“What about the validation trap? Three months after a breakup, I always craved validation from women since I was an anxious preoccupied-attachment style being raised in an alcoholic family?”
So what about the validation trap?
For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about or what we’re talking about here, the validation trap is a topic that we talked about in a video last week.
When it comes to those stages, it’s not about the time that you put in to get past that stage, it’s not like, “oh if I just hang out at this stage for three months, then I’m going to suddenly be past it and I’m going to be emotionally free from the past.”
You can get stuck in any one of those stages for any length of time, including the validation trap.
There’s a lot of people that actually live their entire life in the validation trap— looking to men, women, their parents, social media or their friends to constantly validate them.
They never actually look to their own value system to say,
“Hey, what do I actually care about?”
“What do I actually want?”
“Should I date this woman?”
“Should I date this man just because they’re what society considers to be really attractive, even though I may not actually be attracted to them? Or should I go and date the person I’m actually attracted to, even though they don’t look like some sort of model or something like that?”
That’s what you have to do in order to get past the validation trap.