To avoid facing major change head-on (like that breakup you know needs to happen), it’s super common for people to create passive-aggressive diversions, distractions, and conflict to hint to their “significant other” that: sorry, sweetie — you’re just not that significant anymore.
Perhaps we hope the other person will abandon ship first and let us off the hook for doing the dirty work.
In over 10 years as a coach, I’ve noticed people often go to elaborate lengths to send the message before they put voice to the words they really want to say… “it’s over!”
Here are a few subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways people put off that ‘everyone else knows it’s coming so we should probably just end it’ inevitable break up.
Here are 14 signs should break up or divorce, but you’re too scared:
1. You’re seriously thinking of moving.
And hoping the distance will naturally end your relationship.
“No, honey, don’t bother moving across the country with me (even though you could). We’ll just do long distance,” said no happily committed person ever.
You’re desperately hoping that the other person will simply stop calling at some point if you make a pilgrimage somewhere else … anywhere else.
2. You’ve launched an ambitious self-improvement routine.
Is your gym attendance at an all-time high? Check.
Finally, lose that spare tire? Check.
Sudden new interest in grooming when you didn’t care before? Yup.
The act of eyeing the door has launched you off the couch and back into a looking-for-a-mate fighting shape.
3. You’ve consulted everyone you know about your relationship woes.
Your friends and family (and co-workers, and neighbors) have all heard about how much your relationship sucks to the point that they’ve rehearsed your breakup speech in their heads for you.
They’re dying for you to just bite the bullet and end it already.
One by one, you’re starting to suspect they might be avoiding your calls.
4. Public displays of affection suddenly annoy you.
Do you try to avoid any signs of public affection when you go out together?
Do you find yourself flinching (or even wanting to scream) every time your paramour shows signs of their devotion on your Insta photos?
Have you given up on commenting in hopes of “not encouraging it”?
Have you locked your social media accounts to prevent posts by others?
Do you want to roll your eyes when you see cute couples out in public?
Since you started pulling away, your partner has redoubled their efforts to win you over in ways that you’re starting to consider deeply pathetic.
5. You hate talking about plans for any future date beyond tomorrow.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Next week? It’s WAY too soon for me to make plans with you … even though we live together … and I have absolutely nothing to do then.”
6. You’ve started spending a lot more time at work.
Climbing the corporate ladder or just avoiding your loved one?
Aggressive pursuit of overtime is your new life goal!
Volunteering to help co-workers, accepting time-consuming projects, heading that focus group or committee? You’re in! “Sign me up! Sounds awesome. (Anything to delay going home.)”
7. You’ve restarted a time-consuming hobby to gain alone time.
Suddenly, there’s no time like the present to re-ignite your long-dormant personal goals.
That popsicle stick model of the Eiffel Tower (to scale, of course) that you started in 8th grade suddenly demands you finish it.
8. You’re moody, argumentative, and pick fights.
No transgression is too small. You point out every minute thing your partner does (or doesn’t do) that annoys you and create drama about it.
You thrive on conflict because frankly, stomping out of the house and slamming the front door in a huff frees up your evening.
9. Cheating is starting to look very attractive.
Your ability to resist the opposite gender has waned in a big way.
You almost want to cheat and get caught so that you have an “easy” way out of your current pairing.
10. You feel dead inside like your life has no purpose.
Each day, do you find yourself in a hopeless, endless shame spiral?
Maybe it’s time to examine your home life to find the source of that misery (hint: it’s the person sitting next to you).
11. You’re considering “having another baby” to reignite the spark.
Because making babies always shakes things up for the better, right?
12. You feel them pulling away but do nothing to stop it.
Instead of making you want to try harder, things between you two feel increasingly indifferent.
Even happy relationships ebb and flow, but when yours hits an ebb, hope feels futile (and not remotely worth the effort).
13. You’ve stopped making decisions that protect your relationship.
You’ve solidly rocketed yourself right into “I don’t care” territory when it comes to making decisions.
You no longer care whether the other person is irritated, ticked off, or inconvenienced by anything you do.
You welcome their displeasure, since in a small way it gets the message across that you’re done.
14. You’ve delivered the “you’re too good for me” speech.
In a futile effort to drive them far, far away, you’ve had that talk that goes, “Dah-ling, I’m a senseless disaster (fill in your adjectives) who could never, ever be as nice to you as you are to me. I don’t want to tie you down/hold you back/dull your shine.” (Sure. Right.)
“You deserve someone better.” a.k.a. Please date anyone but me!
If you want my help shifting your relationship, see current options for one-on-one coaching here.
READ: 9 Warning Signs A Breakup Is Coming
