be surprised me because people are so terrified that whatever their quirks are whatever their there’s people who dress up at bunny costumes who hang out and find wives who hate who do but cause dude you know Murray furthers that lid for every pot there’s a lid for every pot every single one there’s a person who like I love BDSM I love to be
(57:27) a Tom and there’s a SUP waiting for you just so excited that you’re particularly brand of domination is presenting you you should see it oh my god the greatest experience I ever had is seen two weird people findings like you have anybody can have that experience when you see two people with some weird quirk but they find someone who’s just so fascinated by that weird quirk and they just like it it’s the best it’s in heaven it’ll make even my like stoic self like a smile some life that is you
(58:06) got a build you build your house fellas let it look like please we want it to be like you you know we don’t want it to be like people pleaser central where you cut where we come into for you and then you ask us where we want to go to dinner tire me out by having me make all the decisions like just know who is like fun house like where are we are we in a mansion is it a decrepit like you know brokedown shanty like what is it because and you are able to do that and if the country house is for you you’re gonna
(58:43) get a girl who wants to go Mike you know I mean you need the Chris pristine China and gold-plated window I mean whatever it is but you’re gonna have to have the integrity the integrity see this is where character comes into play with this because this is what character is when you say someone has a good character what you’re really saying is that they are consistent yeah and we trust consistent people you trust Canales them even if they’re crazy we try that they are crazy consistently right what is the disease plug this into
(59:17) a whole bad boy argument why is a bad boy so attractive because you know what it is whatever if you know yeah never pretended anything else only called you and you answered the call chose to engage right he didn’t try to be your friend for three months and then kind of backdoor you like oh you know you know accidentally send you a dick pic then you think he’s a nut job like that’s the difference like that’s how you get that perception if you’re just in you know if you’re consistently truly
(59:53) whatever you are then we know what we can count on we can decide whether we like later or not and you might be devastated when you find out we don’t like that flavor but we wouldn’t like you better if you faked being whatever it is that you think we like we just don’t like you go away a different person it’s like it’s much safer to say to yourself like okay I was me like I was absolutely at my best I did the best I could and let the chips fall where they may than it is to say well if I had just
(1:00:32) pretzel twisted myself into somebody else perhaps it would have worked out that’s the wrong way to think if it never works it just it’ll waste your your waste so much time and energy and feelings and money and everything trying to live life like it just it’s zapped you of all your strengths you will become jaded and you bitter all of them all of it you’re gonna write a is on reddit dead bedrooms you know it’s gonna be really sad for you and we’re and we’re gonna hate that and you’re gonna come to us and be like
(1:01:05) well you know why does my life suck and what can I do about that and it’s gonna be like a big deconstruction process where if the beginning you would just simply admit it you hate oatmeal it would be better exactly this is why the the midlife crisis man gets so made fun of kind of in our culture because you know because what’s happening all of a sudden he’s doing all of these new and crazy different things no he’s just doing what he’s always wanted to do he’s doing what was true for him all along he
(1:01:36) finally just got to a breaking point and everyone animus shock like why is dad you know buying a new Corvette why is he getting his ears pierced why is he doing all these things cuz that was him all the law right and he looks ridiculous and we disrespect that behavior and the reason we disrespected is because he’s inconsistent you he should have got the ear piercing or whatever became a bodybuilder or whatever he did and this is where most guys come for help they come after this type of even if they’re
(1:02:04) twenty years old they had this moment of breakdown because there’s a woman broke their fallacy yes that’s true and they have to come to terms with the fact that they’re now like pretzel twisted it into a hiker and they hate it exactly so they have all these things in their house they don’t want they’re going to these different they’ve done all these things they never wanted to do again disclaimer we’re not talking about carbide when they thanks to reasonable thing well and there’s a great scene in a long came
(1:02:36) Polly about this where like Ben Stiller has all these throw pillows on his bed like a ridiculous number of throw pillows and every night they put the throw pillows you know they take him off and the next morning he put him on and he finally like snaps and he’s like I hate all of these and it’s similar you know your life just wouldn’t you don’t just make a stand about the little things sometimes they just take you and this is where we’re we have to break our own Disney fantasy’s our own Disney kind
(1:03:07) of I guess fantasy thing that we’ve been taught was that we’ve been taught to be bleezers yeah and pleasing he’s the probably one of the most like top three unattractive behaviors you could ever Express with them and it goes back into the foundation of it being inauthentic and consistent like Elizabeth says they you know women know when certain things were doing that we’re not to believe thrilled about what we’re doing it for her you know and there’s certain things that are reasonable friends our birthday she
(1:03:39) wants to go to a Broadway play and you know go to the Broadway play you know that doesn’t make you romantic stuff anyway just don’t pretend that like you just love everything like don’t become a chameleon right don’t try to act like this is something because that’s what happens that’s what good guy does see death or nice guy nice guy thank you I was with the nice guys cuz the nice guy like I told that story a couple weeks ago about the nice guy that took oh yeah went to the good girl one
(1:04:13) of my friends was dating this girl and she’s you know she had a nice guy friend and he wasn’t trying to go to her family’s house for for Thanksgiving alright because it was not something he was he did it at first but had a bad experience because the way her family was with politics it was like I just don’t want to put myself in that position again right that’s just not no no I’m not gonna do that right you had to hold that frame right and it was tough because naturally every guy’s
(1:04:38) gonna be like well you know not going to your girlfriend’s family dinners a kind of a dick well and it’s human you know to want to make her people happy you know but he’s not having it so he doesn’t go you wouldn’t happen if you wouldn’t go because again it came to the fact that he it got to a point where now was threatening his true friend and so he had to make a decision decision in that situation right and so okay she goes what the nice guy goes and of course he’s you know just talking mad as
(1:05:08) you no doubt I would never do anything like that all that kind of because of the fallacy of being pleasing thinking that somehow because what is happening in the mind of the nice guy when he’s doing this what he thinks is actually happening her he thinks he’s earning her right it’s transit transactional right and she’s just like well that’s great that he wanted to come with me like so so would my best girlfriend right exactly you were her girlfriend yeah you know to roles from you’re a
(1:05:38) girl from a that’s that can be that can be an artist and women and women be friends episode the long-awaited can because I know we disagree about that but anyway either way he so he goes anyway so he goes to Thanksgiving yeah it goes there it’s a time and then gets a call for you know she gets a call from the actual boyfriend and they’re talking a little bit and he pretty much hasn’t come to where we were or to come pick her up from where we were to go wherever they were gonna go and so she does that she leaves her parents house
(1:06:13) goes comes here picks up picks up her boyfriend and they leave but when she came to pick up she told us about how what’s-his-name was there and that you know I remember asking her like where is he he’s like she still he saw at my parents house I just called me uber home I just started dying it like her phone like she wasn’t like then thank you it was me like it’s fusion yeah she was just so oblivious to it you know that’s what was so funny to us you know because we were just like we all understand what
(1:06:46) situation and to Megan I’ve never they pay their bill and we were just topped thinking about what it must how in that position beat you being in that position it’s purely a result of you not understood things that were talking about tonight all right and what we’ve talked about really what Elizabeth I’m talking about every night we just need to change your thought process because the gun a bad guy you know it was a it wasn’t that the guy was Sinde like he deserved to be and you know if we would
(1:07:20) be also rude to leave your best girlfriend at your parents Thanksgiving – right exactly you know it is a kind of a rude thing to do but if you have an understanding with your best girlfriend that’s one thing if you you know but but the whole thing about it is is you just can’t earn love like that you just can’t you know put up enough merit badges in order to finally be worthy you did not land his flag he did not say this is where I stand and was okay leave it there could be a wise choice take it or
(1:07:49) leave it and she left it he said then okay cool wish you the best and moved on to the net you know it’s like okay you know just raise your flag back up and you know see you know what’s interesting about that moment and I do not want to give people on the call hope I do not not in this case but but here’s my thought about this it’s common that that is airy attractive behavior like saying no in that case and finally being like you know what no like this is not up to my standard like I don’t like the way you’re treating me
(1:08:21) I’m done it or you know call me when you want me you surprised how many people actually call I know I know I know that was dangerous and so please that is not do not use that as a life strategy but just understand that it should be even more motivation to collapse your frame please that is again it goes back to you start talking about you know girl of confidence and women love you know all the yes but what does that actually look like we can’t take that and don’t think that means you guys see that men love
(1:09:01) they think that means start being an [ __ ] oh no and that’s a totally nice guy misperception to be like well you got jerk so I’m gonna act like a jerk know what we want is for you to be true to who you are it’s not true saying no when it’s authentic for you to say no just like my friend when he said no about why his girlfriend’s parent he wasn’t trying to be an [ __ ] he was he didn’t think oh girls love [ __ ] gonna say no and be a victor making no it was worth giving xym it was just a situation
(1:09:33) presented itself it looked at it made a decision like now this doesn’t fit me you know about putting myself in that position and that’s why she went to go see him afterwards you know she came to pick him up the other guy the other guy I mean we you know we spent our nice guy here but the other guy gets everything he wants and he doesn’t have to go to Thanksgiving watching football you know she you know had the time to get out of little time she was angry at first but she wasn’t she was angry because she
(1:10:09) wanted to bail the holiday with her boyfriend she means what they want but actually we’ll get over it relatively quick oh yeah because ultimately the nice guy think Oh there’s crack in the dam it’s like no it does she can trust him right she could trust him even in that moment she didn’t like you know what the behavior initially but even on a subconscious level women can trust that so yes she called him an [ __ ] right but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him she does you cannot love is not
(1:10:41) transactional and this is why you keep you know every time I said guy cuz the voice keeps rattling of all the things he did like that somehow that was supposed to pay you’ll come to a lump sum that was worth her love how much does you how much is the woman’s love worth I mean what are you two what dollar sign because that’s how when you you know it next so we can talk about transaction over his valuation guy liked it I think we should because it also hits to the heart of when people say to them you know when they have this this
(1:11:13) idea that they don’t measure up and they have to put out you know it’s really hard to distinguish that you know the difference between transactional relationships and effort and her still loving you I mean we’re saying a lot of things about like okay you have to keep doing stuff you need more effort it’s like in the car well that sounds like you’re earning merit badges and so I think it’s definitely a good topic because you’re right you can mistake that further for us thinking that you
(1:11:42) essentially just keep doing with the nice guys doing but there’s a difference between that element being there right when a woman is attracted to your frame when she has chemistry for you and being able to take that as your starting point and then what you need to do to manage that from here on out yes well in cherishing a woman is different than trying to get her approval and trying to pay for it you know cherishing a woman is effort and it does look like putting an effort but you already gotten into the container which I found a way to
(1:12:18) work into this conversation you’ve already you’re already in you just stay in by continually you know showing that you’re excited be they’re essentially you do not buy your way in and then you know pay to stay right because you want it because if you are getting your stuff together you got when you’re on track with purpose when you are in the gym and you are getting mine right your spirit right when you have a harmony between these different elemental life you know and so now you’re creating your frame
(1:12:52) right and now you’re being able your frame is naturally coming together because you’re taking care of all of these personal so your frame is coming together when your frame is coming and it’s consistent you’re starting to attract with authentic and what’s authentic for you you’re starting to attract chemistry and women have chemistry for you’re starting to be able to put the effort you know it’s it’s that’s where it comes out so you’re talking about cherish you know of course
(1:13:17) you’re gonna cherish a woman who’s all over you who’s willing to leave her parents and come and pick you up you guys of course you’re gonna love that right you’re not you spent five minutes in that situation where you’re used to spending hours and hours and days and days and all this time this guy ended up spending like four or five hours with had to spend his own money all for what right well and and you know another another side of that argument was that if he really valued her it wouldn’t be
(1:13:46) an angry thing oh absolutely what he values is what she can do for him and this that’s the sad part about it is that it it isn’t that she is valuable to him in that case it’s that he has he’s trying to win something he’s trying to get something and that’s why it’s so one-sided because he would do it happily if he saw a value in her but it sounds like the office seems like he’s doing it because he sees value in her but the reason that it doesn’t work is because if he saw value in her he wouldn’t be
(1:14:17) angry the reason he’s angry is because he didn’t get his ego stroked exactly the reason why so many of us guys end up having to get women into our lives that way is for exactly really what the topic is but it’s a you know you’ve got to develop your own frame because if she gonna do what are you what does she because every time she talks to you you’re swaying with whatever wind is blowing at the given time right right this what which weird pick-up line are you gonna try on me tonight just come at me
(1:14:50) you know oh I’m spending time in Vegas is a little aside no it’s amazing to watch the troops of people wandering around and sometimes they come over and they want to talk but but the interesting part about it is that the pea literally you know really like yeah we’re gonna we’re gonna get something out of this are the ones who end up like you know walking home together in the middle of the night like we’re not wearing their shoes and the ones who don’t really care ones that end up getting everything and it’s the
(1:15:28) same with everything it’s the same with money it’s the same with business it’s the same with the relationships it’s the same with women and same with men like if you are out to get something you are probably not going to succeed but if you’re out to be you and then give something and I don’t mean give like tangible stuff like merit badges I mean share your presence with people you’re gonna have a totally different experience play leader I mean we can even do this old I know we have this
(1:15:57) nice little discussion so the strategy is stop worrying about what other people can do for you and do stuff for yourself right you are you’re versa be your first thought your and not in that again that selfish way but in that way I’ve put that oxygen mask on your self first so you can live to be able to help your children right well I don’t have to tell people very often to be less selfish so one thing that’s been interesting to me which I in the beginning did not think this would be the case so I thought
(1:16:32) people were much more selfish than they are and that their motivations were super and they are so the weird paradox is that I don’t have to tell people to be less selfish very often right very very rarely is that the problem the problem is more that they’ve pretzel twisted their own desires around in order to get their needs met and if they just win about it a little different they wouldn’t have to worry about it but because they’re afraid to be selfish they do all of these weird sideways behaviors like they bar gonna act like
(1:17:08) nice guys and nice girls they do all this crap because what they’re doing is trying not to seem a certain way they’re doing all this for approval and if they just let that go and just owned it and said like yeah you know what like I’m my number one they actually get much farther and be much happier but we are afraid to be selfish because we think that we’re gonna get cast out for it when the truth is that actually people admire it and to be honest you right there is an element of fear the fact that you we do see people
(1:17:41) who are have the courage to be authentic do get attacked because we we almost we almost want to move people off that mark because there’s something so instincts in us especially if we can’t live like that ourselves yeah you know celebrities are the perfect example there certain celebrities are so polarizing why they polarizing because they’ve staked out a particular viewpoint or idea or whatever and they’re not moving and a part of their so when some of their thought process or whatever they think wherever
(1:18:19) they believe in doesn’t really mesh well with the current societal you know vibes yeah like polarity is an example of this like I know that like the more popular I become the more difficult it is to be continued to maintain this message because this is just one of those things but like when it comes to selfishness is like Mariah Carey for example it’s known for being extremely diva-ish like she she but the thing about it is it a certain level you start to admire this behavior and I don’t know if this
(1:18:51) is just a sick work of my own but I’m starting to look at people who are very kind and be like alright that is you know what I don’t understand anything that you like but what I do appreciate is that you are doing you all the way it’s really the only way because there’s some people where I like this that I fundamentally kissed Dan right but like you’re excited their whole thing just bothers me but they are this is what you get when you get right I know that this person believes in this and no matter what this is right they
(1:19:27) don’t capitulate well we’re not gonna teach a cat to bark like we’re you know have to worry about like them showing up differently you’re always getting this you’re always getting again it seems like every day there people are just been in there all their time trying to move people be moved it’s why they’re being talked into I there being a wrecking and it’s again this is why you’ll go on all lighting and you’ll see the same five things on everybody’s profile it is very all of these things
(1:20:03) we know like select all the ocean so I’m sorry I guess I’m a [ __ ] like I’m an [ __ ] like you own it we don’t talk about that like we are not talking like you know you are abrasive and you want to tell us about it that’s not this kind of selfishness so that we’re discussing we’re talking about that selfishness that comes from you being able to identify and live whatever it is that is true for you and when you’re able to do that I was a percentage changes you’ll live in a completed for paradigm
(1:20:43) completely different paradigm and yeah it’s it’s amazing but yes you will get attacked and yes because when you are refusing to move it’s a human nature to try and get you how we respond to that with someone plants their flag we want to go and and take it down so yeah this is where I think it’s a good place start I think I don’t prosper absolutely but it’s enjoyable as always so important so appreciate it is because like say oh no I you know it’s not not gonna anybody Amy my other cook well likewise like I
(1:21:20) always appreciate your your presence and your energy it just it’s just a great way to you know spend Wednesday like say you’re up into you get this how you get to live well in the other thing like like if you think about the little tiny conversation we just said the little tiny like oh my gosh I just appreciate you this is just wonderful if you think about other times in your life when it’s been hard to say thing to people think about what I you know why was it hard to be like so obviously happy about
(1:21:53) something you’re like why like cuz you’re afraid that if you admit it you’re gonna lose it and it’s the opposite people appreciation get you more of stuff not less stuff more stuff comes from appreciating things that’s my final takeaway what works is counterintuitive it’s weird how it works that way it’s weird that a lot of our natural proclivities is to do the thing that just doesn’t fundamentally work and when it does work it feels where you have you ever like started working out
(1:22:26) and especially somebody who’s ever worked with the trainer I guarantee if you’re somebody who’s ever worked with a trainer they’ve had you do things that felt really weird and you felt and you just couldn’t understand why we’re doing this great yeah let’s yeah you know what I want to do is whatever you’re suggesting exactly that’s a yes because a lot of times what our normal is is wrong it’s off and that’s why you look the same three days a week and you still look the same the trainer is paid to
(1:23:01) make you do weird side hops or something ridiculous and then make you so sorry you can’t walk so funny cuz I went to football lately I know a guy tell me certain things that gave me so much probably I I couldn’t even I was shocked cuz well he had me doing I was thinking like what is this you know I play folk you know I know how to lift weights I know how to condition I’m never gonna get strong if I do this I had that 20 minutes of what he had doing him die like I always just lay down on the floor like get away from me
(1:23:32) everybody’s at all again it was never what I would have considered never I would have but that’s not having something see which you can’t see because just because something’s out of you doesn’t mean right your back could be out of place and you don’t think anything of it because you’re so used to it being out of phases then the chiropractor comes in and changes your world yeah energy healers knew that too is inside that’s the whole thing with yoga and all of that was it’s just to get you in
(1:24:05) alignment right yeah absolutely so yeah we’re gonna keep pushing it just save some for next time I suppose nevertheless thank you guys for tuning in really appreciate it again you go to our website their podcast appreciate hopefully you got something that’s that yeah absolutely well and you can find me to track the 1.
(1:24:31) com also lux self comm is my new venture and I’m ready for you to go look at it so I’m gonna be doing a master class in January so just keep it on the you know back your mind for fun things to do sure you know I mean I can have you doing at the beginning too don’t forget so you have me I’m happy to plug it just constantly because I’m super excited about it so I hope everybody can benefit yeah hope you guys enjoy the rest of your day night your holiday season and next time okay Elizabeth thank you Robert