In today’s Q&A, we have a lovely lady who wonders if men are avoiding her online dating profile because of her lack of previous relationships.
I have a question that I’ve been grappling with. On one of the dating sites I use, one of the required profile questions asks the length of your longest relationship. Not wanting to start off any potential relationships with mistruths, I put the honest but harsh truth; my longest relationship response is “less than one year”.
The truth is that I’ve never had a relationship at all. At the age of 38 that is a little sad but up until maybe two years ago, I had built my life around the concepts of planned avoidance and living vicariously through the experiences of friends.
There are a number of guys that look at my profile but no one responds. Could it be the “less than a year” as the longest relationship answer that is “scaring” potential mates away? I know this can be a serious red flag in the dating world. I didn’t want to be dishonest in any of my responses in my profile but am starting to wonder if I should fudge the answer for this question to a number that is a little more relationship-stable. What do you think? Thanks.
Men are unlikely to be put off by the “less than one year” check block. It is much more likely that they don’t even notice that over your photos or your written description.
Usually men look at pictures first, then if they like what they see, quickly scan your written description. Most of the time the decision to email you is a pretty quick, split second one.
Online dating is a numbers game more than anything else. I met my husband on Match and went through probably hundreds of awkward dates and relationships to meet him.
It is most helpful to think of your profile as an advertisement where your aim is to truthfully represent yourself and also get as many emails as possible from eligible bachelors.
If you aren’t getting the kind of responses you would like, I would suggest getting some new pictures taken where you are outside, smiling and that show you off from multiple angles.
Get a male friend or non-judgmental family member to take a look and get his honest opinion.
Additionally, get him to take a look at your written description and give you:
1. His impression of your profile
2. An honest assessment of whether this measures up with his perception of you. Ask what he would change and why.
Then go back to the drawing board and incorporate his suggestions and your new photos into your online dating profile. This will help you create a better representation of who you are and get you more responses from men you are interested in.
Practice makes perfect, so get out there and go on some dates! 🙂
