5 Signs You Are Totally Settling In A Relationship (And They’re WRONG For You)

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Today I’m going to let you know five signs that you might be settling in a relationship with someone who might not be exactly what you want.

Obviously, none of us want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t really excite us or doesn’t really get our blood pumping. But often, we have these limiting beliefs that keep us stuck, settling for relationships that really aren’t in our best interest.

Maybe we have low self-esteem, maybe we have a poor relationship history in the past that causes us to doubt ourselves. So let’s talk through five signs that you might be settling for less than you deserve in your relationship.

1. You see your partner as a fixer-upper.

The first sign that you’re settling in a relationship is that you see the other person as a fixer-upper.

Maybe you think they’re pretty good but there’s one major thing you wish they would do or stop doing, right?

You might think, “You know, he’d be a really great boyfriend if only he had a little bit more ambition and would get his career going.”

Or, “she’d be a really great girlfriend if only she would just like lose those last 20 pounds.”

Or, “they’d be a really great partner and this relationship would be really great if only something in particular was or wasn’t going on.”

If you find yourself like thinking about things like this and they’re really big things that are important to you, it’s important. You have to make your own list of priorities and really think about these things. Ignoring them could definitely be a sign that you’re settling.

Now, I’m not talking about completely insignificant things like, “if only he was one inch taller” or something like that unless that one inch is vitally important. If it’s something that’s insignificant to you, if it’s not a really big, major thing that’s important for you in a relationship, then don’t worry about that.

But if the relationship or your partner lacks something major that’s really important to you and you find yourself thinking, “Yeah, it’s really good but except for this one big thing” then that’s a sign that you’re settling in a relationship.

That’s a sign that you’ll be unhappy with them in the long run and that it’s going to build into resentment.

Now, do people change? Yes. Can people change? Yes.

Should you expect people to change for you? Absolutely, not!

How you find the person is how they are very, very, very likely to stay for a very long time. OK. So, if he’s unemployed and unambitious, then he’s probably going to stay that way.

If she’s 20 pounds overweight then she’s most likely going to stay that way. Might that change? Sure. Will it change? Maybe. Should you count on it changing simply because you’re there and encouraging them? No.

You should not believe or expect that you can change somebody. How you find them is how they likely to stay. Either you accept them 100% as they are or you let them go so that you can have the space in your life for someone else who can accept 100% for who they are.

2. You find yourself justifying your partner’s poor behavior… often.

The second sign that you might be settling in your relationship is if you find yourself suddenly and constantly justifying this other person to your friends or family members or something like that like, “Oh yeah, well, he was just in a bad mood that one day that’s why he punched a hole in the wall” or “She just got kind of drunk that’s why she made a big scene back there at the family barbecue.”

Sure, maybe somebody has a little bit to drink once or twice or something. And, maybe somebody has a really bad day once or twice.

But, if it’s a common theme that you are justifying the person’s behavior over and over again, then that could really be a sign that you’re settling for someone that really isn’t going to make you happy in the long run. So, definitely be on the lookout if you want to justify their behavior and be careful about that.

3. You compare your partner to other people.

The third sign that you’re settling in a relationship is that you find yourself comparing the person you’re with to other people, often.

This is when you’re looking around and thinking, “He or she is definitely a lot hotter than that person over there.”

Or, “I wish that he took care of himself and had six-pack abs like that guy right there.” Or, “I really wish that she had that vivacious feminine energy like that woman there.”

When you find yourself comparing your partner to somebody else, then that’s a bad sign.

This also goes in the form of like comparing them to the worst possible thing like, “He doesn’t have a job and he doesn’t seem to have any ambition but at least he’s not abusive.” Or, “Maybe she argues with me all the time, puts me down and is emotionally abusive but at least she’s not cheating on me, right?”

If you find that you compare them with the worst possible relationship scenario out there to make yourself feel better about them, that’s also a sign that you’re settling.

4. You have a hidden agenda for being with them.

The fourth sign that you might be settling is if you are more interested in some sort of hidden agenda that you have in your own mind, right?   

You think to yourself, “I’m 29. I have to get married before I’m 30 otherwise I’m a big old loser.” Then you see the closest person to date and basically think, “Hey, how would you like to go out on a date? Maybe we can get together– by the way, have you ever thought about getting married? Let’s get married.”

If you find yourself more attached to your hidden agenda and not so much the actual person themselves, then that could definitely be a sign that you’re settling because you’re more fixated on the ends justifying the means.

These agendas can be anything like, getting married, being in a relationship, finally having some attractive person want to date you and proving all those terrible people in high school wrong who didn’t want to date you.

As long as you’re caught up trying to satisfy your hidden agenda, you’re probably going to end up settling because there’s a part of you that’s going to try to look past that other person’s character and try to make it fit and force itself into basically complying and conforming to whatever your hidden agenda might be.

You’ll then think, “Oh yeah let’s go ahead and get married. I don’t care if you seem hesitant, you’re noncommittal or whatever. We should get married right now.” That’s not going to turn out well in the long run.

5. You’re afraid you have “wasted your time” with them.

The fifth sign that you might be settling for less in a relationship is that you’re afraid if you walk away from the relationship or the person that you would have just wasted your time.

This whole idea of “wasting time” is a non-starter because if you stop the relationship now and it was a waste of time, then why would you want to continue it longer and add more time to it, right?

If you are with somebody and they aren’t lighting you up but you don’t want to leave them because dating them would have been a waste of time— why would you want to commit deeper to that person and spend more time with them because you would be wasting even more time, right?

You don’t want to “double down” because it’s really a sign that you’re settling in a relationship.

What I’d rather have you do is cut your losses sooner rather than later.

Sure, maybe you’ve wasted some time so far, but don’t double down on that.

You should cut that off.

Create space in your life so you can have the kind of person or relationship that is going to be uplifting and help you feel great, wonderful, loved and appreciated.

Now, rather than wasting even more time, you’re also allowing them to be free so they can find somebody who appreciates them for who they are.

Don’t think that if you stop right now, you would be wasting your time because that’s a terrible reason to continue a relationship.

…And, it’s definitely a major sign that you are settling. So, be on the lookout for that.

If you want to make sure that you don’t settle for somebody that’s going to make you unhappy, please go ahead and check out my website.

Once you get there, fill out the quick quiz. Then, I’ll send you a customized relationship strategy that will help you get moving in the right direction based off of whatever your relationship history has been.

Then, I’ll show you how to get the kind of relationship you have always wanted.

Click here to get started now.

Clay Andrews

About Clay Andrews

Clay Andrews and Mika Terao bring their client’s relationships back from the brink.

Get their free report, 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You (Hint: C.A.P.E.T.).

If you are an action-taker who wants to get your ex back, Clay and Mika will show you everything you need to know to have a deeper and more profound connection with your ex, so that you both can have a second shot at lasting love (even if your situation feels hopeless). Find out more here now.

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