Why do men say what they think women want to hear? And why does it come out sounding so bad? Author Claire Casey tackles the issue…
I recently had a little tryst with a guy who left me wondering why he just ended contact with no explanation at all. We had an amazing night together, and yes we did stay up most of the night, but come morning I don’t think he knew what to do with me. I may have made a little blunder in the throes of passion when I said “Where have you been for the last 20 years?”
His reply was, “Marrying the wrong woman, is that what you want to hear?”
No, not exactly. I wanted to hear what he honestly felt and not what he thinks I want to hear. I suspect that most of the men I’ve attracted on the dating sites are all about saying what they think women want them to say. What’s up with that?
He’d Be So Much Cuter with His Mouth Closed…
Whoops. Well that was a supremely insensitive thing for him to say. And I’m guessing the reason he disappeared – even after such a fabulous night in bed – was that even he knew he screwed this one up.
And it sounds like he got a little lost – sometimes guys are frantically trying to say whatever it takes to get laid. But even if that was in his head, he should never have said it.
Sure, there are lots of men (and women!) out there who are absolutely desperate for some red-hot action in the sack, but that doesn’t excuse poor manners.
Of course, it would have been best if he’d simply owned up to his blunder so that the two of you could try again. But guys have a ridiculously hard time apologizing to a woman, particularly over something they equate with their performance, and this goes double for performance in bed.
And I know you want to hear what a guy “honestly” feels, but here’s the thing:
During those first few dates, and especially those first few intimate encounters, EVERYBODY is trying to say what the other person wants to hear. Or else we’re just exchanging light, top-level information. It’s what we do before we really, really TRUST each other.
In Capture His Heart, I also shed light on the actual truth about men’s minds and show you how to stun a guy by showing that you actually understand is secret needs.
So don’t be too hard on yourself or on all the guys on the dating sites. Allow those first encounters to be a little “surface” — allow time for trust to build. And even after you know each other, it won’t all be roses (you know that), but there are some great men out there who ARE worth your time and love.
You can find them!