Breaking up is hard to do.
I’ve never been particularly “good” at breaking up.
In my own relationship history, I have either stayed too long or created so much drama that he either had to make massive changes fast (unlikely) or make his own decision to leave.
This is why I’ve been on the receiving end of more breakups than the opposite.
And, I have over a decade of coaching people around creating, repairing and preventing breakups.
That’s why I’m uniquely positioned to share the most effective ways to break up and begin the process of moving on.
This list of breakup message example scripts covers most common relationship situations and can be adapted for the rest.
For each breakup message for him, I have provided both a compassionate, supportive version and a direct/no-nonsense version.
I also decided to give you the breakup text/dm version and in-person breakup scripts to adapt for your own relationship situation.
This is not because I agree with the idea of breaking up over text message.
I have provided breakup text and direct message (DM) breakup message examples because that’s what thousands of people who search for this topic are looking for.
If I’ve learned anything in my time helping people with their closest relationships, people are going to do whatever makes most sense to them at the time.
If that’s you, I want to encourage you to reconsider.
Especially if you loved this person at one point, please give them the kindest possible send-off.
That kindness includes facing them or at least calling them in real time to break the news even if you feel sad, bad, nervous and know you don’t want to deal with their response.
Either way, how you handle your breakup is up to you. Here we go:
MORE: How to Break Up Gracefully: 13 Step Plan to Avoid Drama
Breakup messages for when you are incompatible
In the beginning of a relationship, incompatibility whispers but doesn’t roar.
You might picture your future together and feel unsettled because your shared vision of the future doesn’t align.
Maybe you have found yourself in an impossible stalemate about logistics– where you will live, whether or not to get married or how to plan your family together.
Even though you both try, on some level you can see that you’re forcing something that isn’t going to work long term.
These breakup messages for incompatibility help you end things honestly and clearly, without blaming either of you or pretending things will change if you just keep trying.
Compassionate/supportive version
In-Person:
“This is hard because I care about you, but I’m seeing more and more that we’re just not a true fit. Our goals and dreams don’t line up, and you deserve someone who’s all-in for the same things you want. I’d rather be honest now than try to force something that isn’t right for either of us.”
Text/DM:
“I’ve been thinking about where we’re both headed, and I’m realizing we just aren’t looking for the same things. You deserve someone whose life and dreams truly fit with yours. I care about you and want the best for you, but I think it’s time to end things before either of us wastes more time hoping it’ll work.”
Direct/no-nonsense version
In-Person:
“I don’t want to drag this out. We want different things, and I don’t think this relationship makes sense anymore. Let’s end it.”
Text/DM:
“We’re just not compatible, and I don’t see that changing. I think we should break up.”
Breakup messages for losing feelings
In my experience, losing feelings for someone rarely happens suddenly. You probably still care about them but your heart just isn’t in the romantic relationship anymore.
If your feelings have faded and you’re staying out of obligation or habit, you’re probably also feeling guilty and/or second-guessing whether it’s okay to end things when nothing dramatic has happened.
This back-and-forth process can go on for months.
These are the messages to use when you want to be honest, clear, and kind without dragging it out any longer or pretending things will change.
Compassionate/supportive version
In-Person:
“I care about you, and this is really hard to say, but I can’t ignore that my feelings have shifted. You haven’t done anything to cause it, and I hope you know how much I value what we’ve shared. I just can’t give you the connection you deserve, so I think it’s best if we end things now. I truly want you to be happy, even if it isn’t with me.”
Text/DM:
“I want to be honest with you because you deserve that. My feelings have changed, and I don’t want to pretend or lead you on. You haven’t done anything wrong, I just don’t feel the connection I need to keep going. I hope you know how much I appreciate what we shared, and I want the best for you.”
Direct/no-nonsense version
In-Person:
“I want to be direct: my feelings aren’t there anymore, and it doesn’t make sense to stay together. I think we should break up.”
Text/DM:
“My feelings have changed, and it’s only fair to be upfront. I don’t think we should keep seeing each other.”
Breakup messages for personal growth or priorities
These breakup messages are for situations when your priorities have changed and/or you know deep down that staying in the relationship will never support the life you want to create for yourself.
Compassionate/supportive version
Text/DM:
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I need to be honest—I’m at a place where I have to focus on myself and my own growth. This isn’t about you or anything you did wrong. I just know I can’t be in a relationship right now and give it what it deserves. I hope you understand, and I really do wish you the best.”
In-Person:
“This isn’t easy, but I need to be upfront with you. I’m realizing I have to put my energy into my own life and personal growth right now. It wouldn’t be fair to keep this going when I know I can’t be fully present. I care about you and hope you find what you’re looking for, but I need to step back.”
Direct/no-nonsense version
Text/DM:
“I need to focus on myself right now and I can’t keep up a relationship. I’m ending things so I can put my energy into my own life.”
In-Person:
“I’m not able to be in a relationship right now because I need to put myself first. I think it’s best for both of us if we end things.”
Breakup message examples for long distance breakups and changing life circumstances
Next we have breakup messages for long distance relationships and/or when your personal circumstances have simply made the relationship too difficult to keep it going.
In particular, long distance relationships are incredibly hard to maintain. I was once completely ghosted by my current partner when he moved across the country and fell upon hard personal times.
Back then, I wished he would just tell me what was going on.
Later I found that he wanted to keep things going between us, mangled the whole situation and had no idea how to handle the circumstances he had been plunged into.
Whether or not you sense you might want to revisit the relationship later, you owe it to this person to treat them better than leaving them in the dark to wonder what really happened.
Here are breakup message examples you can use:
Compassionate/supportive version
In-Person:
“I care about you, and this is really hard to say, but I can’t ignore that my feelings have shifted. You haven’t done anything to cause it, and I hope you know how much I value what we’ve shared. I just can’t give you the connection you deserve, so I think it’s best if we end things now. I truly want you to be happy—even if it isn’t with me.”
Text/DM:
“I want to be honest with you because you deserve that. My feelings have changed, and I don’t want to pretend or lead you on. You haven’t done anything wrong—I just don’t feel the connection I need to keep going. I hope you know how much I appreciate what we shared, and I want the best for you.”
Direct/no-nonsense version
In-Person:
“I want to be direct: my feelings aren’t there anymore, and it doesn’t make sense to stay together. I think we should break up.”
Text/DM:
“My feelings have changed, and it’s only fair to be upfront. I don’t think we should keep seeing each other.”
Breakup Messages for on-again, off-again relationships
These breakup message examples are for when you’ve found yourself in a hot-and-cold, make-up/break-up pattern.
You may feel extra guilty because of all the times you broke up in the past but then got back together.
Or you may think they won’t trust your words since you have changed your mind about breaking up in the past.
You might feel like a jerk and be putting off breaking up because of all of this past drama.
These scripts should provide clarity while still honoring that you have a connection with them that has been interesting enough for you to keep returning to.
Compassionate/supportive version
In-Person:
“I’ve really thought about how we keep coming back together and breaking up again. I care about you, but it’s exhausting for both of us. I don’t think either of us is getting what we need, and I want us to have a real chance to move on. I think it’s time we end this for good.”
Text/DM:
“We’ve tried to make this work more than once, and I know we both wanted it to. But I think the constant back and forth is wearing us both down. I care about you, but I don’t want to keep repeating the same cycle. It feels kinder to let each other go for good this time.”
Direct/no-nonsense version
In-Person:
“I can’t keep doing this back and forth. It’s not healthy for either of us. Let’s end things here for good.”
Text/DM:
“This cycle of breaking up and getting back together isn’t working for me anymore. I’m done. We need to break up for good.”
Breakup messages for when you have been betrayed or had your trust broken
Now we will move into the harder exits: like cheating, lying, dishonesty and betrayal.
In these situations, it’s more common that using a direct/no-nonsense breakup script will be to your advantage.
This is because breaking up with someone who is habitually dishonest is often challenging because they also can be very charming.
You may have already found yourself being talked back into the relationship a few times against your better judgement.
Making a clean break is to your best advantage with any breakup, but doubly so when you are dealing with someone who has betrayed or lied to you.
Direct/no-nonsense version
In-Person:
“I know what happened, and I can’t forgive or move past it. I’m ending this relationship now.”
Text/DM:
“You broke my trust and I can’t continue this relationship. We’re done.”
Compassionate/supportive version
In-Person:
“This is really hard to say, but I know I can’t move forward after what happened. Trust is so important to me, and I just can’t pretend I’m okay with what you did. I care about the time we shared, but I need to end this and focus on healing.”
Text/DM:
“I’ve found out things that broke my trust, and I can’t see a way back from it. I care about what we had, but I need honesty in a relationship. It’s best for both of us if we end things here so we can move on.”
Breakup messages for toxic, abusive and unhealthy relationship dynamics
First, if you’ve found yourself looking for a breakup message script here in the toxic, abusive and unhealthy relationship category, I want to extend extra compassion to you.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m proud of you for recognizing that it’s time to break up and move on.
You may have tried to leave in the past and gotten dragged back into the relationship.
Leaving an abusive relationship is not usually an easy, straight forward task. It takes people an average of 7 times to leave. And this is only average!
If you have tried to leave more times than you can count, it doesn’t make you any more worthy than someone who managed to say the perfect thing and leave immediately.
You are worth it. You can do it.
If on any level, you sense that your personal safety is at risk, it might be safer to get yourself completely out of the situation by moving first, then decide whether or not you want to say anything.
You have to decide what is best for you.
Anyway, these breakup messages for toxic relationships prioritize your personal safety, boundaries, and clarity, without over-explaining or adding context that is likely to drag you into an argument.
Direct/no-nonsense version
In-Person:
“I can’t keep being in something that’s this unhealthy. There’s too much fighting, and I’m not okay with this anymore. I’m breaking up with you because I have to look out for myself.”
Text/DM:
“I need to be direct: this relationship is unhealthy for me. There’s too much conflict, and I don’t feel good about myself anymore. I’m ending it now so we can both move on.”
Compassionate/supportive version
In-Person:
“I want you to know this isn’t about blame, but I can’t keep doing this. I feel hurt and exhausted, and it’s affecting me in ways I can’t ignore. I need to end the relationship so I can take care of myself. I wish you well, but I have to go.”
Text/DM:
“This is difficult to say, but I have to be honest with myself and with you. Our relationship has become unhealthy for me. I care about what we had, but I don’t feel safe or happy anymore, and I need to step away for my own well-being. I hope you find what you need, but I can’t stay in this.”
Breaking up with someone you once cared about is rarely easy, even when you know it’s the right decision.
If this breakup guide helped you find the words you’ve been struggling to say, I hope it also reminded you that you’re allowed to choose what’s best for you.
You don’t need a perfect reason to walk away from something that no longer feels right, you just need the courage to make changes.
However you choose to move forward, I wish you the best out there.
