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- What I Learned From Dating 12 Men in 6 Months
- Is It Possible To Have a Good Relationship With Your Polar Opposite?
- Are You An Introvert? How To Date Without Driving Yourself Crazy
- The Extroverted Woman’s Guide to Dating (and Mating With) An Introvert
- 18 Real Online Dating Lessons I Learned the Hard Way
- Why You Should Hold Out For “The Stomach Flip” Before Deciding If He’s Right For You
- “I met this great guy online, how do I get him to ask me out?”
16 Things Not to Discuss On A First Date
Sometimes people sabotage their first dates by sharing too much, saying the wrong things or bringing up topics way too soon. Are you putting your foot in your mouth or driving people away without knowing it?
Check out my big list of things not to discuss on a first date.
Here are 16 important topics to avoid talking about on a first date:
Anything negative that you discuss with them will make YOU seem negative. They don’t have a long history with you to know that you’re in fact a happy, well-adjusted person (if you are), and anything you say that is negative will seem magnified. Don’t be captain negativity. It’s not cute.
If you have kids, it’s important to be clear about this. However, if you don’t, spilling all about your desire to have kids seems like you’re looking for a baby’s Momma or Daddy and that it doesn’t matter exactly who that is. Same with the next point:
3. Wanting Marriage
Even if you’ve already bought the dress and are dying to settle down with someone, keep in mind that you just met the person in front of you. Sharing a lot about how you see your future going will scare them off and make him feel like you’re looking for someone, ANYONE to fill the spouse role. This is insulting and you will inadvertently make him feel like it doesn’t matter who does it, you just want to get married pronto.
This includes inviting them back to your place, discussing your favorite sexual positions, fantasies or anything else nooky-related. Just keep the sex talk to yourself UNLESS all you are interested in is a one night stand. If that is the case, then let that freak flag fly, but even then keep in mind that it might still come off a little bit scary.
5. Your Finances
Are things going great/poorly in your pocketbook? Your money and it’s status is completely off limits. This is not the time to share the raise you got at work or if you’re broke. you don’t want to attract a gold digger or plant the seed of worry if things aren’t going great with your money.
6. Health Problems
If you have something going on heath-wise, it’s too early to share it unless it somehow affects what you’re doing in the present moment. Otherwise, keep the very personal health issues for later.
7. Previous Relationships
You should never, ever talk about your ex or your previous relationships. Talking about your ex makes it sound like you aren’t over the failed relationship whether you are or not.
If you’ve been on the other side of the table from someone who is droning on about their ex, you know how distasteful it is. Don’t do it.
8. Skeletons In Your Closet
Deep dark secrets? Never, ever share your soft underbelly on a first date. It makes you look unbalanced. Also, if these things are secrets, why are you sharing them with someone you just met anyway?
Are you in recovery for an addiction? This is not the time to share that either. Being in recovery is highly personal and should be held back until you have sufficient rapport with the person to warrant it’s discussion.
10. Why Your Life Isn’t What You Want
Hitting a lot of walls lately in your personal life? Job got you down? Sharing that your life isn’t quite what you would like it to be like is just another way that you’re showcasing negativity. It’s not productive, and also, if you aren’t doing anything at the moment about hating your job, this makes you look not only negative but also unmotivated.
11. Your Crazy Family
If your family isn’t quite what family is cracked up to be, it’s best to leave this out. You can’t change your family, but you can avoid framing it negatively to new people. When you get to know them better you can tell them all about it. The first date is just too soon.
12. Lies Of Any Type
Don’t stretch (or break) the truth so that later you have a mess on your hands. While I’m definitely supportive of you framing your life positively, it’s important never to lie about your circumstances. Don’t set things up so that you have to unravel it later or are always trying to keep track of what you said. Just don’t.
13. Where You See This Relationship Going
It’s the first date! You shouldn’t have any idea where the relationship is going! Neither do they! Don’t say something sappy like “I think us meeting like this was fate” either. This is creepy. It’s a don’t.
14. Plastic Surgery
Had botox, a boob job, a calf job and a nose job? Keep it to yourself. While you might be proud of your new physique, the other person doesn’t necessarily care and it comes off like you are perpetually unhappy with yourself.
15. Rambling On and On About Yourself
Think “pitch AND catch” when you’re on a first date. Don’t launch into a one person monologue about yourself. This isn’t attractive and just think about how you would react if the tables were turned.
Remember that while your views might be totally logical and reasonable, if you get into a heated political discussion with them, it can come off harsh. Also, plenty of people with opposing viewpoints get along long term, but it won’t happen if you drive them away on the first date.
Are you having guys pull away? Let me help you here.
What other things do you not like talking about on your first dates? What did I miss? Tell me in the comments below.