Accept Them Or Leave Them— These Are Your Only REAL Choices

By

Couple arguing

There are a lot of unhappy relationships out there.

Half of us get divorced and it seems like a big chunk of the other half isn’t very happy.

So what’s the real problem? Well if we take out abuse and affairs it seems that the biggest problem couples have is a lack of acceptance of each other. “He never says nice things to me.” “She nags me all the time and doesn’t appreciate me.” “He should know what I want.” “She should know what I want.” And on and on this sad story goes. So what’s the solution?

The answer is simple, the act really isn’t. You must either accept your partner as they are or you must leave because your continued attempts to make them into something they are not is destined to fail.

You can ask for a few specific behavioral changes but inevitably you cannot change the basic characteristics of your partner. If your partner likes to veg on the couch to relax, it’s unlikely that they are going to motivate for the 10-mile hike that floats your boat.

What if You Both Accept Each Others Quirks?

Yet here’s the interesting part, when you start really and truly accepting your partner, they start to really and truly accept you and that’s when the good stuff starts to happen.

What would happen if you both accepted each other’s quirks and little annoyances? What if that acceptance actually made you closer and more willing to be flexible for and with each other? Wouldn’t it be life’s little irony if acceptance of your partner actually led to a little bit of change?

If there are things about your partner that you truly can’t accept, than you really should consider leaving. Staying and being miserable is worse than the relatively short-term pain of leaving.

Staying with the hope (and maybe plan) of changing your partner by telling them how terrible they are will only lead to fighting, resentment, less respect, and less intimacy on all levels. Is this really the relationship that you want?

Get Real With Yourself

So get real with yourself. Look at your relationship, your partner and ask yourself if you can accept them just the way they are and love them despite/because of it. If not, it’s only right to make plans to leave.

If you can accept all that comes with your partner, do it.

Do it with love, compassion, and true acceptance. Watch what happens when you stop criticizing, start accepting, and start loving unconditionally. You may actually end up with everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner.

Are you living the life of your dreams?

Do you wish you could walk into any room and feel happy and confident?

Do you simply want to enjoy your life more – personally and professionally?

Do you long for more energy to do what you really love?

You can.

Too many of us are doing more, but feeling less satisfied. Life doesn’t have to be that way. With small tweaks and simple strategies, you can enjoy a great life with soaring self-confidence, a good sense of well-being, and plenty of laughter.

In my book, “Smart Women, Inspired Lives: How to Be Happy & Confident,” I’ll show you exactly how to get the life you truly long for.

Get it here now.

Originally published at SmartWomenInspiredLives.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.
Dr. Lisa Kaplin

About Dr. Lisa Kaplin

Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist and life coach at Smart Women Inspired Lives.  She helps women get happy, get motivated, and get moving in ways they hadn’t thought possible.  Lisa is a professional speaker and blogger and has been featured on Yahoo, Thought Catalog, MSN, Lifetime Moms, Your Tango, and Psychology Today. 

She has distilled years of coaching experience, wisdom and insight into her book, “Smart Women, Inspired Lives: How to Be Happy & Confident.”

Lisa is a married mother of three and a joyful dog owner. Connect with Lisa on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.