Hi, I’m Elizabeth Stone. Here’s today’s question:
How do I re-attract my ex boyfriend in a way that he cannot help but fall deeply in love with me and won’t be able to stop thinking and obsessing about me?
Well.. the answer to this question has inspired tons of content since humans have been able to love and reject each other.
Songs have been written about wanting this kind of obsession.
First, I want to get into something that people miss when they’re thinking like this:
Why do you want your ex boyfriend to feel obsessed with you?
Could it be because you imagine that obsession makes you safe and represents relationship security?
Is it because getting dumped sucks and you want to feel in control again?
If either one of those are true, I get it.
But both of them are pretty far off of helpful mindsets. ESPECIALLY when you want to repair a relationship with someone you love. And maybe… who you can’t stop thinking about and obsessing over.
I found it really interesting that you said you want your ex boyfriend to “fall deeply in love.”
To do a successful reconnection, usually you benefit greatly from your ex boyfriend already loving you on some level.
Even if he’s mad at you right now. Or “loves you but is not IN love with you.”
If your ex boyfriend truly loved you at some point, that’s a basic entry requirement for getting back together.
Otherwise, it’s a crap shoot whether you’re even still interesting to him at all.
So… were you both in love with each other in the first place?
If you were, you have a better chance of saving the relationship, but you’re going to have to shift your mindset around this.
I have written hundreds (literally) of articles about everything that goes into reconnecting a relationship. I coach people through handling tough situations in their relationships every day.
So… go and read. And read. And watch videos about how to reconnect with your ex. Go all the way down the rabbit hole.
At the bottom of it, you’ll find that your mindset about you is the most important thing in whether or not you’ll ever successfully reconnect with your ex boyfriend.
And wanting another human being to feel moved to obsession shows me you’re looking on the outside for approval you would be best served by giving yourself first.
Because (like Byron Katie says) you’re the one you live with.
You’re the one who has to feel attractive and irresistible to inspire devotion from anyone else.
And, if and when that becomes real, your world will change a lot. But not while you’re in this mindset of trying to do some kind of love spell to get him back.
If you do some trick to get him to fall in love, what happens when the spell wears off? What happens when you quit doing the secret handshake or whatever? See? It’s a bad idea to think like this.
Make yourself irresistible to YOU and see who else shows up to join you.
That’s a much better life than trying to make one particular specific person pine over you. There isn’t enough security in the world to fill up that hole.
You won’t truly appreciate that kind of devotion anyway if you haven’t worked on your own self love in the first place.
To find out how women accidentally sabotage their relationships with men, check out my free masterclass 3 Innocent Mistakes Women Make With Men.
