During one of my seminars, a woman asked, “How do you know if you married the wrong person?”
Here’s what I told her. “Every relationship has a cycle. First, you’ll fall in love. You’ll wait for their call, desire their touch and that weird thing they do, you actually think it’s cute.”
Falling in love isn’t hard, it’s a spontaneous experience. You don’t have to do anything, it just happens.
Falling in love also doesn’t take any wisdom or skill. It happens naturally. That’s why it’s called falling in love because you’re not controlling it.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades, doesn’t it?
That’s just a natural cycle of every relationship.
Slowly but surely, the calls become a bother if they come at all. Touch is not always welcome and that weird thing they do, now, it drives you nuts.
At this point, you might ask— like the woman in my seminar did— “Did I marry the right person?”
And this is when marriages break down.
You might start to blame your spouse for your unhappiness and seek fulfillment outside of your marriage. But believe me, the solution to this problem is not with someone else, it’s with you.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you couldn’t fall in love with someone else, you could. And for a while, you’d be happy. But then you’d be in the same situation with that someone else years later.
Everyone knows the divorce rate in first marriages is 50%. But you know what it is in second marriages, 70%, third marriages, 80%.
Shouldn’t the divorce rate after people’s first marriage be going down?
Shouldn’t people be learning from their mistakes?
Usually, the mistake people think they made is that they married the wrong person. But in most cases, the mistake was not who you married, it was how you loved.
The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person. It’s learning to love the person you found.
Real lasting love is not something you find it never just happens and there’s nothing natural about it. You have to make love day in and day out. You have to cultivate it. It takes time, effort and energy, and most importantly, it takes wisdom.
You have to know what to do to make the marriage work. It’s natural of everything, knowledge plus practice equals success. It’s the same in marriage.
Make no mistake about it. Love is not a mystery.
You don’t have to be lucky in love, you have to be smart. There are specific things you can do that breathe intimacy and connection and other things you shouldn’t do that will destroy any relationship.
Instead of obsessing about how to find love, let’s invest in learning how to love.
Remember all that time and effort you put into making the wedding and courtship great, let’s put some time and effort into making our marriage right.
If you’d like to learn how to love so your marriage has a fighting chance as my best marriage renewal tips, then get your FREE breakthrough report, “7 Secrets to a Stronger Marriage” and your free marriage assessment.